I was supposed to be going into surgery today. I won't get into the details, just suffice it to say it was of a, ahem, female nature. I didn't really have peace about it, but I couldn't put my finger on why. After all, logically, it made sense, and all my plans were in place - people to watch the kids and someone to pick up the dog. But still I had this nagging feeling that it wasn't a good idea. But how do you tell your doctor, "Well, I agree with everything you are saying, but I have this feeling that God is telling me not to"? Makes you sound a bit weird, doesn't it?
So, I prayed. I asked God to make it VERY clear that I shouldn't have the surgery, to close the door. I woke up yesterday morning feeling sick. My stomach was off and I had a sore throat, but I wasn't THAT sick. So, I wondered - is this God's way of telling me not to go through with it? So, I prayed somemore, asking for a very firm closing of this particular door.
A little while later, the phone rang. The doctor was calling to say she wouldn't operate. My EKG came back abnormal.
Um, that wasn't quite the kind of answer I was looking for. Anyone who knows me will tell you I am slightly paranoid about my health. I have a pain in my head. Oh, it could be a headache, but then again, it could be an aneurism or maybe the early indications of a brain tumor. An ache in my back - well, that could be a symptom of a heart attack. I am a worrier. Maybe it's because I have this weird belief that if you worry about something, then it won't happen. Or maybe I am just a hypochondriac and read too much.
So, you can imagine how well I took this news. I found it slightly ironic that my three New Year's resolutions were 1) don't take things personally 2)be thankful and 3) don't worry. (sure I have all those other goals like eating better, exercising and managing my money better but these are the main three).
Now I have a choice - I can fret and worry about what the EKG results could mean or I can trust God that He was answering my original prayer request and giving me a chance to practice not worrying. I had a long discussion with God this morning about this. You can't really hide the fact that you are worried and a bit scared from God. So, I started by confessing that - my feelings but I didn't stop there. I asked for God's peace and for Him to shore up my faith and trust because, let's face it, on my own I am a mess. I felt God prompting me to remember the TRUTH, HIS TRUTH. To wield my weapon (Scripture) against my enemy of fear and worry.
I am His. He knows my days and has them numbered. He loves me and knows me inside and out - including the number of hairs on my head. He won't ever leave me. He will go with me through the fire and through the flood. He will shine His glory through me if I allow it. He has a plan and purpose for my life and His plans are to prosper me and not to hurt me, to give me hope and a future (Jer. 29:11). He is bigger than my fears. He gives peace that passes all earthly understanding. He always hears me. He is the rock where I can hide. He is the peace in the storm. He is my Saviour and Redeemer.
What truth is He trying to tell you today? I can promise you, remembering God's truth trumps my own frail human feelings anytime!