You know, this year I felt like the theme God gave me was being a conqueror through Christ, living victoriously. Strangely, I've never felt so defeated as I have in the last few months. Being the insecure person that I am, I felt the need of reassurance from God. I asked God to clearly show me if He wanted me to write.
I'm not sure why I have such a hard time believing this is what God called me to. Maybe because I love it so much. Growing up, books were my friends. They were my ticket to other places, new people, exciting adventures. I could lay on my bed or on the couch and travel the world. Books gave me so much, I wanted to write stories too, so I could make people feel the way I did when I read them. Doing what you love, it seems too good to be true. I'm not sure where I got this idea that God gives you talent and passion for something and then says you can't have it, but somehow, if I really enjoy something, I begin to doubt. I'm sure some psychologist could have a field day with that. lol
So, I shared what I read in my Esther study that described so well the way I felt. "Has a negative event or a near-eternal wait recently made you lose hope about somethign important to you? Do you have any natural reasons to think that wheatever your "once upon a time" might have been, it can never be now?" God was voicing my question back to me. I was touched by this, but what was the answer?
A few days later, I was cleaning. (my house was a wreck and desperately needed it). I was down on my hands and knees cleaning under the desk - something of a small miracle in itself - when I saw a corner of white sticking out from beneath the corner of the desk. I pulled it out. On the card was a verse I had written down a long time ago, so long I don't really remember doing it, but there it was, in my handwriting. On it was the verse Micah 7:7 "But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me." 0-kay.
Another couple days passed and I opened my devotional, My Utmost for His Highest. In it were the words, "Dreaming about a thing in order to do it properly is right; dreaming about it when we should be doing it is wrong.... Dreaming after God has spoken is an indcation that we do not trust Him." Whoa Nelly!
The question. The answer. The exhortation. I emailed a dear friend of mine and told her what had happened. "Do you think God is speaking to me?" I asked. She replied, "Yes, Gideon, I think you can say that God is speaking to you." So this Gideon is going to gather her fleece and go march around the walls. Victory is ours!!!