Those of you who know me are probably in shock since I ALWAYS have something to say! lol But I've popped on here a few times in the last few days,stared at the blank screen, and I have come up with nothing. Nada. Zip. Nothing.
Maybe it is the multiple deadlines hanging over my head or the knowledge that I don't have enough information for the next religion page. I'm doing a three-part series on church architecture.
I love old things. I really do. I love history and poking around old buildings and houses. They just feel differently for some reason. I like to close my eyes and imagine what it was like at that place 100 or more years ago.
BUT, I don't know anything about architecture really - except I seem to have a penchant for the pointy kind. I like things with lots of gables and A-shaped roof lines. Other than that, I know nothing.
Now I have to write three articles on it. Because a lot of the things I'm looking for are quite old or in small places, I have to visit museums and historical societies that are open at, well, odd hours. I drove to the neighboring small village (town?) of Gomer, only to find out that it isn't the fourth Sunday of the month - it's the FIFTH and since they are only open on the second and fourth Sunday of the month the tiny museum was firmly closed. However, all the key people I would need to talk to - their phone numbers were listed on the door. Gotta love small towns!
This newspaper job has been like this lately - I've been feeling like I'm out in the deep end of the lake and can barely swim. The shoreline (my deadline) seems really far away and I can only doggy paddle slowly toward it. My feet can't touch bottom and my head is barely above the water line. It's not very comfortable. At all!
I look at my list of to dos for my various jobs, and I look at the things I need to get together to figure out new jobs and I just feel like I will never make it to dry land - that I will be paddling mid-lake forever, never able to touch bottom, but trying desperately to keep my head above the water line.
For the past year, I've juggled a lot of balls. The problem is not the juggling. The problem is I can never set any of the balls down.
The thing I'm learning in all of this is that I might be weak, but God is strong. Just last week, I was feeling very overwhelmed and worried that I wouldn't get things done because I had to wait on other people in order to do my job. I hate that because that means it is completely out of my control. I just have to wait patiently and I'm really not all that patient, to be honest. I got myself worked into a tizzy. You know what though? It all worked out.
It all worked out even AFTER the head photo guy called to tell me that the pictures - the ones for the NEXT DAY'S STORY - had been on the computer that had been stolen. Guess what? The story made it into the paper - the pictures got taken somehow. It all worked out in the end.
When I was whining to my husband last week about how stressed out I was, he kindly and patiently did the whole "there,there," thing and then said, "I understand why you are stressing, but everything seems to always work out. You probably need to not worry so much."
Ah, wise words but so much easier to say than to do, for me anyway. I have been praying about another job to open up, but I've also been praying that whatever God wants for me is fine, too. I will go wherever He wants me to go. That also means I'll stay right where I am if that is what He wants - even though it is stressful, even though I feel ill-equipped, even though I never seem to be quite caught up.
The bottom line is God has placed me here, and until He moves me on, I can trust He will supply me with what I need to get the job done. In my weakness and feelings of being overwhelmed, God continually shows me that it isn't about me anyway. It is about His strength and His glory being seen through my very human frailities.
After all, difficult circumstances are an opportunity to show God's glory through ordinary people.
Well, I guess I did have something to say after all. :)
~ Blessings, Bronte