Yes, I know, complaining isn't a spiritual gift but the way I enthusiastically engage in it, you'd think it was! Hey, and I'm good at it. Case in point, this morning, my husband and I had a miscommunication about our boys' schedules. I had just woke up, and since I am SO not a morning person, it sort of put me into a not so sweet mood. My husband left for work (he apologized, btw) and I dropped the boys off at school. I still felt like a major shrew. I hate that feeling - where you sort of just want to wallow in your bad mood. Maybe I'm the only one who does that, but it's almost as if, in a perverse way, you are enjoying feeling like a witch!
Anyway, I didn't want one little miscommunication ruin my whole day. I mean, really, definitely NOT worth it. So, I was praying, asking God to change my attitude and my heart. And He did. It was great. But for some reason, I still wanted to get online or on the phone and complain to someone, share with them how I was wronged! I don't know why I wanted to complain, even though my mood was much improved. It didn't even make any sense. If I go by New Year's goals and NOT take things personally, it was an honest mistake my husband made. It wasn't like he was trying to put a crimp in my day. But yet, I had this insatiable desire to complain to someone.
I'm not sure what I would get out of complaining - maybe justification that I was right or that I was wronged or, well, I don't know. Maybe it was just to get noticed and get some sympathy. Boy does that sound pathetic when I type it all out there like that!
Interesingly enough, we are studying the story of Esther in Bible study. And this week (or really last week since I am slightly behind!) we have been looking at Haman. Now if you are looking for an example of how NOT to be, Haman is your man. Talk about a bundle of self-focused, needy, warped humanity! He's just plain scary. But one thing Haman wanted more than anything was to be noticed and to be honored. He wanted people to see him and praise him and realize how great he was! As I was reading this, part of me was saying, well, thank goodness I'm not like Haman! Man- he was seriously messed up!
Today it hit me though- I am. Ouch!!! See, my desire to complain even after I had really gotten over it, show an ugly side of myself - my desire to be right and have everyone around me KNOW I am right, that I am the easy to get along with person (stop laughing!), the good sport. Complaining was about recognition. Now there's some self-realization that is not very much fun.
Beth Moore wrote this in the workbook and it really spoke to me. Maybe it will speak to you too. "Let's pursue a walk with God so close that the spotlights of this world - be they for us or against us - are eclipsed by His enormous shadow cast on our path. There in the shelther of the Most High we find our significance and the only satisfaction of our insatiable need to be noticed. There and there alone we are free to be neither depressed nor impressed with teh capricious reactions of this carnal world." I didn't end up complaining online or on the phone but it was a close call. Thank goodness God is patient with this slow learner!!
~Blessings, Bronte
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Friday, April 3, 2009
GOD CARES ABOUT THE SMALL THINGS
I had a stress test today - in fact, I am currently hanging out at my parents house waiting for the next part of it. My big obstacle was the IV. For some reason, nobody can seem to get an IV in me on the first try. The last time I had a stress test, they tried 3x. The IV specialist finally came and stuck it in my wrist - it hurt like nobody's business, let me tell you! Then I about passed out and they had to break out the smelling salts and put me on gurney and turn it upside down. Talk about embarrassing! Needless to say, I wasn't in too big of a hurry to repeat that experience! So one of my big prayer requests was that the IV would go in the first try. And it did!!!
My second request was more a concern - they always put the incline on the treadmill really steep on these tests so your heart rate will go up! Well, that has the unpleasant result of feeling that if you let go of the bar, you might go flying off the back of the treadmill. I am happy to report, that I stayed on and didn't take any flying leaps! :)
These are really small things in the grand scheme of things, but God is so good. He saw my small, insignificant requests just as well as He sees the big ones. It drove home to me that God cares not just about the big, grand scheme things in my life, but the details too.
In Genesis 15 there is the story of Hagar, Sarah's maid, who runs away from the anger of her mistress. She is alone and lost and not sure where to go. The angel of God appears to her and tells her to go back. She called God El Roi or God sees me. It always touches me that God took time to see Hagar - a maid, someone of not much signifigance to anyone. But God saw her.
So even with the little details and cares in my life, I know God is El Roi and that He sees me, sees me better than any earthly person can. What a great comfort that is!
~Blessings, Bronte
My second request was more a concern - they always put the incline on the treadmill really steep on these tests so your heart rate will go up! Well, that has the unpleasant result of feeling that if you let go of the bar, you might go flying off the back of the treadmill. I am happy to report, that I stayed on and didn't take any flying leaps! :)
These are really small things in the grand scheme of things, but God is so good. He saw my small, insignificant requests just as well as He sees the big ones. It drove home to me that God cares not just about the big, grand scheme things in my life, but the details too.
In Genesis 15 there is the story of Hagar, Sarah's maid, who runs away from the anger of her mistress. She is alone and lost and not sure where to go. The angel of God appears to her and tells her to go back. She called God El Roi or God sees me. It always touches me that God took time to see Hagar - a maid, someone of not much signifigance to anyone. But God saw her.
So even with the little details and cares in my life, I know God is El Roi and that He sees me, sees me better than any earthly person can. What a great comfort that is!
~Blessings, Bronte
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
GOD IS BIGGER THAN THE BOOGIE MAN!
This morning, Brody came up to me with a cd in his hand. "Can we listen to this in the car, Mom?" he asked. I looked down to see a copy of a Veggie Tales cd in my hand. So, we drove to school singing the song "God Is Bigger Than the Boogie Man!" at the top of our lungs. By the time we pulled up to door to drop the kids off, the boys were laughing and I had a big smile on my face. Nothing like Larry and Bob to get you off to a good start to your day!
Then as I drove home, listening to "The Bunny", it hit me, God IS bigger than ALL my boogie men, not just the pretend ones in my kids' closet or under their beds. This was particularly timely for me.
It's interesting and not really coincidence I'm sure, but every time that I start making positive steps forward, Satan starts whispering lies into my ears. Lies that play into one of my deepest fears - that I will be stuck exactly where I am, nothing changed, 20 years from now or even 5 years from now. So, yesterday, I had done an interview and worked on some writing. I had taken charge of my eating again, with only a few small goof ups. (the cookies looked too good to refuse!) I had even rediscovered my joy in art - I had to make a couple paintings for our play at school and was surprised at how much fun it was to slap that paint around! lol So with all these positive steps, I'm not sure why I wasn't expecting Satan to attack me, to try to make me doubt, but it came as a big surprise to me, that as I took my shower last night, the same old doubts and fears came bubbling into my mind: You'll never lose weight; it's impossible and it will never happy. You'll never write that book or any Bible studies; who would want to publish anything YOU write anyway - who do you think you are? You'll never get out of this neighborhood - it will crumble around you and you'll be stuck here, fending off the gangs with your skillet!
The boogie men were out in full force. I saw them lurking everywhere - in the closet, under the bed, down the hall. But just in time, I remembered, I could always turn the light on them. So, I started saying all the things I KNEW were truth. God loves me; God has a plan for me; God is my ever present help in time of need; God is good and full of lovingkindness; I may not have the strength to change, but God does. It was hard to say the words, and at first it felt like I was pushing them out through jello. But it got easier and verses started popping into my mind.
And guess what? When I turned the light on my fears, He chased away the shadows and the doubts. Things that loomed large and scary, shrank back down to normalcy again. God had chased away my boogie men! Amazing how true a children's song can be, isn't it?
It gets better! As I was starting my prayer time this morning, I thought I'd read a Psalm. Seeing as it is the 31st, I read Psalms 31 (not very imaginative, I know).
Psalms 31: 1-8 (NLT)
Oh Lord, I have come to you for protection; don't let me be disgraced. Save me, for you do what is right. Turn your ear to listen to me; rescue me quickly. Be my rock and my fortress. For the honor of your name, lead me out of this danger. Pull me from the trap my enemies set for me, for I find protection in You alone. I entrust my spirit into your hand. Rescue me, Lord, for you ar ea faithful God. I hate those who worship worthless idols. I trust in the Lord. I will be glad and rejoice in yoru unfailing love, for you have seen my troublese, and you care about the anguish of my soul. You have not handed me over to my enemies but have set my feet in a large place.
God IS bigger than our boogie men. May God's light chase out the shadows in your room of fears too!
~Blessings, Bronte
Then as I drove home, listening to "The Bunny", it hit me, God IS bigger than ALL my boogie men, not just the pretend ones in my kids' closet or under their beds. This was particularly timely for me.
It's interesting and not really coincidence I'm sure, but every time that I start making positive steps forward, Satan starts whispering lies into my ears. Lies that play into one of my deepest fears - that I will be stuck exactly where I am, nothing changed, 20 years from now or even 5 years from now. So, yesterday, I had done an interview and worked on some writing. I had taken charge of my eating again, with only a few small goof ups. (the cookies looked too good to refuse!) I had even rediscovered my joy in art - I had to make a couple paintings for our play at school and was surprised at how much fun it was to slap that paint around! lol So with all these positive steps, I'm not sure why I wasn't expecting Satan to attack me, to try to make me doubt, but it came as a big surprise to me, that as I took my shower last night, the same old doubts and fears came bubbling into my mind: You'll never lose weight; it's impossible and it will never happy. You'll never write that book or any Bible studies; who would want to publish anything YOU write anyway - who do you think you are? You'll never get out of this neighborhood - it will crumble around you and you'll be stuck here, fending off the gangs with your skillet!
The boogie men were out in full force. I saw them lurking everywhere - in the closet, under the bed, down the hall. But just in time, I remembered, I could always turn the light on them. So, I started saying all the things I KNEW were truth. God loves me; God has a plan for me; God is my ever present help in time of need; God is good and full of lovingkindness; I may not have the strength to change, but God does. It was hard to say the words, and at first it felt like I was pushing them out through jello. But it got easier and verses started popping into my mind.
And guess what? When I turned the light on my fears, He chased away the shadows and the doubts. Things that loomed large and scary, shrank back down to normalcy again. God had chased away my boogie men! Amazing how true a children's song can be, isn't it?
It gets better! As I was starting my prayer time this morning, I thought I'd read a Psalm. Seeing as it is the 31st, I read Psalms 31 (not very imaginative, I know).
Psalms 31: 1-8 (NLT)
Oh Lord, I have come to you for protection; don't let me be disgraced. Save me, for you do what is right. Turn your ear to listen to me; rescue me quickly. Be my rock and my fortress. For the honor of your name, lead me out of this danger. Pull me from the trap my enemies set for me, for I find protection in You alone. I entrust my spirit into your hand. Rescue me, Lord, for you ar ea faithful God. I hate those who worship worthless idols. I trust in the Lord. I will be glad and rejoice in yoru unfailing love, for you have seen my troublese, and you care about the anguish of my soul. You have not handed me over to my enemies but have set my feet in a large place.
God IS bigger than our boogie men. May God's light chase out the shadows in your room of fears too!
~Blessings, Bronte
Monday, March 30, 2009
LESSONS IN THE WILDERNESS
Wow! It's been quite a while since I've been on here. My only excuse has been life. My new goal is to write on here at least three times a week. I have actually been meaning to get on here and share something God showed me. I was reading in Deuteronomy and this chapter and specifically several verses just jumped off the page at me.
Not many of us enjoy the wilderness experience. We want to get to the promised land already! I know that is the way I am - impatient! But God has something to teach us in the wilderness that He can't in the Promised Land. In fact, if we don't learn our lessons in the wilderness, our Promised Land can become a temptation to forget God's goodness, provision and grace.
In Deuteronomy 8:2 it says, "You shall remember all the way which the Lord your God has led you in the wilderness these forty years, that He might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not." Then in verses 15-17, the idea is repeated, "He led you through the great and terrible wilderness, with its fiery serpents nad scorpions and thirsty ground where there was no water; He brought water for you out of the rock of flint. In the wilderness He fed you manna which your fathers did not know, that He might humble you and that He might test you, to do good for you in the end. Otherwise, you may say in your heart, My power and the strength of my hand made me this wealth."
So we see that our wilderness experiences, no matter what they are or how long they last, are to do a couple of things: humble us, test us to see if we will keep His commandments and to see what is in our hearts, and to do good for you in the end.
The first one is to humble us. I dont' know about you, but pride is something I have struggled with in the past, and it often rears its ugly head now, too. Whether that means the pride of being right or even pride in a God-given gift, I need to remember that God is the giver of all good things. My only job is to be thankful and use what He has given me wisely. As Beth Moore often says, it is far better to voluntarily humble yourself than it is to have God humble you. There really isn't any other choice if we are to fulfill our God-given destiny because God resists the proud. My goal is to keep as close to God as possible because the nearer I am to His Light, the clearer view I have of myself. And that's something that keeps me humble!
The second thing was to test us to see if we will keep His commandments and to see what is in our hearts. There are many Scriptures that talk about obeying God being proof of our love for Him. John 15 comes to mind and Psalms 119, too. However, the next part sort of puzzled me because God sees our hearts, so why would He need to put us in the wilderness to see what is in our hearts, if He already knows. It finally occurred to me that maybe it is more for US to see what is in our hearts. There is nothing like a crisis or adversity to reveal the real person underneath the mask.
The third thing is that it is for our good. We need to be humble; we need to learn to keep God's commands and that we can trust God enough to follow Him even if it doesnt make a whole lot of sense to us; we need to learn what is in our own hearts, even the ugly stuff. Finally, we need the wilderness so that we know who really brought us to the Promised Land. If the trip was easy, then the reward wouldn't be as appreciated. So, journey on and know that God has your triptik written out with a special destination in mind just for you.
~Blessings, Bronte
Not many of us enjoy the wilderness experience. We want to get to the promised land already! I know that is the way I am - impatient! But God has something to teach us in the wilderness that He can't in the Promised Land. In fact, if we don't learn our lessons in the wilderness, our Promised Land can become a temptation to forget God's goodness, provision and grace.
In Deuteronomy 8:2 it says, "You shall remember all the way which the Lord your God has led you in the wilderness these forty years, that He might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not." Then in verses 15-17, the idea is repeated, "He led you through the great and terrible wilderness, with its fiery serpents nad scorpions and thirsty ground where there was no water; He brought water for you out of the rock of flint. In the wilderness He fed you manna which your fathers did not know, that He might humble you and that He might test you, to do good for you in the end. Otherwise, you may say in your heart, My power and the strength of my hand made me this wealth."
So we see that our wilderness experiences, no matter what they are or how long they last, are to do a couple of things: humble us, test us to see if we will keep His commandments and to see what is in our hearts, and to do good for you in the end.
The first one is to humble us. I dont' know about you, but pride is something I have struggled with in the past, and it often rears its ugly head now, too. Whether that means the pride of being right or even pride in a God-given gift, I need to remember that God is the giver of all good things. My only job is to be thankful and use what He has given me wisely. As Beth Moore often says, it is far better to voluntarily humble yourself than it is to have God humble you. There really isn't any other choice if we are to fulfill our God-given destiny because God resists the proud. My goal is to keep as close to God as possible because the nearer I am to His Light, the clearer view I have of myself. And that's something that keeps me humble!
The second thing was to test us to see if we will keep His commandments and to see what is in our hearts. There are many Scriptures that talk about obeying God being proof of our love for Him. John 15 comes to mind and Psalms 119, too. However, the next part sort of puzzled me because God sees our hearts, so why would He need to put us in the wilderness to see what is in our hearts, if He already knows. It finally occurred to me that maybe it is more for US to see what is in our hearts. There is nothing like a crisis or adversity to reveal the real person underneath the mask.
The third thing is that it is for our good. We need to be humble; we need to learn to keep God's commands and that we can trust God enough to follow Him even if it doesnt make a whole lot of sense to us; we need to learn what is in our own hearts, even the ugly stuff. Finally, we need the wilderness so that we know who really brought us to the Promised Land. If the trip was easy, then the reward wouldn't be as appreciated. So, journey on and know that God has your triptik written out with a special destination in mind just for you.
~Blessings, Bronte
Thursday, March 26, 2009
HOW DO YOU LOVE GOD?
I hear a lot of people, myself included, that talk about loving God. But what does that mean, exactly. The nature of our love for God is different than it is for another person. First of all, because God is perfect, unconditional love doesn't seem exactly right
Sunday, March 15, 2009
ALL THING WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD
So, that is one of those phrases that is sort of a Christian cliche - so easy to say, so hard to live out. I was walking my dog, on Friday before my cardio appointment, having some prayer time with God. As I walked, it was obvious that spring has started to spring. I was overwhelmed with a sense of thankfulness - even if I keeled over tomorrow, my life has been filled with blessings. It would take a lot more space than I have here to really enumerate them all. :)
As I was thanking God for all the blessings He's given me, some obvious, some not so obvious at the time, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I can TRUST God. I really, really can. Suddenly, I had this calm and peace about my appointment. I KNEW that whatever happened, God would walk through it with me. If it was nothing, then it was an experience God would use to set me free from my hypochondriac fears. If it was something, He was going to use that for His glory, and it was a privilege to be part of it.
Have you ever had a moment, when the clouds sort of roll back and give you a glimpse of the eternal perspective? My walk was like that - a glimpse of the bigger picture. Of course, my main fear of being sick or even dying young is for my boys and my parents. My boys because I am their mom, obviously, and my parents because I am all they have in the way of family. But suddenly, God was showing me that "perfect love DOES cast out fear." HIS perfect love, that is. God has a plan and purpose for my kids and my parents. He will use every circumstance, good or bad for their good because He love them perfectly. Suddenly, it wasn't just knowledge in my head, but a certainty in my heart.
So, I went to the appointment, the appointment I planned on going to alone. (I prefer to freak out by myself rather than with an audience lol) But, at the last minute, my friend invited herself along. Then when I got there, my mom showed up. So, the nursing staff were jokingly referring to my posse. lol And it was nice to have people who cared about me there. Another little blessing that I hadn't been expecting. God IS good and He IS good ALL the time.
~ Blessings, Bronte
As I was thanking God for all the blessings He's given me, some obvious, some not so obvious at the time, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I can TRUST God. I really, really can. Suddenly, I had this calm and peace about my appointment. I KNEW that whatever happened, God would walk through it with me. If it was nothing, then it was an experience God would use to set me free from my hypochondriac fears. If it was something, He was going to use that for His glory, and it was a privilege to be part of it.
Have you ever had a moment, when the clouds sort of roll back and give you a glimpse of the eternal perspective? My walk was like that - a glimpse of the bigger picture. Of course, my main fear of being sick or even dying young is for my boys and my parents. My boys because I am their mom, obviously, and my parents because I am all they have in the way of family. But suddenly, God was showing me that "perfect love DOES cast out fear." HIS perfect love, that is. God has a plan and purpose for my kids and my parents. He will use every circumstance, good or bad for their good because He love them perfectly. Suddenly, it wasn't just knowledge in my head, but a certainty in my heart.
So, I went to the appointment, the appointment I planned on going to alone. (I prefer to freak out by myself rather than with an audience lol) But, at the last minute, my friend invited herself along. Then when I got there, my mom showed up. So, the nursing staff were jokingly referring to my posse. lol And it was nice to have people who cared about me there. Another little blessing that I hadn't been expecting. God IS good and He IS good ALL the time.
~ Blessings, Bronte
Thursday, March 12, 2009
OBSTACLES IN THE PATH
Do you ever feel like you take one step forward, only to then slide two steps back? It's been that kind of month for me. It seems that we have had one illness after another at our house. One of us gets well, only for another one to fall. It's almost funny. Almost.
It was my turn this week. I had the dreaded stomach flu. As that sort of thing goes, it could have been worse. Of course, I'd much have preferred not to have any sickness at all! Last week, it was my youngest son, Brody's turn. Again. Poor kid.
On Friday, I have my appointment with the cardiologist. It has been up and down for me with the worrying thing. Every ache or twinge is an opportunity to get completely freaked out. I'll be glad to go and see what is what.
I'll be honest when I say, I am discouraged. Once again, I look at my goals and what I want to get done. I don't see much progress. I was just getting into the groove of eating right and feeling the benefits. Now it will be another week before I feel normal again. With all the illness, whatever writing I am doing is sporadic at best. I'm tired. Done. Stick a fork in me done, actually.
But when I feel empty, like I just can't give anymore to anyone, God reminds me of His well that never runs dry. "Come unto me all you who are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke on you for my burden is light." So I'm hanging on to that. That God's grace is everlasting and His mercies are new every morning.
~ Blessings, Bronte
It was my turn this week. I had the dreaded stomach flu. As that sort of thing goes, it could have been worse. Of course, I'd much have preferred not to have any sickness at all! Last week, it was my youngest son, Brody's turn. Again. Poor kid.
On Friday, I have my appointment with the cardiologist. It has been up and down for me with the worrying thing. Every ache or twinge is an opportunity to get completely freaked out. I'll be glad to go and see what is what.
I'll be honest when I say, I am discouraged. Once again, I look at my goals and what I want to get done. I don't see much progress. I was just getting into the groove of eating right and feeling the benefits. Now it will be another week before I feel normal again. With all the illness, whatever writing I am doing is sporadic at best. I'm tired. Done. Stick a fork in me done, actually.
But when I feel empty, like I just can't give anymore to anyone, God reminds me of His well that never runs dry. "Come unto me all you who are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke on you for my burden is light." So I'm hanging on to that. That God's grace is everlasting and His mercies are new every morning.
~ Blessings, Bronte
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