I have felt so at peace the last couple days. Nothing in my life has changed really. We still have financial issues. I still don't have any real direction in my job search. My bathroom ceiling still looks like it is one good rain from falling on my head. (I can only hope this is NOT in the midst of anyone actually using the facilities!)The issues that have always been there are still there.
But I feel buffered from the worries of life.
I wish I could tell you that I suddenly arrived spiritually, or that I had some Divine visitation. But I didn't. The answer is much more simple.
Before I share this answer, I have to go back to the beginning (as any good storyteller will share, you have to start at the beginning).
This past Sunday we had an guest speaker - an evangelist - at our church. His name was John Groves. He was southern. Have you ever noticed that a vast majority of the really good preachers are southern? My theory is there is just something about a southern accent that makes people sound more genuine and trustworthy.
Anyway, he preached about Abraham. In Genesis 12, God gives a promise to Abraham where God tells Abe, he is going to be the father of a great nation. Tucked into the first three verses that comprise this promise are the words, "Go forth from your country, and from your relatives and from your father's house."
Before you get all excited, I am NOT going to tell you peace comes when you get away from your relatives! lol The thing is, as you read further down, you find out that Abraham didn't listen to God. He took Lot, his nephew, with him.
Most people remember Lot from the Sodom and Gomorrah story, but Lot caused trouble before then. Anyway, Groves pointed out that the next time Abraham tried to hear from God, instead of the 73 words at the beginning of chapter 12, he only got eight - basically, remember what I told you.
Then there is silence. Even though Abraham seeks to hear from God again, God is silent. So, Abraham returns to where he heard God speak the 73 word promise - still nothing.
This is when Pastor Groves asked the question, the question that showed me why I was not having much peace. He asked "What 'Lot' are you dragging around with you?"
Almost immediately God pointed out to me, I have been dragging my right to be right around with me like a worn out blankie. It's false comfort has robbed me of real peace and real joy.
Over the past couple years, we have had one thing after another happen to us - through no fault of our own. I would get angry, then forgive and then something else would happen. It all culminated this summer, when I was promised a job; then strung along all summer, only to have the place change their minds with no word of explanation.
This left us in a terrible bind financially. We had counted on the income from that job. Not only that, but I had not applied for my substitute teaching license and by the time I found out about I wouldn't have a job, if I did apply for my sub license, I'd be so far down the list, the chances of getting called were pretty slim (especially based on my previous record!).
I was angry. I felt I had been wronged. To be honest, my faith in people was shaken. Again. It was a bitter pill to swallow on top of everything else.
While I consoled myself with the fact that God had a reason for this happening - such as maybe it wasn't such a great idea for my husband and I to be getting our paycheck from the same place, I still burned with the injustice of it all.
I was hanging on rather tightly to my right to be right. I was dragging it around with me like the proverbial anchor around my neck. It was weighing me down and robbing me of peace and joy.
During that church service, when Pastor Groves asked what "Lot" I was dragging around, God beamed a spotlight on the chain dragging me down. Was I willing to drop my right to be right?
Once I decided to do that, it seemed like things changed. Well, at least I changed. I felt safe, peaceful and not anxious at all.
My circumstances have not changed. The same issues and problems still face us, but I am content in knowing that God has a plan. He has promised to meet our needs. He has promised not to ever leave me.
As the old song goes, God said it; I believe it; and that's good enough for me!
~ Blessings, Bronte