"Give yourself fully to God. He will use you to accomplish great things ont he condition that you believe much more in His love than in your own weakness." ~ Mother Teresa
I was finishing up Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World, and this quote by Mother Teresa struck me right between the eyes. For the past few days, I've been having this running conversation with God - I am not good enough. I am certainly not holy. I often watch or read things I shouldn't. I am lazy (right now I am writing this instead of cleaning!). I am often short or irritated or petty or mean to people, particularly my family. My tongue often gets me into trouble by wagging too much. I fall short in so many ways. So who am I that God would use me? Who am I that God would tell me I was a good and faithful servant when I get to heaven? Who am I that God would choose to bless me so abundantly?
Lately, it seems everywhere I turn, someone is sick, and not just a cold, but terminal cancer type stuff. Women that are my age or not much older are dying. There are several on the mom's bulletin board I frequent. One has seven children. What is up with that? There is a woman at my church. She is only 40 years old and kids that are the same age as mine. There are people around the world suffering in all kinds of ways. Why am I exempt? Is it just a matter of time?
Turning on the news is depressing these days. I think my great-great-great-great-great grandchildren will still be paying off our national debt at this point. I won't get into politics but many of the recent decisions have me cringing and wondering how long God can hold off judgement.
So many anxieties and worries crowd into my mind, but the chief among them is I can never measure up to God's standards. I will always disppoint Him. And the truth is, I can't. On my own. But God knows that I will always be predisposed to worry. I will miss opportunities because of fear or sheer laziness. Ps. 103:14, "He knows our frame, that we are but dust." He knows. My weakness doesn't come as any kind of surprise. But through my weakness, He shows His strength. If I let Him. "Take my yoke upon you for my burden is light." Do I believe God loves me no matter what? Do I believe His love is everlasting, neverending and redeeming? Do I continue to seek Him (He promises if I do, I WILL find Him)? I don't have to worry about tomorrow or next week. I just have to live today as He guides me. I have to obey today. That's all. Each day, every hour, surrendered. That's all. "Take no though for tomorrow..."