I started blogging back in 2009 because I felt God nudging me to do so, and as a writer, it seemed like a natural next step. I read a few blogs regularly - they are ones with lots of followers and lots of comments. Mine is, well, small. It's mostly for me to just record what God is doing in my life. I hope by sharing what God is teaching me, someone else might be helped along the way.
The other day, I was just having a discouraging day. I had also run across those verses, the ones that say that people will stand before God and say Lord, Lord, look at everything I did for you and He will look at them and say, depart from me - I never knew you. Those verses always make me shudder. They always make me stand stock still and ask God - am I truly yours?
I've been in church since I was a month old. I "asked Jesus in my heart" when I was 5 years old, and then I stood up on a stage at a Word of Life camp and shared my testimony a few months later in front of a large group of people - I've never really had stage fright. I remember in junior high going through the angst of "am I saved or aren't I saved?" I recall specifically one time in the shower, crying and asking God to save me "for sure" (I told you I often have epiphanies in the shower).
In my late 20's, I started learning to truly dig in and study the Bible for myself - not just read about it - and suddenly my Christianity went from shades of grey to brilliant, vibrant color.
But those verses always make me shudder. They never fail to make cold fingers of dread trail up my spine.
So, I was praying as I walked my dog - I do that a lot - and I was praying about this. It just felt as if God had been silent for a while. I wasn't feeling His presence, and I wasn't sure why. Those verses echoed in the back of my mind, taunting me - Satan's hiss of doubt tickling my ear. I could go back in my mind and remember God speaking to me (not audibly or anything) and working in my life, but then I'd think "Well, maybe that was wishful thinking or emotions."
I was Gideon with his fleece.
I'm sure God sighed sadly at my doubt but then He brought to mind the verse that says that those who seek God with all their hearts will find Him. God doesn't play mind games with us - now you belong to me and now you don't. HE is steadfast, unwavering. We are the ones that stumble and falter.
When I got home, feeling in a much better frame of mind, I read one of the ebooks I got in an awesome bundle deal. It was on blogging. I was really blessed by the book and it's encouragement to blog with God in mind. Then, for some reason, I decided to go back to my very first blog post and start reading.
That's when I saw them - God's fingerprints were all over my blog.
Post after post had evidence of His presence in my life, of answering prayers, of meeting me right where I was at - it touched me deeply.
Now I know why God had the Israelites always piling rocks up for memorials - so they would remember. I would read those stories and think to myself,"Surely, nobody would forget the parting of the Red Sea or the miraculous victories that could have only been God?" But they did, and while I shook my head at their forgetfulness, I'm just as bad.
Time has a way of blurring our awe and wonder at God's work in our lives. At least it does for me.
As I read on, I marveled at His goodness, and I also felt humbled and thankful that He had shown up once again - reaching into my life to answer my questions and ease my fears and doubts, showing me He makes a daily difference in my life in a thousand and one ways.
He's faithful like that though.
~ Blessings, Bronte