Before anyone gets scared by that title, let me reassure you that I'm talking about blogging. :) Lately, every time I think about blogging, my thoughts seem too big for the keyboard. I have been hugging my experiences, thoughts and feelings tightly to me these past few weeks.
About three weeks ago, we found out my husband had some potentially serious heart problems. Needless to say, this sort of rocked my world. We found out in a very roundabout way. He had to have a physical because we wanted to increase some life insurance. We started this journey because of a "blip" on his EKG. Little did we know.
First, he went to his family doctor who sent him to a cardiologist. The cardiologist sent him for an echocardiogram and a stress test. A few days later, we were nervously waiting in the exam room to get his results.
The results ended up being no results. The tests gave an idea of what could be the problem but couldn't exactly pinpoint it. So, last Thursday (9/22), Bruce went to the hospital for a TEE - a transesophagal echo or in plain English, an ultrasound of the back of his heart.
Thankfully, we didn't have to wait for those results. While my dear husband was still out, the doctor told me some great news - no surgery because his heart valve was fine. Instead, he had a left ventricle outflow blockage - basically a blood flow problem caused by some thickened heart muscle. Because of that, my hubby would have to be on beta blockers, and would be seeing the cardiologist on a fairly regular basis. At his next appointment, they will probably strap a HOlt monitor to him for a day or two, and perhaps send him to Columbus to see an electrophysiologist. I don't know what that is either.
The weird thing was - Bruce felt and looked completely fine, even in retrospect.. Looking at him, you'd never know he had any kind of medical problem. HE didn't have any symptoms. The problem, which is congenital, was quietly ticking away inside him and neither of us had any idea there was even a problem.
It was so strange to me to know in my head that he had something seriously wrong, but to not see it with my eyes. The thought that kept coming to me was "this doesn't seem real."
This week, after gearing myself up for the open heart surgery I was sure my husband would have to have, I am sort of floundering. There's nothing to gear up for - we will just go on as we have been, albeit with more whole grains and less junk food. I suppose this feeling is a cross between relief and disbelief that life as I knew it could have changed so quickly and irrevocably. The reminder, once again, that nothing in life is for sure - that things can change from one moment to the next. The fact that I am not in control hit home once more.
I like to think if I am just organized and on top of things enough, I can control things, but as much as I'd like to think that, it's not true. It's an illusion. The same illusion that my husband appeared completely healthy.
Fortunately, we serve a God who IS in complete control. NOthing takes Him by surprise. Not only that, He loves us and is wholeheartedly for us, so we can rest in that.
God gave me this sentence throughout all this and it has been my prayer - that HIS glory will shine through us no matter what happens. "Difficult times are an opportunity for God's glory to shine through ordinary people."
He also gave us a verse the day we were nervously awaiting Bruce's test results from his stress test.
"He will have no fear of bad news; his hears it steadfast, trusting in the Lord." Psalms 112:7
You just can't get more relevant than that!
~ Blessings, Bronte