I am a why person. I want to know why all the time. It can really drive people nuts - just ask my dear husband! :) This past week, I was listening to a Beth Moore online Bible teaching (I LOVE Beth Moore btw) and she was saying how that her abuse in her past was part of God's plan for her and that He allowed it for her good so that she could then use it in ministry. She said while God is never the author of sin, He can use awful things for our ultimate good, even if it doesn't seem that way at the time.
This, of course, led me to start asking about God's sovereignty and our free will. I was left with my brain in a tangle trying to figure out where and how these intersected with God's foreknowledge. Confused yet? Yeah, so was I!
On top of this, I was having a bad week. It just seems one thing after another keeps hitting us, and as I was looking at God's sovereignty it became sort of personal as I applied it all to my life. I mean, how was it God's will - His PLAN - for people to sin against my family? How was it His plan that after He called me and gave me a desire to write, I would have to find a full time job with benefits? I was left with this feeling of how can I trust God if I don't understand this? How can I be at peace with it all even if I can't fully wrap my mind around it?
Well, over the course of several days of wrestling with this(and honestly, this idea of God being in total control even of the bad stuff that happens has cropped up in my daily Bible study, sermons and even the Beth Moore lesson I clicked on!) I had a sort of epiphany during church (where once again this subject came up!). If I will only trust God when I can see the big picture and understand what He is doing, well, that isn't really trust is it?
It was like I was saying to God, "I'll trust You as soon as You explain Yourself to me and assure me of a happily ever after ending." What audacity! What cheek! To say to God Almighty - "Prove Yourself trustworthy to me." My pride and arrogance sort of make me shudder now when I think about it!
One thing that I have read several times in my Bible study is the phrase, "Will you trust God's character more than your circumstances." I guess I could add - "Will I trust God's character even when I can't understand how and what He is doing?" The bottom line is life is hard. Bad things happen to everyone because we live in a fallen world. However, I would rather go through it with God at my side, holding my hand even if I am walking in the dark than to walk in full light without Him.
~ Blessings, Bronte