Two women gave me life – one didn’t want a child and the other did. One found an unexpected pregnancy devastating, a cause of panic. The other, found that unexpected pregnancy a source of hope, a way to have her arms filled when they had been empty before. One I’ve never met, and the other is all I’ve known.
As someone who is adopted, I’m often asked if I want to meet my “real mom.” My answer is, “Not really – I already have a real mom.” Sure, it would be nice to know where I get my creative ways or my auburn hair; knowing a little medical history wouldn’t be a bad thing either.
The truth is, though, my bio mom has gone on with her life. She’s probably married and has a family of her own. I don’t have any desire to disrupt that.
I do wish I could tell her thank you, though.
Thank you for choosing to carry me, even though in the 1970s being pregnant and not married still brought shame.
Thank you for putting your plans and life on hold, so I could one day have plans and life, too.
Thank you for caring enough to indicate the type of home you wanted me in. Apparently, my biological mom was an only child, so she specifically asked for me to be placed in a home with siblings. This is the main reason that my parents did not have to wait too long after they adopted my older brother to adopt a second child – which would be me.
The other woman in my life IS my mom. I don’t even really like to use the phrase “adoptive mom” because to me, she’s just my mom. While my birth mom gave me life, my mom is the one who taught me how to live it.
She is the one that read me story after story when I pestered anyone who breathed to read to me.
She is the one that got up during the night when I was sick, and the one who taught me about Jesus and faith.
She is the one that encouraged me to dream and learn and grow.
She is the one that guided me into adulthood, so I could fulfill those plans and dreams.
Two women who have never met each other, but each has given me untold gifts. My birth mom gave me the gift of life. My adoptive mom taught me how to use that gift.
On Mother’s Day, I have to say thank you to both of them.