I have two speeds - paralyzed with fear OR running ahead all willy-nilly. I also tend to be the jump first, look later type of person when I finally do start to move forward in something. In other words, impulsive would be a good word to describe me! (or maybe schizophrenic would be better) While I find that spontaneity gives my life joy, sometimes, it gets me into trouble. When I get excited about something, a lot of times I race ahead before I really know where I'm going.
Because I tend to charge ahead when I finally do unstick my feet, I tend to do hurry to "catch up." I end up running down the path without waiting for God and His leading, then I get overwhelmed and anxious because I haven't taken the time to wait on God. I'm like the toddler that sees something shiny and wanders off in the store to get a closer look, only to turn around and panic when she loses sight of her mom.
Take this God-sized Dream Team thing. I was and am so excited for this opportunity. I've been inspired, encouraged and humbled as I have read blogs and chatted back and forth with a truly great group of very talented women.
But in my excitement of a new opportunity, I have charged ahead (again)- only to find myself up the road without a clue as to where I'm going. There has been a disturbing silence in the past few days - a silence that has finally registered as I have paused to look around.
That's when I realized it.
God was further back on the path, patiently waiting for me to take His hand and go with Him - not dawdling without focus, not rooted to the spot in fear, not even running full out toward my dreams. With Him. At His speed. On His time table.
So today, I took a deep breath and let go of the fear of not moving down the path fast enough. I sat down with God in the quiet of the morning hours and I said, "Here are my dream. What do YOU want me to do with them? Which way do YOU want me to go? YOU set the pace and lay out the map. I'm just along for the ride."
After all, I can try all I want, but if I am trying to do it without God, I will fail in all the ways that truly matter.
It's hard to lay your dreams on the alter. It's hard to give up control. It's hard to say this is not all about me and what I want. But it is freeing.
It's freeing because that means it's not all up to me. It's up to God. What a great thing to know - that I don't have to have all the answers or a five year plan or even a month-long plan.
I just have to know my God.
"Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary." ~ Isaiah 40:31
~ Blessings, Bronte