Time is an interesting thing. When we are doing something tedious, it seems to pass agonizingly slowly. I remember sitting in certain classes and the minute hand seemed to stop all together. Even though I was willing it with all my might to speed up, it just crept along.
Then, there are other periods of time - usually when we are having fun or doing something enjoyable - when time "just flies by." I will look at the clock and be shocked at how late it is - how in the world did it get to be THAT time already??
Time also seems to pick up speed the older we get. My own personal theory on this is perspective. When you are 5 years old, a year is a fifth of your entire life. When you are 50, a year is a much smaller percentage so it appears to go by faster. I don't know if this is very scientific, but it works for me. :)
I know when I was a kid, summer stretched before me like an endless vista, but now, well, I can't believe we are halfway through July already and in a little more than a month, my boys will be headed back to school. (I won't get into the fact that one will be entering middle school and the other one, high school - I'm still floating down that rive of denial!)
Time is one of those things that we never seem to have just the right amount of though - either we don't feel like we have enough or it sits heavily on us. The thing is though, we all have the same amount of time each day - 24 hours. A week doesn't change either - it's always 7 days. There are always 12 months in a year and unless it's leap year, the number of days in the year stays constant too.
Over the past few years, I've been learning to trust God in our finances - even when the numbers don't seem to quite add up, He always provides. I don't mean to say that there aren't times when I have momentary qualms or wonder how we will afford x or y, but based on God's continued faithfulness I know in my head at least, there is no real reason to worry.
My time, however, I am learning I'm a bit more of a control freak. I've felt God calling me to write, and the truth is, despite the best of intentions, I have not been nearly as consistent in fulfilling this call as I should be. In fact, weeks will go by when I do not pick up my pen or sit down at the computer to work on my writing.
I was sitting in church this past week, and I was chatting with God about how I wanted to do whatever He wanted me to do. I felt in my spirit a gentle chastisement - "Oh really?" the Spirit seemed to say, "You haven't been doing what I've already asked you to have you?"
I knew He meant my writing. I mean to do it. I want to do it, but it's so easy for me to push it down to the bottom of my to do list because other things seem so much more urgent and pressing. I have weekly deadlines, not to mention a couple other jobs during the school year and a household to run. (For some reason, my family wants to eat three times a day and insists they need clean clothes).
It's really easy for me to justify my lack of obedience by calling it "being busy." The truth is I have 24 hours in every day just like everyone else. The truth that God showed me, as I sat in the church pew this week was that I didn't trust Him with my time. I was afraid, if I made my priorities the same as His, I just wouldn't have enough time to get everything done.
God tells us, though, in Phil. 4:19 that He, meaning God, will supply ALL of our needs, according to His riches in Christ Jesus.
This means time, too. This means that despite the fact that I have a deadline each week, I can still make my own writing a priority most days. If God has called me to this - which I believe He has - then He will provide the time I need to get everything done.
I know it certainly is not getting done with ME trying to be in control all the time. God blesses our obedience, even in the small things. We are supposed to give our first fruits to God, and I believe that means our time, too. I also believe sometimes we expect more of ourselves than God does. Is it even really possible to do 50 different things in one day and are we setting ourselves up for failure by setting the bar impossibly high?
It's just so tempting to do the urgent first rather than the important, but my goal is to trust God with my time, just as I do with my more physical needs.
I'm excited to see what God will do with my willingness. There is a verse in the Old Testament (of course I can't remember where it is at) that says God is looking throughout the world for people who will follow Him. I don't know about you, but I want to be counted in that number.
Just be sure to remind me of this the next time I am freaking out about a looming deadline!
~ Blessings, Bronte
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