Lately, I've been coming up against the call I feel God has placed on my life - ministering to women through writing, teaching and speaking - and the reality of my life which is the financial need to work a lot.
I feel like I am standing, like the Israelites, on the banks of the Jordan River. On the other side is the Promised Land. I can see it and oh does it sparkle in the sun! But between me and the Promised Land is a raging river. It froths and churns. It does not appear to be crossable in any way. My meager attempts to build rafts or rig up some kind of conveyance to get across have been futile. Every time I try to get across, waves and rocks crash into me and send me scrambling back to the shore.
To be honest, I feel sort of abandoned on this shore with the promise seemingly taunting me from the other side. I feel like I did take that first step of faith by quitting my job last year with nothing to count on but God's call and promise.
Yes, God was very good to provide me with two jobs, but the time it took to do them (and the string of health issues I've had in the past months) left me with nothing to give to my calling. Now another financial burden has been heaped on my shoulders and it seems impossible to cross this raging river with it tied onto my back.
I wish I could say I had the answers to this. But I don't. I wish I could say I saw a way that God was making for me. But I don't. I wish I could say I feel hopeful and optimistic here on my rocky shore. But I don't.
What I do know though is that God is faithful. Always. What I do know is that He is bigger than any circumstance that comes my way. What I do know is that He is always with me because He promises to never leave me or forsake me. What I do know is that He has a plan and a purpose for my life and if I let Him, even difficult, seemingly overwhelming circumstances can be used to bring Him glory and deepen my relationship with Him. What I do know is that HE is the Blessed Controller, not me. What I do know is that nothing can seperate me from His love. What I do know, that no matter how it feels, I am overwhelmingly a conqueror through Christ. (Interesting that Greek word for overwhelmingly conquerors is the root for Nike and their slogan for "Just Do It.")
"But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able tosepearte us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our God." Romans 8:37-39
So, I can stand on the rocky shore and know that my footing is firm even if the river seems too big and wild for me. Blessed be the Rock of my Salvation!
~ Blessings, Bronte