That phrase sounds so great when we hear it coming from the pastor - "walk by faith." It sounds inspiring when we hear other people share how "walking by faith" got them through a tough situation. It doesn't sound so marvelous when you are applying it to your own situation.
With God, there is always a reason for everything. Nothing is by chance, and He knows just what you need, when you need it. For the past few weeks, I have been very, very busy with my kids' activities. It's made me feel a bit crazy, truth be known. In addition to that, I have been plagued by "what if's" and "how will we..." with our finances.
Midweek, I found myself jealous and envious of a good friend because she was getting to do what I want to do - speak God's Truth to others. I know, that sounds so immature and selfish doesn't it? I cringe typing those words, but there it is.
Some days, I feel old, washed up - like it is getting close to being too late to realize my dreams. I feel stuck in what I have to do and what I feel called to do.
Because of these things converging all at the same time, I have been frantically running around, trying to fix it, trying to figure out what to do next. I've been exhausting myself, scrabbling for answers like someone running around in the dark, running into the furniture but without the good sense to stop and turn on the light.
This week, as I was praying about this, complaining really about how was I supposed to do what God called me to do and still fix all these things, I felt God tell me to be still. To just stop already.
This morning, in my quiet time I was reading Psalms 18 and verse 28 caught my eye. It says, "For You light my lamp; the Lord my God illumines my darkness." What hit me was the psalmist did not say THE darkness. He said MY darkness. In other words, God lights up OUR areas of darkness so we can see the path, sometimes only one foot fall in front of us, but that is all we need with God at our side.
Today, I also attended a Thelma Wells conference. I don't know if you know who Thelma Wells is, but you can find out more about her at www.thelmawells.com. What I can tell you is she is a 70-year- old woman with a great sense of humor, a realness, a "tell it like it is" forthrightness and a deep faith that make you want to curl up and listen to what she says. She talked about walking by faith.
The thing that she said that really hit me was that nobody can keep you from what God has for you but yourself, and also, that we are not in control. I have been trying to control things, trying to fix things, trying to arrange things neatly and in order. And guess what? That isn't my job. What a relief!! It was like a great big boulder rolled off my shoulders. "Come unto me all you who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest."
Through Mama T, as they call her, God shined His light on my darkness. "Be still and know that I am God." I think this summer that is what I am going to do - just be still.
~ Blessings, Bronte