Free Indeed

LESSONS FROM SPORTS

2012-02-09T17:34:00.001-08:00

I mean lessons for ME! lol I am seriously not a sports person. I enjoyed playing softball and basketball when I was a kid, but in high school I was a cheerleader. As a Baptist, it was the closest thing I could get to dancing! :)

Marrying a coach and giving birth to two males pretty much sealed my fate. I was destined to spend the next 20 years sitting in bleachers and camp chairs at a variety of sidelines in all kinds of weather. Usually, after the mad rush to feed everyone and get there on time, it is fun. The parents on the sidelines are sort of a ragtag tribe as we drive all over, following our favorite players. Even if we are from different schools, you start to recognize the other teams' parents because they are always there.

It's funny because normally, I could not care less about who wins a game, but put my kid out on the court or the field and all that changes. Suddenly, I feel completely within my rights to tell the ref or umpire what he is doing wrong. My blood pressure goes up, and it usually takes my husband (who is annoyingly unflappable) of looking at me like I have lost my mind to make me sit down and be quiet.

Tonight, my oldest son Brock was in his 8th grade basketball tournament against arch rivals, the Perry Commodores. It was nip and tuck all night. We'd pull ahead four or five points and then the Commodores would hit us with a full out press, forcing turnovers or walking calls on our guys.

My son is the point guard, which means he runs the plays. He's the focus of all that lovely defensive energy from the other team as he brings the ball up the court. Tonight, I could see his nerves jangling as he worked the ball up the court. His shots were off and he turned over the ball a few times at key points in the game, but overall, he did well. He took care of the ball.

You have to know something about Brock. While I am NOT self-disciplined AT ALL. He has been disciplined since basically the womb. He was about 7 years old when he gravely informed me he needed to study on Monday for his test Friday. He patiently explained to me (his mother who was wondering why we were reviewing spelling words for a test 4 days away) that on Tuesday he had a game and on Wednesday he had AWANA and on Thursday he another game. Um, okay. I didn't realize children came pre-programmed as "very responsible." If I'd known, I'd have ordered more of them! lol

Because of his high level of self-discipline, he works at his basketball game. It's very important to him. He spends hours shooting from various points on the court and he shot hundreds, probably thousands, of free throws this summer, rain or shine. He was dedicated.

Tonight, all that practice, all that sweat, all that time, paid off for him. He had the last free throws of the game. We were ahead by one point and there was very little time left on the clock. The tension in the gym was palpable - it pulsed with expectations and hopes. I had my eyes squeezed shut, frantically fanning myself, praying for Brock to just shut out all the noise and do what he knew to do best - just shoot.

Swish went the first shot. Now we were up by two and Perry would have to hit a 3 pointer to win. Quiet fell again as the ref bounced the ball back to him. I squeezed my eyes shut again and waved my fan faster as Perry screamed "Miss it!" Swish, the second basket went in. Brock's only points tonight were 5 out of 6 free throws. He was nervous with the pressure of the tournament game, but he stepped up to that line and shot the ball. And he made his shots.

The last 9 seconds of the clock ran down as the Perry players put up two seperate shots that were short of the mark. Our fans were screaming and shouting - the bleachers were vibrating. I didn't scream or shout. Instead, I looked at my boy. He had tears in his eyes. It was that important to him, and the fact that he made those shots - well, I had tears in my eyes, too. Not because I just love basketball so much, but because it is so important to Brock. He's my boy - what's important to him, is important to me, as well.

I know it is just a game. I know that losing carries with it it's own lesson, but tonight, tonight he could celebrat a hard fought win. Tonight, he learned a different lesson: practice and hard work pay off. His head and heart were nervous, but his muscles remembered.

As I watched the pure joy on his face, I caught a glimpse of what God must feel when we hit the winning shots so to speak - when our practice of obeying and doing what is right pays off. God is rooting for us - He is in our corner. He is the God of the Universe but our concerns concern Him. I think God smiled when those two shots swished through the net. I know He smiled when Brock handed out tracts to a couple of the Perry players before the game. Muscle memory works for more than just basketball.

~ Blessings, Bronte

MY CONFESSION

2012-02-09T06:17:00.000-08:00

I admit it - I have no self-discipline. I really, really don't. What I DO have are a lot of good intentions that never bloom into actions. I suppose it is part and parcel with being a dreamer - you tend to live with your head in the clouds and actually putting your feet on the path doesn't happen by chance.

However, since my New Year's theme is being intentional, that would include some self-discipline. The big one for me is getting up earlier. A few weeks ago, I was flying high over getting up early and writing for an hour. It felt GREAT!

Guess what? I haven't done that in over a week. I have good intentions, but as morning rolls around and I am lying in my snug, warm bed, I start to rationalize how I can stay there longer and still get things done. Of course, this never happens. I get up late and am immediately behind on my to-do list. I cut my exercising short and then reason with myself that I can do my writing later in the day. Does it really matter when that hour happens? The problem is that the writing hour gets shoved later and later until finally, it is bedtime and I think I'll just do better tomorrow.

But tomorrow never comes.

At the moment, I feel like I am in a holding pattern, and I really, truly believe that God is waiting (patiently, I might add) for me to start obeying Him in this area. It's like He's saying, "I really can't move you forward on this path until you actually set your feet on the road already!" Is a warm bed really more important than that?

There are other reasons I need to get up earlier which was brought home to me this morning as I was shaking the lone box of cereal left in the cupboard - keep in mind I bought FIVE boxes of cereal just four days ago. It occured to me that my kids really needed to eat something besides cereal in the mornings. I am trying to cut our grocery bill down and buying a truckload of cereal is just not going to accomplish that, kwim.

My husband is a lovely man - he is also a morning person. He gets up and feeds the boys breakfast. I am usually just getting out of bed as they leave for school with their dad in the mornings at 7 a.m.

I was thinking today that our breakfast habits need to change or rather THEIR breakfast habits needed to change. But was it really fair to ask my husband to start making eggs and French toast in the morning? The answer is no.

So, yet another reason to haul my heiny out of beds in the morning. I was whining to God about this in my quiet time yesterday. "God, You know I am not a morning person. I am just setting myself up for failure by setting this impossible goal. Surely, surely, you are not asking me to do this!"

His answer came from Beth Moore. No, I'm not pals with her and she did not email me her wisdom. I was just listening to her message on "Pressing Through Fear" last night before bedtime. She read the verse 2 Tim. 1:7 and it was like a thunder bolt: "For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline."

I've heard that verse a lot, and I have even used it to combat fearfulness. When I feel baseless fears (or even fears with some basis), I know that is not from God. But I completely missed the last part of it because I was focusing on what God had NOT given me - a spirit of timidity (or to accurately translate it - a spirit of cowardice).

But listen to what He HAS given me: power, love and discipline. I decided to look those words up in the original Greek (yes, I know that makes me a geek). Power is the word dynamus from which we get our word dynamite. (I thought this particularly appropriate since it will take dynamite to get me out of bed in the mornings). Love is agape which we are all familiar with - unconditional love. And discipline or as some translations put it "sound mind" is translated as self-control or self-discipline.

In my own power, I don't ever think I'll be a morning person. With the power God gives me, I can exercise self-discipline and get myself out of bed.

Hey, with God all things are possible - even turning a night owl into an early bird.
~ Blessings, Bronte

MARRIAGE - ON PURPOSE

2012-02-08T08:16:00.001-08:00

I just started a new Bible study. It's called What's It Like Being Married to Me? All I can say is so far, it has stomped all over my toes!

The first chapter was about my priorities - what is important to me? When I look around, I can honestly say my relationship with God is the most important thing to me. If I don't spend time with God daily I am a complete mess. It isn't that I'm "oh so spiritual." It's that I am a feeble human being who desperately NEEDS God's strength and grace to get through each day. Good thing for me, God is gracious and compassionate and abounding in lovingkindness, and His schedule is always open! I suppose that is one of the great things about being omnipresent- you're never booked up. :)

But her question of whether my husband was a top priority brought me up short. Was he? I mean, I wanted him to be. I've always been aware of the trap of being so invested in your kids that you let your marriage go so that when the kids finally go away to college, you and your hubby look at each other with that feeling that you've seen each other somewhere before but....

The truth is the combination of my crazy work hours and my husband being gone from home a lot has made my dear man sometimes drop off my radar for days and even weeks at a time. It's not that I don't see or talk to him, but he's not on my priority list. I'm tired or busy or absent, and so I don't really see him. It's like he's another piece of furniture in the room - furniture that talks, but still.

The other thing that hit me square between the eyes was the author's admonition to have a purpose statement for my marriage - not what I wanted from my husband, but the type of wife I wanted to be. I mean, I have thought about this over the years, but I had never put down anything concrete.

You can use a verse, an acronym, a poem or whatever you want to come up with your own statement. Being an English nerd, I used the acronym STAND. I wanted to take a STAND as a godly wife.

Here's my statement - I'm sure I'll hone it as time goes on:
S - soft and safe
T - true, truthful and tender
A - admiring, adventuresome and attitude (as in a good one!)
N - nice, not-nagging
D - dependable and desirable

I'll explain my words for clarity. For the letter S, I want to have a soft heart toward my husband. It is easy to let little hurts build up a crust on your heart. I have to be intentional in not letting that happen, since I think it is just a natural thing for humans to do. I want to be a safe person for my husband. I want him to feel he can tell me anything, and I won't start screeching at him or hold it against him or tell the whole world.

For the letter T, I want to always be true to my hubby in word, thought and of course, deed! I want to be truthful - always speaking the truth in love and I want to be tender toward him. It is so easy to be tender toward our children, but we can get sort of crotchety toward our husbands.

For the letter A, I want to be admiring. For men, respect and admiration are important things. I want my husband to know I greatly admire him - because I really do! I want to be adventuresome. As the mom, sometimes I am the wet blanket - reminding everyone of safety issues or lapsed bedtimes or the million and one things that could go wrong. Finally, I want to have a good, positive attitude. Have you ever met someone whose attitude goes before them like those cartoon storm clouds? Yeah - not so much fun!

For N, I want to be nice to my husband. Sometimes, the people we are nice to aren't even in our family! I also don't want to be a nag. What is that verse about it being better to be in a drippy corner of an attic than live with a nagging woman? That is just not a very flattering picture and I certainly don't want to drive my husband away from me!

For D, I want to be dependable. I want to be someone he can lean on and count on, no matter what is going on around us. I want him to know I have his back, even if nobody else does - that I am always looking out for HIS best interests. For desirable, I want to take care of myself. Yes, the fact is I am going to get older, saggier and wrinklier, but that doesn't mean I have to dress like a slob and not take care of myself, either. Most men I know, my husband included, are not looking for a model as a wife, but they probably do wish you'd wear a little makeup, brush your hair and wear something besides sweats once in a while. I want my husband to know he's worth the effort and time it takes for me to look nice. (it seems to take longer and longer every year!)

So, there you have it - my marriage statement. I will be praying that God changes me to reflect this statement, and that I will be a blessing to my husband and not driving him to seek out the leaking attic corner!

Blessings, Bronte

SMALL MIRACLES

2012-02-07T06:08:00.000-08:00

That seems like an oxymoron doesn't it? By definition, is any miracle small? What I mean, though, are daily miracles that we take for granted or don't even see because we are too busy living our lives.

This year, I want to live intentionally, fearlessly and joyfully. One way to be both more intentional and to be joyful is to be thankful. It's easy to get into a habit of being negative or even just neutral - we aren't complaining but we aren't being actively thankful either. To be completely honest, I tend to waver between the two.

But in the midst of less than stellar circumstances, I am still called to be thankful. In the midst of good circumstances, I am called to be thankful. Sometimes, it is when things are going well that is the easiest to just not give thanks at all. I'm not sure why that is exactly.

As I look around at my life, I see a lot to BE thankful for these days. One thing that God brought to my attention is my computer. My computer is old - ancient in computer years. It is almost 11 years old. (don't faint) The CD player no longer works. I can't download pictures or much of anything without it crashing. There has been more than one morning, with a deadline looming, that I have vacillated between anger and tears, as I prayed fervently that my computer would just work long enough to get my article edited and sent off.

Now, that may not seem like much to be thankful for, but the truth is, at the present time we do not have the funds to get a new computer. And this computer, according to everybody who knows anything about computers, should have been dead a year a go. It was doing that go to an all blue screen with white letters - the kiss of death in the computer world - but here it is, a year later, still chugging away.

That is a small miracle. It reminds me of the Israelites. Did you know that they wore the same sandals for the entire 40 years? God gave those sandals supernatural durability. They never wore out. I think of my computer as a modern day equivalent to those sandals. It may not be the newest or sleekest. It may not have all the latest bells or whistles, but it gets me where I need to go.

Sometimes, thankfulness is not about the big things that come with fireworks, but it is about looking around at our every day lives and really seeing with what God has blessed us. Many days, my work schedule doesn't feel like something to be thankful for - looming deadlines, dumb mistakes on my part, bratty kids, evening hours - but I look at the things I am good at, that I enjoy. They are teaching and writing, and guess what? I'm doing those things. Yes, I wish I did not have to work evenings and I wish that I got a day off once in a while, but I'm doing what I'm gifted to do. How many people can say that?

"Bless the Lord, Oh my soul; bless the Lord and forget not all of His benefits." Psalms 103:1

~ Blessings, Bronte

FEELINGS... NOTHING MORE THAN FEELINGS

2012-02-04T17:00:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been listening to someone and had a light bulb moment? I had one the other day. I've been letting it roll around in my head to really let it soak in.

I was listening to Mark Driscoll talk about the prosperity gospel and how off base it is. I couldn't agree more - nowhere in MY Bible does it say the Christian life promises wealth, health and no troubles. In fact, the original 12 disciples' lives pretty much shoots that theory to pieces!

What caught my attention though was when Pastor Driscoll said that Jesus had anxiety. I thought, "No way! Jesus could NOT have been anxious." But He did sweat drops of blood in the Garden of Gethsemane. The thing was, whatever He was feeling at that moment did not keep Him from obedience to His Father.

As most of you know who read my blog, I tend to be a worrier and a fretter. It's a habit I'm trying to break. The irony, of course, is that my life verses are Phil 4:6, 7. You know, the verses that say, "Be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God and the peace which passes all understanding will keep your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

I guess I kind of thought that meant, if I was really in tune with God, I'd never feel anxious. Which, now that I think about it, is kind of silly. That's like saying just because the Bible says to "be angry and sin not," means that you won't ever be angry.

Feelings are real. They are a gift from God. I mean, the gift of fear let's us know that walking down that dark alley alone in the bad part of town might not be the best idea.

However, it's when I let those feelings rule me that I get into trouble. And yes, I realize that the closer I get to God, the more my mind is transformed to the mind of Christ, and the result of that is my feelings will align more and more with Him. I don't know about you, but I'm not quite there yet, and I was feeling very guilty that I still had anxious moments. I worried about being worried, if you can believe that! lol I worried about what worry said about my faith.

Feelings are real, but they aren't always true. I can't trust them exclusively to help me make decisions and see things clearly.

However, when I feel anxious or worried, I have a choice - just like I have a choice when I get angry. I can choose to take every anxiety and worry to Christ. God promises us peace if we do that.

In Phil. 4:8 it says what I should dwell on instead of the things I'm anxious about or my worries. "Finally brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things."

Anxiety and worry only win when I choose to dwell on them, to allow them to grow in my mind until they are huge. When I choose to take my thoughts captive and to dwell on the true and lovely and pure, it puts it all into perspective.

~ Blessings, Bronte

CASUAL DROPS TO A NEW LOW

2012-01-30T11:00:00.000-08:00

I know I'm going to sound old and prudish, but bear with me. I have noticed a strange and disturbing trend in recent years - or maybe it's been out there longer but I was too deep in diapers and sippy cups to notice when our world made a dynamic shift.

The trend is sex so casual it's not even as significant as buying a pair of shoes, with participants that seem to get younger and younger. I guess since my son is 13 years old and will be in high school next year, my observational skills have sharpened lately and I've begun to observe the youth in our culture.

I'll be honest - I don't watch much television. I have two shows I watch on Sunday evening, but otherwise, I hardly turn on the television set. Nevertheless, I don't consider myself terribly naive when it comes to the human propensity to ditch propriety and do what feels good. I am also aware that it is more uncommon to find a young person NOT having sex than the other way around.

Even though I'll be 40 in a little over a year, I do remember what it was like when I was a teenager. But things have changed. It's no longer couples that are engaging in intimate relationships. Now it is hook-ups and sex parties where young girls wear bracelets indicating their, um, shall we say, menu of options.

I recently learned that parties featuring young women wearing these bracelets take place on a nightly basis on some college campuses. Strangers - people who are meeting for the first time ever - casually go in back rooms, come back out and choose other people to go into those rooms again.

When did young girls come to view themselves, their bodies, their health, their emotions as worthless? At what point in our culture did young girls get the message that their sensuality and appeal to the opposite sex was their main source of significance and worth? How did we let our girls down so spectacularly that many seem to think the only way to be important or have worth is to have a guy or be attractive to guys? At what point did society flip so much that now it is young men that are being pressured and pursued by young women?

It's a disturbing trend, but it's also strange. Why is that? Because we are also in a time of "girl power." There has never been a time in history that females of all ages have as many opportunities and advantages. Do you realize only 100 years ago, women couldn't vote or couldn't buy land? Only 50 years ago, a woman couldn't get a credit card in her name only. It had to have her husband's name on there. There were hardly any girls playing organized sports either up until really the 1970's.

And yet, more opportunities, more education, more advantages has not translated into young girls and women who respect themselves, their bodies and their emotions more. Instead, I can't take my sons to the mall without them having to cover their eyes - either from the 6 foot tall boobs in the Victoria Secret window ad or from the clerk whose cups overfloweth. (do companies not have dress codes at all anymore??)

I'd like to think this is the world out there, but the truth is, Sunday morning can get dicey too. I know I have boys, but I am truly shocked at times in the outfits some girls/women come to church in. Apparently, loving a brother in Christ doesn't include covering up so as not to be a stumbling block to him.

I was reading in II Timothy the other day and came across these verses 2 Timothy 3:5-7, "holding to a form of godliness although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these. For among them are those who enter into households and captivate weak women weighed down with sins, led on by various impulses, always learning and never able to come ot the knowledge of the truth."

That's us these days - we have a lot of learning but not much truthful knowledge. Lest you think I am condemning these girls - to be honest, it breaks my heart. I want to grab them by the shoulders and shake them. I want to tell them God created them. They are loved and cherished and the apple of God's eye. He is the person who will give them true significance and true worth - not the shifting ideas of being attractive and sensual. I want to shout for them to respect themselves enough to not display their bodies in immodest clothing or throw away not just their virginity but their souls for casual sex that will only make them feel MORE insignificant and worthless.

As Paul said, I want them to know the height and depth and breadth of Christ's love for them.

~ blessings, Bronte

I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY

2012-01-29T14:28:00.000-08:00

Those of you who know me are probably in shock since I ALWAYS have something to say! lol But I've popped on here a few times in the last few days,stared at the blank screen, and I have come up with nothing. Nada. Zip. Nothing.

Maybe it is the multiple deadlines hanging over my head or the knowledge that I don't have enough information for the next religion page. I'm doing a three-part series on church architecture.

I love old things. I really do. I love history and poking around old buildings and houses. They just feel differently for some reason. I like to close my eyes and imagine what it was like at that place 100 or more years ago.

BUT, I don't know anything about architecture really - except I seem to have a penchant for the pointy kind. I like things with lots of gables and A-shaped roof lines. Other than that, I know nothing.

Now I have to write three articles on it. Because a lot of the things I'm looking for are quite old or in small places, I have to visit museums and historical societies that are open at, well, odd hours. I drove to the neighboring small village (town?) of Gomer, only to find out that it isn't the fourth Sunday of the month - it's the FIFTH and since they are only open on the second and fourth Sunday of the month the tiny museum was firmly closed. However, all the key people I would need to talk to - their phone numbers were listed on the door. Gotta love small towns!

This newspaper job has been like this lately - I've been feeling like I'm out in the deep end of the lake and can barely swim. The shoreline (my deadline) seems really far away and I can only doggy paddle slowly toward it. My feet can't touch bottom and my head is barely above the water line. It's not very comfortable. At all!

I look at my list of to dos for my various jobs, and I look at the things I need to get together to figure out new jobs and I just feel like I will never make it to dry land - that I will be paddling mid-lake forever, never able to touch bottom, but trying desperately to keep my head above the water line.

For the past year, I've juggled a lot of balls. The problem is not the juggling. The problem is I can never set any of the balls down.

The thing I'm learning in all of this is that I might be weak, but God is strong. Just last week, I was feeling very overwhelmed and worried that I wouldn't get things done because I had to wait on other people in order to do my job. I hate that because that means it is completely out of my control. I just have to wait patiently and I'm really not all that patient, to be honest. I got myself worked into a tizzy. You know what though? It all worked out.

It all worked out even AFTER the head photo guy called to tell me that the pictures - the ones for the NEXT DAY'S STORY - had been on the computer that had been stolen. Guess what? The story made it into the paper - the pictures got taken somehow. It all worked out in the end.

When I was whining to my husband last week about how stressed out I was, he kindly and patiently did the whole "there,there," thing and then said, "I understand why you are stressing, but everything seems to always work out. You probably need to not worry so much."

Ah, wise words but so much easier to say than to do, for me anyway. I have been praying about another job to open up, but I've also been praying that whatever God wants for me is fine, too. I will go wherever He wants me to go. That also means I'll stay right where I am if that is what He wants - even though it is stressful, even though I feel ill-equipped, even though I never seem to be quite caught up.

The bottom line is God has placed me here, and until He moves me on, I can trust He will supply me with what I need to get the job done. In my weakness and feelings of being overwhelmed, God continually shows me that it isn't about me anyway. It is about His strength and His glory being seen through my very human frailities.

After all, difficult circumstances are an opportunity to show God's glory through ordinary people.

Well, I guess I did have something to say after all. :)
~ Blessings, Bronte

THE BOTTOMLESS PIT

2012-01-26T18:33:00.000-08:00

I have a 13 year old son. He's always hungry. Always. We had dinner before his basketball game tonight - grilled cheese, fruit and some pretzels. After the game, we stopped at McDonalds (yes, I realize it isn't really food but we went with friends). He had a double cheeseburger and a McChicken sandwich.

We got home and he wanted to cook up a stack of waffles. After convincing him he should have an apple and some more pretzels instead, he then wanted to make an english muffin with peanut butter and jelly. He's now sitting at the table eating a big square of homemade granola bar.

What can I say? He's growing. So, we just keep shoveling in the food, (and I cut a lot of coupons and look for sales). I remember when it was a huge victory when he ate a little bit of everything on his plate - those days are long gone though.

Because he is growing, his body needs fuel. Because he is extremely active, it means he needs even more fuel. So, like any good parent, I try to make sure he has good food (McDonald's notwithstanding tonight) so that what he puts in his body is helping his growing body and giving him energy for his activities.

Of course, you knew I'd turn this into some kind of spiritual metaphor didn't you? If you didn't, well, I am. As I watch Brock's seemingly insatiable appetite, I wonder about my own appetites. What am I hungry for? (besides food)

In Psalms, David says "As the deer pants after water, so my soul longs after you." I love Psalms 27 because in it David says something quite interesting. He says that the thing he desires the most, more than anything in verse 4: "One thing I have asked from teh Lord, that I shall seek; That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord and to meditate in His temple."

Of all the things David could ask for, the thing he wanted the most was to be in the God's presence. It makes me wonder what is the thing I most want? Is it God or the things He can give me? Sometimes, it is easy for me to start focusing on what God is doing rather than just who HE is, but when I fill myself up with HIM, that is when growth happens and I have the fuel to be active for Him.

God IS the rewarder of those who seek Him with all their hearts, and the reward is, well, HIM!

So, what are you hungry for?
~ Blessings, Bronte

MEMORIES

2012-01-20T06:50:00.000-08:00

I recently ran out of my deodorant. I know - you are on pins and needles to see how this story turns out. lol I use this all natural stuff called Tom's of Maine (apparently they are more all natural up there) because I had been using Secret and it was, well, making my armpits red and itchy. Not pleasant at all.

Because it doesn't take much to make me happy, I was thrilled that packaged along with my new Tom's of Maine deodorant was a small bar of all natural soap. This was particularly serendipitous because my soap was at that sliver stage - you don't want to throw it away but it's difficult to use because it's so small and fragile. So - happiness all around!

That night, before I took my shower, I got that small bar of soap out. I took a deep whiff and was instantly transported back to my grandparent's house - way back before she came to live with us. Since my Grandpa died when I was five years old, these were memories from my toddler and preschool years.

Isn't it interesting how smells can bring back such clear memories. Like most people, I tend to rely on my senses of sight and hearing, but the sense of smell is very visceral. It can conjure up the past like a movie projector sometimes. That was the case with this tiny bar of Tom's of Maine soap.

The soap had the same scent that my Granny's long ago soap had - I have no idea what kind of soap that was - maybe Dial?? I remember a gleaming bathroom with my Grandfather's shaving mug on the lip of the sink. I remember big, fluffy white towels with gold edging that seemed the height of luxury to me.

Wandering out of the bathroom, I remember the kitchen with it's bottle green carpet in squares with the black and gold design in it. I remember the wood door with it's multiple panes of glass that led to the backyard - the wood was always gleaming and golden in my memory. For some reason, I'm sure it is just my imagination supplying this detail, there always seem to be squirrels or rabbits in view from it's windows.

I remember their den with its olive green leather couch and big plaid recliner - the small tv that sat on a tv stand and the funky floor lamp.

Mostly I remember the feelings I had at my grandparents house - joyful and safe and loved. My Grandfather and I had a special bond. I adored him and I believe the feeling was mutual. My mom and Granny went to have their hair done every week at Zena's. While the multi-colored peppermints on the coffee table were of interest, mostly I didn't want to go because it was bbooorrriinnnggg to my younger self. My Grandpa would often let me stay with him instead. "Saved you again, Roscoe," he'd say with that big laugh he had.

He had a big garden at the back of his yard, and I believe my love of plants and the desire to have my own patch of plants comes from those early days of walking with him up and down the rows.

He always had a smile for me, and he was just fun. I remember my Granny was always bustling around - busy making homemade chicken soup or her to-die-for spaghetti sauce. Even after she came to live with us, she was always busy working - ironing, washing - she was a woman who worked hard. But my Grandpa always had time for some fun or games.

Both of them are gone now. My Grandpa died the spring after I turned five years old. It took me a whole year to really, truly believe he wasn't coming back. I remember being in first grade and sobbing into my pillow one night when it truly hit home that he was gone for good.

My Granny passed away in 2007 which is five years ago already. It was in March and the rest of that month is a blur in my mind. She had been a part of my life forever, and it was hard to know she wasn't there anymore. But, at almost 95 years old, she was ready to go home. I like to think of them in heaven together again. My Granny was a somewhat serious woman, but I remember my Grandpa always being able to coax a smile out of her and get her to put aside her work for a moment of play.

Memories spring up from the strangest things. Revisiting my grandparents home was an unexpected blessing and it all came from a Tom's from Maine miniature bar of soap. Who knew?

~ Blessings, Bronte

GOD'S PATHS

2012-01-16T08:59:00.000-08:00

Don't you wish God would just email you what He wants you to do or perhaps leave a voice mail? It would be so much easier. My path the past couple years has been rather twisty and poorly lit.

To be honest, a lot of times I only have light for the very next step and the dark unknown yawns before me with all of its questions and wonderings. I've learned to be okay with that - it doesn't mean I like it though. I'd really rathr God handed me a divine GPS system that laid out my route, complete with detours and rest stops highlighted for me.

But God doesn't work like that - at least in my life.

I have another job opportunity presented to me, and thus, another interview. To be completely honest, I'm tired of continuing to walk through doors that slam in my face, but I know that this is a process wherein God is narrowing my choices down so I am still on the right path - His path.

The good thing is, I've learned an awful lot about the intervewing process. (it had been literally over a decade since I'd been on a formal interview when I went to my first job interview last fall) I've learned about patience and about doing my best and leaving the results in God's hands. I've learned the truth that I am truly NOT in control of much of anything, despite my delusions otherwise. And I've learned to not only be okay in that, but to rest in that as well.

After all, while I don't know what my future holds, I know God holds my future. That is a restful thought because I also know that God is good. He is my loving Father who wants what is best for me (even when I may not agree about what constitutes "best"). He knows my future and has plans to prosper and not harm me.

Mostly, I've been learning (and am still in the process of learning) that circumstances are just litter along the path God has for me. I can let them trip me up or I can pick them up and carry them with me, letting them weigh me down. The other option is I can choose to let God take care of my path, and therefore all those pesky circumstances, for me.

"Bless the Lord, O my soul; Bless the Lord and forget not all of His benefits." God is the best insurance plan around because He truly does offer the best benefits!

~ Blessings, Bronte

LIFE PERSISTS

2012-01-14T19:57:00.000-08:00

We had our first real snow Thursday night into Friday. Of course, that constituted about two inches of snow. Unlike my dear husband, who informed me he was already over winter, I was excited. I love winter and I love snow - granted, maybe I'd feel differently if I was responsible for shoveling it. lol

Today, I took my dog for a long walk. Yesterday, it was even too cold for me to walk the dog. Once it gets under about 16 degrees, I'm done. I laced up my boots, bundled up and headed out the door.

Kipper loves snow too. (he is the perfect dog for me!) He was having the best time kicking up his heels and snuffling his long nose into the fluff for scents and just for fun, I think. :)

The thing I notice about the world when it snows is everything seems muffled. It's like everything is wrapped in wool batting and there is a hush laid over regular life. I'm not sure if this is my imagination or some kind of atmospheric thing, but I notice it every time I go out after a big snowfall.

As I walked up the curve, I stopped to lean over the rail and look into the small sewer drainage ditchy thingy - not sure what you call it, but there is a small stream of water that runs through there. I noticed earlier this fall that there are little schools of fish in that bit of water.

The first time I saw them, I about fell over the rail in my surprise and excitement (and yes, it does not take a whole lot to entertain me!). At first, I thought it was the trick of the light, but no, there were the tiny silvery fish, maybe a half to one inch long, darting along the vegetation at the bottom of the water. I was enchanted, to be honest.

I was impressed that life had found a way to persist despite the less than stellar environment it found itself in. It brought to mind a picture I once saw of a small, bent and twisted tree that was clinging to a rock on the side of a granite sided mountain. It was hanging from what looked like pure rock, the only green thing in a vast landscape of grey rock. Apparently, there was a small sliver of soil for it to push its roots into, and so it lived.

So, today, when I walked by the creek thing, I peered over the rail. I thought surely the fish would not survive the very cold temperatures in the very shallow depth of water. I stared for a long time, but then I saw it - a flash of silver darting at the bottom.

It was somehow very uplifting to see life persist despite the circumstances. Over and over again, I marvel at the many lessons and pictures God presents to us in the natural world.

"The heavens declare Your handiwork"... Ain't that the truth?

~ Blessings, Bronte

THE BEAUTY OF OBEDIENCE

2012-01-12T07:01:00.001-08:00

Today, I killed a man and tranquilized a tiger. Please don't call 911. I only did it on paper. I am excited to say that I have 1000 words on my WIP (work in progress for those who don't know the lingo).

The first day of a new resolution is easy. You are excited. You are determined. The second day - not so much. To be completely honest, I didn't feel like putting in my hour of writing today. It's rainy and dreary outside. I was tired. My eyes popped open about 6:20 a.m. and I laid there thinking up excuses to sleep in a little longer. I could get started later. I could write later in the day. But I recognized them for what they were - excuses.

So I hauled myself out of bed, stuck my glasses on my face and padded down to the other end of the house to put in my 30 minutes of exercise. Then I ran kids to school. When I got home and sat down in front of my computer, my brain felt like it was wrapped in cotton wool and I longed to crawl back into my warm bed and have a little nap. (sleeping is one of my favorite pastimes after all)

But I knew if I did that, if I gave up today, I would be defeated. I would, in a word, be disobedient. So I poured my cup of coffee and spent 15 minutes warming up my creative muscles with some free writing by hand. I know it is terribly old fashioned of me, but I do still like to write by hand. There is something about the feel of the pen moving across paper that inspires the creative in me. But I digress.

Then I opened up a word document and started to write. I finished one page and felt the urge to stop but I pushed on. My time limit was not up. I ended up with 1000 words of what is now my WIP - a zoo-based mystery that has been rolling around in my head for over a year now.

And it felt really good. You know how you feel when you get out of a car after a long trip and you stretch? That was the feeling I got from yesterday and today's writing sessions.

I have felt, for the past couple years, smothered by circumstances. They just seemed to tumble on top of me one after another, until I felt suffocated. However, an interesting thing has happened when I have obeyed God and started elbowing a space for my writing out my day - I can breathe. I feel alive. I feel joyful. I feel fearless. I certainly feel intentional.

That feeling stayed with me all day yesterday. There was a rather nasty surprise in my mailbox that I wasn't expecting in the afternoon. It seemed rather dire at the moment, but I read it and then took a nap. I knew God would handle it. He promised to. My only job was to obey and then leave rest up to God. I still felt alive, joyful and fearless. The beauty of obedience is the blessing it brings into our lives in the most unexpected ways.

As I finished my Bible study this morning, the verses Priscilla Shirer had us read in Ephesians brought tears to my eyes. They were so full of life for the believer. I'm going to leave them here with you, so that you can enjoy them too.

"For this reason, I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, that He would grant you, according to His riches of His glory, to be strengthened by the power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breatdth and length and heighth and depth and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen. Ephesians 3:14-21

God is not stingy. He does not give us just enough. He gives lavishly and abundantly more than we can ask. We just have to obey and follow Him.

~ Blessings, Bronte

A NEW RESOLUTION AFTER ALL

2012-01-11T04:31:00.000-08:00

It was on the radio. It was in sermons. It was in my Bible study. Everywhere I turned, I felt God was trying to tell me something. Over the past year, I've felt very frustrated over the fact that I've been sooooooooooo busy with various jobs and responsibilities that my personal writing - the writing I feel called to - has been pushed to the side.

I'm not sure why this writing always gets the lowest priority, but maybe it's the urgent seeming more pressing than the truly important. I mean how many times have you elected to clean the bathroom rather than just hang out with your child? Yeah - me too.

Or maybe it's because I think of it is as something for me and that usually gets stuck on the back burner. Whatever the reason, I was whining about it and feeling just a tad sorry for myself. "I would do that but when do I have time? I feel so stressed, how can I possibly focus enough?"

It was while watching Priscilla Shirer that God really drove home to me that I was making excuses. I was listening to her and thinking - How awesome would it be to speak to thousands of women and impact their lives for God? How awesome would it be to write the Bible study I've been working on for over a year and share my passion for the treasures of God's Word to a bigger audience?

Over the past year, I've tried to make my calling, my dream small and manageable - something that doesn't require me to be uncomfortable in any way. I've told myself that it didn't matter if my audience was the 10-15 women in my Sunday school class - if they were the only ones I taught, that would be fine. Please don't get me wrong - those women are very important. Each one is precious to God and as the teacher, I have a responsibility to share truth with them, to pray for them and to love them. However, they became an excuse - "See, God? I am doing something for you. I'm teaching. I'm sharing your Word."

The thing is, without sacrifice and self-discipline, I can't realize my calling. Why in the world did I think my dreams would come to fruition with no sacrifice, no discomfort on my part? Why did I think that things would just neatly fall into place - as if my husband and I would somehow become independently wealthy and I could stay home and write at my leisure? How many people actually have that luxury - to not have to work at all? Not many these days and certainly not me!

I was frustrated and, to be honest, just a little bit annoyed, that God would call me to something that seemed impossible to achieve. It seemed just a tiny bit unkind. I wrestled with it in my mind because I KNOW God is good so what gives?

The truth is God was still calling me, but I was going to have to sacrifice and experience some discomfort to follow through on that calling.

God has used a couple of verses these past few weeks when He's been trying to get my attention.

"The first one is, "Therefore,to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin." James 4:17

In other words, I know what God wants me to do and I'm making excuses not to do it - that's disobedience, plain and simple. Ouch!

The second verse is "Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatsoever a man sows, this he will also reap." Gal. 6:7

So far, I've reaped exactly what I've sowed in this writing business - nothing. Why? Because I have not put the time in to hone my craft, to practice, to actually write. To be a writer you have to... wait for it... WRITE.

You may be thinking, "So write all ready!" The thing is, I have two regular part time jobs, and I also have two variable part time jobs. I work most of the day and do my housekeeping things like cleaning, laundry, etc. Then most weekday evenings, I work at Sylvan. Weekends I spend time with my family because I don't get to do much of that during the week. One of my jobs IS writing - for the newspaper. While I enjoy that, it is not the same as my calling.

What God has impressed on me is that in order to do this, to follow what He's asked of me, I'm going to have to get up early. Now some of you may wonder what in the world is the big deal about that? Well, first of all, to say I am NOT a morning person is a gross understatement. Not only do I HATE getting up early, but I also HATE going to bed early which is really a necessity for me since I also happen to need a good eight hours of sleep to function.

I'm also very slow moving in the morning. I workout and have my quiet time in the morning, so by the time I add in all that, I have to get up quite early - for me anyway.

However, I have made a commitment to God to get up at least a half hour to an hour earlier each morning and use that time to write. I know God will bless my obedience because He promises to do so.

I can't explain all the circumstances in our lives in the past 18 months. It's been a bit of a wild ride. I don't know what God is doing and where He is taking us, but I DO know what He has called me to. That hasn't changed, so I can start there. But that's the thing. I have to actually START. I can't just sit around and wait for hours of uninterrupted writing time to fall into my lap. I can't wait until we have a brand new computer because that would make things easier. I have to get up and put the time in.

My intention was to do this, starting on Monday. Monday my alarm did not go off. Yesterday was more of the same. Today, I staggered out of bed at 6:30 a.m. (I know that isn't early to some of you early birds but it is to me). My goal is to gradually move that time back until 5:30 a.m. (I shudder even writing that).

I want to be faithful in following what God has for me. I want to be fearless and joyful while doing it. I want to be intentional.

What is God calling you to do that you've been making excuses about? If you know to do it and don't, it's sin no matter how you try to whitewash it. Just so you know, that stepped on my toes, too.

~ Blessings, Bronte

RESTORATION

2012-01-08T17:02:00.000-08:00

I've started this blog post several times and wasn't exactly sure how to word it. I believe in being real and not shoving things under the rug; however, I think discretion is important too. So, I guess I'll leave it at if you know me in real life, you are aware of what I am talking about. If you don't know me in real life, you can just pray for healing and restoration for some folks who are in dire need of it.

It seems to be the in vogue thing lately in Christian circles to "not judge." The verse that states "judge not lest you be judged" has been twisted to mean, apparently, that believers can't call a sin a sin because - gasp- I could be judging someone. It's been made out to mean that since we all sin, nobody can point out sin or the fact someone is quickly traveling the road that way to anyone else.

However, the Bible is pretty plain on this topic -we are to recognize sin and call it what it is - not an issue or a problem or just ignore it all together. I've been reading the books of Paul and I am struck by the fact that we really should care more about each other than we do.

There is this fear of trespassing on someone else's business that keeps us silent when we should speak up. I'm not talking about people running around being busybodies and sticking their noses into what is truly not their business. But if we see a brother or sister that is starting down that path that we KNOW if wrong, if we truly love them in the Lord, shouldn't we say something?

I have read from II Corinthians through II Thessalonians in the past month, and in every book, it is abundantly clear that Paul cares deeply for the believers at these various churches. He cares about their welfare and he cares about their spiritual growth. He writes with a lot of tenderness, but he also is not afraid to speak a little truth into these believers' lives either.

Paul also cares how the believers are getting along with each other. Over and over again, he speaks of unity among th believers and gives specific ways to achieve that. Specifically in Colossians 3:12-16 tells believers to put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; to bear with each other. In verse 16 i says to "with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another..."

This leads me to the fact of people, particularly people we respect, that fall into agregious sin. It really isn't helpful to say, well, no sin is worse than another. While any sin will keep you from heaven and any sin seperates you from God, that doesn't mean that all sins have the same level of consequences. I'm sure David sinned on numerous occasions before the whole debacle with Bathsheba. However, God did not send a prophet to him to point out his sin and lack of repentence until that time.

Certain sins have greater and farther reaching consequences. It's just a fact of life. The more influence you have, the farther those consequences ripple out, too.

However, calling out sin and admonishing a brother or sister in Christ is not about just pointing out sin. The whole point is restoration and reconciliation.

If I saw you had run your car into the ditch, I wouldn't come up and start lecturing you on your driving and how I was a much better driver than you were. Neither would I drive by because I feared that you would feel I was judging your driving if I stopped to help. No - I would pull over and do the dirty work of helping you up and out of the ditch. There would be repair work to be done to set you and your car back on the road, but that would be the goal.

Paul also warns the person trying to help a fellow believer to have a look in his or her own heart. "Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted." Galatians 6:1

But this doesn't mean that we are to shirk our responsibility in caring for each other because in the very next verse it says, "Bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ."

Clearly, we have a responsibility to care enough to encourage, admonish,exhort and even keep each other accountable each other along this journey.

Of course, then we have to be willing to restore someone to fellowship. Scripture says that God removes our sins as far as the east is from the west. That means I can't continually cast up someone's sins after they have repented. God forgave them and wiped the slate clean. Who am I to do any less?

The person who falls spectacularly will probably beat themselves up enough for everyone, but again, Paul's letters to New Testament believers state that Godly sorrow brings repentance, and repentence brings restoration. On the other hand, worldly sorrow just results in death - maybe not in the body but in the spirit and emotions. I'm sure you've seen that played out more than once.

My point in all of this is that maybe some of the spectacular falls from grace we've seen of prominent Christians would not have happened if those close to that person had cared enough to take the risk of speaking into that person's life. If I am headed on a one way path to disaster, I certainly hope someone cares enough about me to step into my path. Even I wasn't very happy about it at the time, I'm sure I would thank you later!

~ Blessings, Bronte

GOOD-BYE 2011

2011-12-31T11:33:00.000-08:00

I wish I could say I'll miss you, but honestly I'm rather glad to see you go. It's been a long, difficult year for me and my family, but through it all I've learned several things.

The first is that God is always faithful. He always shows up on time (His, not mine!) and He is so patient and merciful to me it blows me away.

The second thing I have learned is a renewed appreciation for my husband. I mean, I always have loved him and all, but this year, I realized I took a lot of things for granted about his character. To say we are opposites is a bit of an understatement, but one thing I am very glad we are opposites on is how we react to things. I call him my Xanax with legs because he has the capability to calm me down when I have worked myself into an emotional overreaction. I see the end of the world as we know it and he sees a bump in the road. I want to do something RIGHT NOW!!! He wants to wait and weigh all the options. It's a great thing to know that I can count on him to do the right thing - even if it is the hard thing.

The third thing I have realized this year is what true blessings both my boys are to me. I guess working evenings made me realize what a privilege it is to be their mom and to take care of them. I've watched them pitch in to help due to my longer work hours without complaint (at least most of the time!). They love the Lord and each other - those are things I don't take lightly. They are blessings.

This year, after almost six years, I have my brother back. That in itself is a small miracle that I thank God for pretty regularly. It's neat to see him renewing his relationship with his nephews and it's nice to have him around. I missed him!

This year, I learned not to take good health for granted either. Not only did I go through about five months of colds and flus that knocked me off my feet, but my husband found out he had a genetic heart condition. Fortunately, it's manageable, but it made me very aware that nobody knows what tomorrow will bring.

My various jobs taught me a lot too. I learned the art of listening to constructive criticism and attending to details. I learned a lot about humility too as I messed up several times. I learned to learn from a mistake and then let it go, instead of obsessing over it and beating myself up - neither of which helps at all.

I also learned a lot about spiritual warfare. I learned to pick up my shield of faith and wield my sword of His Word. I'm still in training, but I am miles ahead of where I was a year ago!

Finally, I learned to trust God because even if I have no idea what is going on, He does! He's got the path already laid out and He promises to light the path for the next step (not the entire pathway). I can trust Him not to lead me off a cliff! :)

So, what am I thinking about next year? I have always been a person who did New Year's resolutions, but in the past couple of years, I've prayed about having a phrase (although I still make about a jillion resolutions in all categories!). This year, I'm not doing the enormous list of resolutions in all the categories that make up my life. Instead, I feel God has given me a phrase that covers things succinctly and that is "to be intentional." This covers all areas of my life from my relationships to my job to my health - just be intentional. Instead of letting circumstances and feelings swirl me around in the stream of life, I'm going to be intentional about what I do and don't do.

So how about you? How do you see 2012? I don't know what God will do in my life, but I know it will be an adventure!
~ Blessings, Bronte

VOICELESS DOESN'T MEAN I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY!

2011-12-19T20:55:00.000-08:00

Tis the season to give - germs, that is! I have my first official cold of the season. I am hoping and praying that this year will not be like last year as far as illnesses go. I feel like I had my quota, thank you very much!

While I was at work tonight, my throat felt a bit scratchy. By about 9 p.m., Brody asked me if I had lost my voice. I suppose the hoarse whisper I was using was his first clue. lol

Fortunately - or unfortunately depending on how you look at it - I can still type. I know you are all so relieved! lol

But I couldn't go to bed tonight without sharing about my oldest son Brock. A few weeks ago, he showed my husband his tract he had written to pass out to the kids on the opposing basketball teams. I read it and could hardly get through the whole thing without choking up. I'll be honest - it wasn't the best thing I've ever read. It was a huge block of text, making it somewhat difficult to read (of course, I'm old so all the dense text is more of an issue for me than some junior high boy) and it was a little, shall we say, fire and brimstone flavored. But it was so sincere and from the heart. He wanted to work on it but hasn't had time so I suggested checking out the church's stash of tracts to see if there were any he liked at all.

Tonight he passed out five of them to the other players. I was really impressed because I remember junior high when just breathing was embarrassing, and I certainly didn't want to do anything to stick out or seem different. Brock is not super gregarious either. He's quiet and sort of shy with people he doesn't know. But it was important to him to share his faith, so he did what wasn't easy.

I'd like to say this was all my doing - that this must mean I am some kind of supermom or spiritual giant. But I'm not. It has nothing to do with me at all really, but it has a lot to do with the Holy Spirit's work in Brock's life. He's always had a heart for lost people, and has led several kids in our neighborhood to the Lord. It's actually sort of convicting to me because I don't share my faith nearly as much as I should. Too many times, I am afraid of offending someone or turning them off or something.

I remember asking Brock a few years ago if he was ever nervous. He said he was always nervous and afraid, but then he said, "Mom, I don't really want to do it because I'm afraid, but God says to do it so I do." I suppose that's why Jesus talked about a child-like faith.

~ Blessings, Bronte

PRAYING FOR YOUR ENEMIES??

2011-12-16T07:10:00.001-08:00

I have a confession to make - I really should be cleaning. BUT, God showed me something while I was in the shower of all places (something about the hot water and zoning out in there must be why so many of my epiphanies happen in the shower lol).

My epiphany was this - the devil wants to seek and destroy all of us. He wants to prevent the lost from being found. He wants to keep the found lost and wandering without purpose. He wants to attack and destroy every thing that Jesus said was important to us.

One of the things Jesus mentions over and over is that the world will know believers by our love and care for each other. What's one thing the church seems riddled with? You guessed it - devisiveness and ugliness to each other. What is one area where we seem to fail over and over? Yep - building meaningful and deep community with each other. This is so heartbreaking because we are supposed to be helping each other - comforting, encouraging, exhorting - all these things are supposed to be present within relationships between believers. How often does that happen?

I was just reading in II Corinthians about how God comforted Titus by sending other believers. That was His chosen means of bringing comfort to His servant.

How often the enemy you are supposed to be praying for is actually a brother or sister in Christ? I am afraid the answer is way too often. :(

It occured to me - again - that we are in a battle. So are our fellow believers. We are NOT each other's enemies. I have often wondered how to pray for your enemies. Being idealistic and having an overblown sense of fairness and justice, I have a hard time praying for people I think are doing the wrong thing. Somehow it feels almost like I'm saying what they did or are doing is okay. Over the past year and half, God has shown me that forgiveness doesn't mean that I am saying what someone did is okay. It just means I'm leaving the consequences up to Him.

But seeing it this way - as another believer being hurt and destroyed by the devil - well, that gives me a whole other level of compassion for those that hurt me and spitefully use me.

Let's be really honest - we sort of expect the world to attack us. It is can blindside us when the "enemy" ends up being someone who is supposed to be our brother or sister in Christ. The hurt goes so much deeper maybe because we instinctively know this isn't how God wants us to treat each other.

This epiphany moment gives me a lot more compassion for others who hurt me. I have the spiritual gift of mercy so if I can have compassion for someone, it really helps me to forgive and to pray for them. It makes me feel less like a victim and more like I have some say in the whole situation.

Seeing this spiritual warfare laid out in front of me, I feel like God has given me glasses when before I was terribly near-sighted.

So, when someone hurts you or does something that feels deeply unfair or unjust - when you can't understand how a believer could act that way to another believer remember that our battle is not with flesh and blood. Our enemy is much trickier and more powerful than that and one of his goals is to turn us against each other. After all, a house divided against itself can't stand!

Okay, back to cleaning for me!
~ Blessings, Bronte

I WON AN AWARD

2011-12-09T18:36:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately, it didn't come with money but hey, I'll take what I can get.

http://ambernpayne.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/liebster-award.png

Apparently this is an award given out to small blogs with less than 200 followers. I am so out of the loop, that I had no idea this even existed, but I'm still very honored that my friend Amber Payne nominated me in HER blog A New Chapter to Write.

I have to do five things:
1.Bring to light the person who nominates you by thanking them for all to see.
2.Post on your site the wonderful Liebster Award stamp.
3.Find 5 of your blogging friends to nominate who have less than 200 followers but deserve to be recognized with praise!
4.List them below these instructions so others will find their blogs and read them. Don’t forget to let them know they have been nominated!

So, now I need to nominate five other blogs. I still don't know how to make the link so you can just click on the name and it takes you there - sorry! But I will include their blog addresses so you can find them! :)

So here are my five nominees in no particular order! All of them frequent a mom's board I belong to so I actually know them mostly by first names or their handles! :)

1. Erin has a gift with words. Her blog Together Forever often makes me laugh so hard I snort. You just can't get better than that. You can find her blog at http://togetherforgood.wordpress.com/

2. Lisa and her family moved to Panama this year and it has been really enjoyable watching that transition in her blog Panamom. I've always wanted to live abroad so I'm living vicariously through her! :) You can follow her adventures at http://panamom.blogspot.com/

3. Courtney's blog Splashing Grace just makes me smile. I like reading about her family and life. She is always so encouraging to me! You can find her blog at http://splashinggrace.blogspot.com/

4. Charity or Yakky which is what I know her by on the mom's board has a writing gift which really comes through in her blog Bound to His Heart. Her words are sometimes funny and sometimes full of wisdom and gentle exhortation.

5. Erica's blog Unfinished Ramble lets me into a world I don't know much about - raising a child with Down's Syndrom. I love Erica's realness and her optimism. It's a blessing when I read her posts, the most recent about the Buddy Walk with the family wearing their camo wear! You can catch her latest posts at http://unfinishedramble.wordpress.com/

I hope these blogs will give you some new reading and that these women and their words will lift you up, encourage you and make you think like they do for me!

Oh and thanks again Amber! I do this blog for myself mostly, but it's nice to know that your words encourage someone, too. :)
~ Blessings, Bronte

ATHLETIC SHEPHERDS

2011-12-09T05:18:00.001-08:00

I wish my computer wasn't a dinosaur so I could share pictures on here, but since it is, you will just have to imagine it all with me. Go ahead - close your eyes and picture this: My son, Brody who is skinny and all arms and legs. He has small, oval shaped glasses and his head is basically bald (he likes to get the number 2 or 3 when he gets it buzzed - I won't let him get the #1 because he sort of resembles a cancer patient which freaks me out).

He is dressed as a shepherd, but not like any shepherd I've seen pictures of - his robe is a lovely sour apple green. His head covering is striped with that and a swirl of other psychedlic pastels. He told me, somewhat bitterly, that if he took of his head scarf thingy he would look like a 90 year old woman getting ready for bed. Sadly, I had to agree with him! lol

Last night was the Christmas program at school. I love elementary Christmas programs. There is always - and I mean always - something funny that happens. You just can't get that many 4 and 5 year olds in one place without at least one of them picking her nose or pulling her dress over her head. It's always hysterical (at least for me now that my kids are out of that stage). This time, one little guy in a velvet (VELVET!!) suit fell over backwards into the girl behind him. If looks could kill, that poor little chap would no longer be with us. That little girl - who bore such a striking resemblance to Cindy Lou Who from the Grinch Stole Christmas that my brother even remarked on it! - scowled the entire time and twitched constantly. I think her dress was itchy or something.

Then there are the older kids who are, no matter how "cool", are very earnest in their attempts to remember lines and do a good job. Some of the kids seem to want to fade into the background while others don't want to give up the stage lights. There was one part where some of the kids were dressed in choir robes and stood behind the main character swaying. I could hardly keep from laughing out loud because one boy in the back had, apparently, missed the trait of rhythm when it was handed out - he would dip his shoulder and awkwardly wrench it back upright and then lurch to the other side to do it gain. Then they added hand motions and I was a little afraid his head would explode or he'd run from the stage screaming.

Another little choir robed child didn't have this issue at all. In fact, her shimmy and shake up there made me wonder if perhaps she had forgotten she was supposed to be in a choir and thought she was at a Vegas show. I will say this - she had a lot of rhythm and bounce! lol

My son is a 5th grader now so that means he and his classmates were the oldest ones up there. He took it quite seriously. I found it rather ironic that the child who spends two thirds of his time making movies of himself where he uses various voices, contorts his face like Jim Carey, and basically abandons any scrap of self-consciousness, asked for a part with no lines - insisted on it really.

However, he and his cousin and best friend (we are considing combining their names and calling them either Brody and Jonathan Bowack or Ackman) came up with their own special part in the play. They were cast as two shepherds (and got to carry some very large, very cool looking staffs). Their unique twist was to run up and down the aisles telling everyone the good news. Then they'd meet in the front, give high fives or chest bumps and run again. The would link arms and do a circle, shaking their hands in the air. They were very busy and very fast. I think they ran up and down the aisles at least half a dozen times and their chest bumps and high fives got quite a few chuckles from the audience. I was just glad they had put their giant staffs down. Someone could have poked an eye out.

Kids' Christmas programs are so much fun for me because the kids, for the most part, enjoy it so much. They love sharing the story of Jesus and the manger. They, in all their messy, unorganized, unpolished fervor, gave me the joy of Christmas. Because, to be perfectly honest, I haven't been feelin' it this season.

Sure, the tree is up and there is a growing stash of presents in my closet, but circumstances have not made me very excited about the season. Trying to figure out presents and affording them for everyone, heavy decisions weighing on my mind and my husband's, and even the fact that since I got my tooth pulled my sinuses have gone haywire have all conspired to sort of leave me feeling a bit flat this season. I haven't even put on any Christmas music yet and it is December 9th!

But last night, as I watched the abandoned exuberance and contagious excitement of young kids sharing the Christmas story - not perfectly but enthusiastically - I felt the joy of the season creep into my heart. It's not about presents or unfavorable circumstances. It's about running up and down the aisles shouting that JESUS HAS COME!!! JESUS, the God of heaven and Creator of the universe, came as a tiny baby to save the world.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go blast some "Hallelujah Chorus."

Blessings, Bronte

TAKING THINGS FOR GRANTED

2011-12-04T17:09:00.000-08:00

If you know me at all, you know I am not very, um, "naturally domestic." I think my exact words to my dear husband when we started discussing marriage way back when were, "I don't know how to cook, clean, or do laundry, and I don't really have a big desire to learn." I was quite the catch! lol

As my kids came along, I realized I had to get a handle on the domestic front, otherwise our lives would chaos all the time. I am not an organized, structured person by nature so it all felt quite alien. I often said I felt like I had to be someone else to live my life.

As I've gotten older and my role as mom, wife and homemaker has changed and evolved, I've found myself more enamored with at least the idea of homemaking. Still, from about 3 p.m. when I picked the kids up from school to their next practice or game when I had to somehow go through papers, make sure homework got done and got everyone fed felt somewhat like a race against the clock. I didn't really enjoy rushing around like a crazy person many days.

God has an interesting way of letting us know when we take things for granted though and giving us a new appreciation for things that we may even have complained about before. Now, most evening I am working at Sylvan as a tutor. The work itself isn't too bad - the kids are cute and the people I work with are extremely kind and fun, too. However, because I am gone from approximately 3:30 to 8 p.m. my afternoon looks totally different than it did just a year ago.

While I am very thankful for the job and the income it provides, to be honest, I miss the crazy rush after school. I don't really feel like I am in the loop anymore - papers, permission slips, school updates all sort of pass me by. I miss being the hub of information central.

I miss taking care of my family. I miss cooking dinner. I miss watching games and driving boys to practices and chatting with other moms.

All those times I grumbled that I had to go to another game, I could kick myself now. Because of my work schedule, I will miss almost all of my oldest son's basketball games this year, and basketball is my favorite of the three sports he plays. After all, it is the only one that is inside so I am not either freezing or boiling in the sun! lol

If I am fortunate enough to be able to not work in the evenings, I will no longer grumble about the after school rush. Instead, I will bask in the blessing of taking care of my family and being immersed in the rush of life.

~ Blessings, Bronte

GOD ALWAYS HAS IMPECCABLE TIMING

2011-11-29T18:51:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow, I get my tooth pulled. To be honest, I'm a bit nervous as I am a wimp about stuff like this. In fact, I finished up a crazy night at work (tutoring kids under the age of 7 years old is a real experience - I give kudos to all elementary school teachers!!!), and I felt my stomach do that swoopy, drop to my toes thing when I thought about tomorrow's procedure.

My dear mom is taking me - I hope I don't act like a moron when I am loopy from the drugs they give you. It's always funny when it is someone else - not so much when it is you. lol

So, I got home at about 8:15 p.m. and did the whole make lunches, get everyone ready for tomorrow routine. I sat down to put the final spit polish on my article (have to get it in early since I will unavailable tomorrow which is my usual deadline) and here comes Brody with something purple in his hands.

"Here, Mom," he says cheerfully, "your shirt came in." The school had a fundraiser and it had different sayings and then a verse on the back.

Wanna know what mine said? On the front it said FEARLESS. On the back, it said, Be strong and of courage; be not afraid for I the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

Isn't that great? God has such a wonderful, timely sense of humor! I have to wear short sleeves tomorrow so I'm definitely wearing it! lol

Wish me luck!
Blessings, Bronte

SPEAKING THE TRUTH IN LOVE

2011-11-19T08:47:00.000-08:00

I really can't stand fakeness. Please don't pretend you like me and then walk away and tell someone I'm a jerk. I'd rather you just tell me to my face - really. As a former passive-aggressive person, I can spot that attribute a mile away and it drives me absolutely bonkers. Maybe it's like the person who used to smoke but now the smell of smoke bothers them more than the people who never lit a cigerette.

On the other hand though, I don't like it when people use "truth" as an excuse to be mean and ugly to people either. "Well, I'm just telling you the truth," they will say as they stick the knife in and give it a sadistic little twist.

It seems that we either have truth without love or love with much truth. I'm not sure that is the biblical way of things. Granted, truth sometimes is hard to hear and it stings. Love is not always warm and fuzzy - sometimes, it is tough.

I was reading through I Corinthians and I ran across the thirteenth chapter about love. It's read at a lot of weddings, but really, it is a message to all believers, not just the newly wedded. I've also been reading in Ephesians which talks about how to deal with each other, too.

"Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bone of peace...but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, cause the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love." Ephesians 1-3; 15,16

Obviously, this is not an innate skill because Paul had to explain this to the believers in Ephesians. We are one body and we need to dwell together in unity and peace. The only way to do that is with humility (not thinking too highly of ourselves), by being gentle with each other and by showing patience with each other's weaknesses and foibles. You'll notice I emphasized how all this happens - in love.

But what is love? The definition of it we get from popular culture is actually quite selfish - it's all about what you can do for me. According to the Bible, that really isn't what love is all about. It's certainly not what was modeled by Christ - He gave Himself for us without anything in it for Him, really.

In I Corinthians 13, it states more of what love isn't than what it is.

Love IS:
Kind
patient
rejoices with the truth
bears all things
believes all things
hopes all things
endures all things

Love is NOT:
jealous
bragging
arrogant
act unbecomingly
seek its own
provoked
take into account wrongs suffered

Love like this never fails. So, the love I speak with the truth needs to line up with this passage. I guess that means I will be keeping my mouth shut a lot more!

"If I speak with tongues of men and angels, but do not have long, I have beome a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have the gift of prophecy and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned but do not have love, ti profits me nothing." I Cor. 13:1-3

Blessings, Bronte

BE THANKFUL IN ALL THINGS

2011-11-18T16:54:00.000-08:00

I suppose it was inevitable that once I taught on the topic of thankfulness, God would allow some testing to see if I had really absorbed the lesson I shared with others.

Today, I got in a car accident. This is my second accident in eight months. Honestly - I've driven for 22 years and have been in 4 accidents in that entire time. It's just two of them happen to be this year. It was my fault - I rearended someone while talkng on my cell phone. I shouldn't have answered it. Talking and driving are just not a good combo.

So, as I sat sobbing on the side of the road, I can say I felt pretty discouraged, particularly since the day started out so well. I got a call from the head editor who asked me to do another weekly feature. He also asked me to do the front page for Christmas Day! I couldn't believe it - I was so excited I think I actually squealed when I got off the phone. Then I went to interview some people for a different article. It is going to be on a chapel in a senior citizen home. The ladies I talked to were so sweet - I enjoyed meeting them so much.

It just seemed like such a huge drop from the top of the mountain to the puddle in the valley. My first thought was, "I give up!" But an interesting thing happened while we waited and waited and then waited some more for the police officer to show up (I think it was about 90 minutes total). I began to calm down and God poked me about being thankful for my blessings.

I would be lying if I didn't admit that at first I irritably wanted to know "WHAT blessings exactly? The large ticket or perhaps my increased insurance premiums?"

But the truth was, I was sitting there without a scratch. The other driver wasn't hurt either. My car was also not in bad shape either - just a broken headlight. The other driver had some damage to their bumper.

In addition, the other driver was so nice to me about the whole thing. She apologized for having to call the police to the scene of the accident. The police officer, once he arrived, was very kind, too. Before he left he told me not to feel too badly because as he put it, "They are called accidents for a reason - they aren't on purposes."

Finally, my dear husband came to the scene. He was so kind and never laid any guilt on me at all. And really, after the year I've had and the money I've cost us with my accidents, even if they weren't "on purposes", it wouldn't have been too out there for him to be upset with me, even temporarily. Instead, he rubbed my back and talked to the police officer when he arrived. He made sure I wasn't too shakey to drive home. In other words, he took good care of me. :)

It could have been so much worse. God protected me and He showed me that I had a choice. I could grumble and beat myself up and descend into discouragement or I could take my thoughts captive and choose to be thankful instead. I'm glad I chose to be thankful - it made things that much easier. Which brings me to another truth - God never asks us to do things that aren't for our own good. He's just cool like that!

~ Blessings, Bronte

THERE'S GOOD NEWS AND THERE'S BAD NEWS

2011-11-09T14:13:00.000-08:00

I find it sort of ironic that yesterday I gave a devotional at my mom's Bible study group about thankfulness. Yes, I waxed almost poetic how thankfulness is a choice, a perspective, and something that is good for us.

God has a funny way of putting things I teach about to the test in my own life. Over the past couple months I've been interviewing for a job to be a insurance salesperson. I've felt a lot of angst over it, to be honest. The idea of working in an office from 9 to 5 every day sort of gave me the heebie-jeebies. I'm not much of an office person and neither am I much of a structured person. The idea of doing basically the same exact thing every day would wake me in the middle of the night in a panic. At the same time, we do need me to bring in more income - at least more than I am doing at the moment. Things are, well, let's just say interesting, at the moment around our house. There were many pros about getting this job.

However, the bottom line was I felt like I was selling out my calling for money. I prayed very earnestly though that if this is what God wanted for me, then I would do it to the best of my ability and with joy in my heart. After all, just because God puts you in a place that isn't what you imagined, it doesn't mean He doesn't have things for you to do for Him there either.

So, to say I was conflicted about this possible job opportunity would be an understatement. Turns out, I didn't need to decide. I got a letter today stating that I just wasn't what they were looking for. Ouch!

It doesn't matter that I wasn't sure the job was for me - it was still rejection. That's never very much fun, but at the same time, would I put into practice what I had been preaching just yesterday?

I decided yes I would. The truth is I had been praying that God would make it VERY clear to me if this was not the job for me. I had felt that but I felt like I had to see it through to the end because of our financial situation. The boss telling you he isn't hiring you would be very clear direction right?

The other thing I am thankful for is the graciousness of the person I interviewed with - instead of leaving me hanging to wonder, he graciously sent me a letter and even offered to explain why he didn't hire me. (although I am pretty sure I know how I messed up the interview - note to self, do NOT ramble incoherently about your dog when asked about teamwork).

The final thing I am thankful for is now I have possiblities in front of me for job opportunities that would probably be a much better fit, that would work better for our family and that I'd enjoy more. Who knows what's around that bend in the road?

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord; plans to prosper you, not to harm you and give you a future." Jer. 29:11

I can't wait to see what He has in store!
~ Blessings, Bronte

DEATH AND DYING

2011-11-02T10:21:00.000-07:00

If you thought this would be a deep blog post, you might want to stop reading now. My youngest son, Brody, has a goldfish. He (or she as I have no idea how to tell the gender of a goldfish)has been with us for over five years. Yes, you read that right - FIVE YEARS!!!

As a household that appears to be the Bates Motel for cats, we were all pleasantly surprised when Finner (my son named him - I thought it was quite creative for a 5 year old) was still swimming around in his tank when we got up every morning.

Well, today, I sat down to work on articles, got up to grab a snack (need carbs to think clearly and creatively) and realized that Finner was looking a bit odd. On closer inspection, Finner appeared to be floating on his side. Then he'd wiggle and struggle and swim to the bottom of the tank, only to bob to the surface and slowly roll to his side again. This is when I knew that Finner's days - probably hours at this point - were numbered.

While I feel badly that poor Finner seems to be fighting so hard to live (as I type, he is still doing his wiggle, swim to the bottom, bob to the top, roll to the side thing), I have to be completely honest and say that his passing won't leave a very large hole in my life. In fact, if you promise not to tell my son, I'll share that I'm sort of looking forward to not having to clean that tank anymore!

Of course, his death - presumably today sometime - leaves me with a parenting dilemma. If he dies before Brody comes home do I flush him (will he clog the toilet as he is rather large-ish for a goldfish)? Do I leave him floating for my 10 year old to find? Do I pull a switcheroo and get another, identical fish and hope nobody notices? Do I buy a new one that is obviously different and let Brody find out that way? Do I leave it all up to Brody?

In the grand scheme of things, this is not a huge issue, but I have this haunting feeling that some day about 20 years down the road, my dear son will be sitting in some therapists office lamenting the shock and trauma he suffered because his mom did X with his goldfish.

I still remember my mom telling me that when you flush a fish it comes up in your neigbor's toilet. I think I was in high school before I stopped peering nervously into the bowl every time I went into the restroom.

In this small thing, God showed me a bigger truth. The little things we do as parents matter. No, my son probably won't have lifelong scars if I choose the wrong choice of how to deal with Finner's demise (or if, heaven forbid, the fish clogs the toilet in at sea burial), but he will notice if I talk about other people when they aren't there. He'll notice if I actually read my Bible rather than just tell him to read his. He'll notice if I tell the occasional little white lie but scold him for doing the same. He'll notice if I am loving and gracious or if I am short tempered and harsh in dealing with those around me.

I'm guilty of getting hung up on the big decisions and not paying nearly enough attention to the daily, little things that show my kids what I truly believe. After all, daily decisions and actions are what living out our beliefs and principles is all about.

Hopefully, in the end, I come out flush!
~ Blessings, Bronte

LAST DAY OF MY FAVORITE MONTH

2011-10-31T18:32:00.000-07:00

My two favorite months of the year are October and May. Both, to me, are signals of change. October to me brings to mind beatiful trees, crisp days when I can wear my cozy sweaters and sweet, juicy apples. We love apples at my house - I think we go through one to two of those 5lb bags every week. Hey, it's better than sweets right?

November is my least favorite month - mostly because the weather is usually ugly. It's starts to get dark and the trees have lost their leaves. It is that time between the breathtaking wonder of changing leaves and the beauty when snow blankets the trees. I don't like March for the same reason - everything seems to be colorless and wet. Bleck!

Of course, today is also Halloween. I know there is a lot of angst in the Christian world about Halloween - do we celebrate or don't we? Is it bad or harmless fun? Maybe it's okay if we pass out tracts with the candy. So, a lot of places take the middle road and either do harvest parties or draw the lines at "evil" costumes like witches or devils. For me, Halloween is just a non-issue.

I have kids, and when they were little they dressed up in costumes and we visited grandparents and maybe about 10 houses in my inlaws' neighborhood. Nobody has had any interest in doing that for a good 4 to 5 years now.

Growing up, my parents took me trick or treating, but I didn't really like it. I was easily scared and prone to nightmares so going around to houses with cobwebs, eery lighting and adults who answered the door dressed as very realistic werewolves wasn't exactly something I liked. On top of that, we had those nylon costumes with the plastic masks. Those masks really weren't very comfortable and we lived in Michigan. Generally the weather was on the chilly side and those nylon costumes weren't much protection. I think I stopped by the time I was about 5 or 6.

The only issue I've ever had with Halloween is with the well-meaning folks who took it upon themselves to share with my kids that by dressing up as Bob the Builder and getting candy from a few houses they were worshipping satan. Honestly, my kids had no idea that Halloween was anything but costumes and candy until someone said something to the contrary. Personally, I don't know anyone to whom Halloween is anything but costumes and candy.

My only thought about Halloween is I do hope that we can all be considerate of each other, no matter what side of the Halloween debate we fall on. As for me, I'm going to revel in the last of the fall colors.

~ Blessings, Bronte

WHY DO I DOUBT GOD?

2011-10-29T16:58:00.000-07:00

It's been interesting around here with all the health issues that have come up recently. The big one for me has been my tooth. Honestly, most of the time, unless I am brushing them, I don't really think about my teeth. They are just there and come in very handy when I need to eat something.

In July, I started to think about them a lot more because a couple them started to make their presence known through pain. I was sort of kerflummoxed though because the pain moved around. Hmmmm. Then the pain would go away and I'd forget about it for a couple days. Finally, it came back with a vengence and didn't leave. So, off to the dentist I went. I thought maybe he'd tell me I had an abscessed tooth or something. But no - there was a huge crack in one of my molars going up into the root of the tooth. (just for your information - percacet will only make you feel high and your tooth will still hurt but it will be slightly funny)

Now, I'm not blaming my oldest son, but the truth is I cracked a couple of my molars when I was in labor with him. It's not his fault, of course, and I'm really not bitter. Really. But I have had the four of them worked on in some fashion or other over the past 13 years.

So, the dentist, after drilling in my mouth for over an hour (did I mention I had clenched every muscle in my body on the off chance it might hurt and was drenched in sweat by the time he was done?). He put in this temporary crown. It's a metal one and I kind of liked it. I felt very edgy with my metal tooth (I have to take coolness wherever I can find it).

However, the temporary crown didn't work. It still hurt. Oh and the dentist's bill lady informed me that she would only do 3 months of payments to pay off the approximately $465. She wasn't very happy when I told her I couldn't pay it off in 3 months. That was just the crown. The root canal I was pretty sure I needed at this point would cost another $900. I called around to oral surgeons and found I could have it pulled for about half that.

So, back to the dentist I went to get my referral - grumbling the whole way I might add about the added trip and the expense and, well, you get the idea.

In addition to my costly dental issues, my dear hubby had had some expensive tests for his heart issues, the largest of which had not yet rolled in. To say I was a bit concerned would be like saying Obama is a little bit liberal.

I was trying really hard not to fret about it but to trust God to provide. I received a very generous amount for catsitting from some friends who are out of the country, so I was very thankful because I saw that as God providing.

He wasn't done yet though. At the appointment at the dentist, the nice man told me he'd just waive the rest of the bill for my crown work since I was going to have the tooth pulled! That would be $400 waived. Add to that my normal monthly income from the newspaper was a couple hundred more because of the happy circumstance of October having five Saturdays and Mondays plus an extra article, and God came through BIG TIME!

This is not the first time God has come through for us financially. It isn't the first time, by any stretch, that He has provided what we needed. Yet, I still doubted. I still wondered how it would all work out. I tried not to - my head knew that He would come through but my heart fretted and freaked out a bit.

Thank goodness that God is patient and loving and kind. I remember reading about the Israelites and wondering how they could doubt God when He so clearly intervened for them so many times. Yeah - feeling a bit of egg on my face now. The truth is, I'm just as bad sometimes. I suppose that is why God always told the Israelites to build alters and memorials to remind them of His provision and intercession on their behalf.

"And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:19

My God provides over and above what I need or expect because that's just the way He rolls.
~ Blessings, Bronte

DUMB MISTAKES = HUMILITY

2011-10-18T17:26:00.001-07:00

I hate it when I make dumb mistakes! I recently made two dumb mistakes in an article I wrote - I wrote SOUTH America instead of CENTRAL America (although technically you could say central america is part of the continent of south america) and then I got a number wrong, too. The person the article was about wasn't very happy about it and I felt terrible that she weren't happy with the finished product.

To be honest, in the almost year since I've been writing for our local newspaper, I've only gotten positive feedback from the subjects of my articles and readers alike. So, for me to get very negative feedback, well, let's say it was sort of like a kick in the gut.

I'm sort of a perfectionist when it comes to my writing. My goal is to accurately portray the people I write about - to give them a true voice so readers can be helped and encouraged and maybe even want to get involved. The result of my dumb mistakes was that the past two days I've spent kicking myself - going over and over the "what ifs." What if I had stuck with my original wording (which, ironically, would have been correct)? What if I had done this, that or the other? On and on, around and around I have gone in my mind - regret tasting very sour.

At this point, though, there isn't much I can do about it. We could print a correction nobody would see or probably care about if they did see it. I have already apologized profusely. Nothing, however, changes the image this person has in their head of me, my writing and my incompetance. And that is hard to swallow.

The truth is, more than anything, my pride hurts. I can honestly say I tried my best with the article - I didn't make the mistakes on purpose. I can also say that in the grand scheme of things, they won't matter much in eternity. I can also say that the average person reading the article didn't notice them. Nobody was hurt in the publishing of that article - including the subject. But I want everyone to like me and my writing and I can't seem to let it go, can't seem to stop beating myself up about it.

It's embarrassing.

It's my pride kicking up a fuss.

Even if it isn't perfect by normal standards, God can still use it - despite me. And really, that's how He always uses anything I do - despite my own weaknesses and frailities that come from being human. Through my weaknesses, God is made strong. Personally, I win some and lose some, but God ALWAYS comes through.

So, I have to let it go and move on. I can learn from this and hopefully, not make the same mistakes next time. The truth is, it is a little article, in a little paper, in a little state, on a small part of the earth, on a small planet in a huge solar system. I'm really not important enough for all this angst. Seriously.

As Lamentations 3:22-23 says, "Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness."

Blessings, Bronte

IF YOU BORROW TROUBLE, YOU'LL ALWAYS PAY INTEREST

2011-10-17T08:44:00.000-07:00

I'm a fretter by nature. I think, if you have read my blog for any length of time, you have probably figured that out by now. lol Most of the time, I tend to be sort of laid back and go with the flow, but in certain areas, I can get very uptight. I think part of this is an over-active imagination and the other part is because I tend to overthink things. I mean REALLY overthink things.

I'm doing this Bible study by Beth Moore called The Psalms of Ascent. I'm really enjoying it because for one reason, it's Beth Moore. (I just love her!) The other reason is I love, love, love Psalms. I spent about two years reading through the Psalms and recording all the things they say about God. It completely changed my perspective of who God is and His character. So, I've been enjoying this Bible study.

Of course, it goes without saying that this Bible study had things I needed to hear and learn just when I needed to hear and learn them. God is always so good to me in that way. :)

Recently, I've been facing a lot of indecision and a lot of the unknown. I don't really mind new things or jumping into something different, but I can be a really horrible decision maker, particularly when I let fear get into the mix. Then I become sort of paralyzed with this deer in the headlights look - "Which way should I go?" So I fret and stew and go through all the "what if" scenerios in my head and basically make myself (and those around me) nuts. I've spent a lot of time borrowing trouble. The only problem with that is you always end up paying interest in peace and serenity.

The day I was really struggling with this feeling of "what should I do next," was the day we went over Psalm 131. It's short, so I'll include the whole thing here.

"O Lord, my heart is not proud, nor my eyes haughty; nor do I involve myself in great matters, or in things too difficult for me. Surely I have composed and quieted my soul; Like a weaned child rests against his mother, my soul is like a weaned child within me. O Israel, hope in the Lord from thi time forth and forever." Psalms 131

This picture of a toddler resting in its parent's arms is so sweet to me. My youngest is 10 years old, but he will still climb up in my lap and rest his head on my shoulder when he is really tired. I'm so thankful neither of my boys is too old yet to hug me (although not in public of course!).

That picture of complete trust is so sweet to me. The truth is God knows my heart. He knows my desire is to go where He wants me to go. He knows our needs (and even wants and desires) better than I know them myself, plus He knows the future. He promises to direct my paths,and I can trust that whichever path He directs me to, He will also give me the strength and perserverence to walk it.

Like a young child tired from being so busy, I can climb into my Abba's lap and rest in His love, His faithfulness and His mercy. I don't have to figure it all out - He's got it covered.

I'll leave you with the refrain from another Jamie Grace called God Girl that I really love.

I'm a God girl, that's who I be
from the top of my head to the soles of my feet
No I can't deny it, wouldn't even try
I'm your girl, in a crazy world
God girl that's who I be,
from the top of my head to the soles of my feet
I can't deny it, wouldn't even try
I'm yours
Oh I'm a loved girl and I'll always be
from the top of my head to the soles of my feet
I can't deny it, wouldn't even try
I'm Your girl for the whole wide world to see."

REST FOR THE WEARY

2011-10-10T18:53:00.000-07:00

I have found a new singer I really like. Her name is Jamie Grace and she looks like she is about 15 years old. Of course, the older I get the younger everyone else starts to look. I see college graduates and think, "Wow, how did you get out when you are only 12?" lol

God is always so gracious to me. He seems to bring books or speakers or songs into my life just when I need them. To be perfectly frank, I'm tired. I'm weary. It's been a tough 18 months in my life. It started out a year ago this past April I had a betrayal. Well, it wasn't me so much as a loved one. Why is it that fellow believers, the ones that are supposed to have our back, seem to the one to stick the knife IN your back? And why is it that it hurts so much worse? Maybe because, since we are one body, it's just unnatural to stab yourself, so to speak. I really struggled with anger and forgiveness over that one. God and I wrestled it out for months.

Just about the time, I was really able to forgive, I started to get sick. Three colds, influenza, the stomach flu, strep throat, pink eye and a double ear infection later, we were now into spring.

I had two car accidents. My brother who I hadn't seen in a long time, came home. While this was a good thing, reunions after that long are always a bit stressful.

We had to replace more things than I think have ever happened in our married life. It started with our washing machine and progressed to my car's brakes, alternator, starter and tires. Add to that our coffee pot, telephone/answering machine, and a sewer pipe that needed cleaning and it was rather expensive.

Of course, the list just wouldn't be complete without several medical issues. My last post I shared about my husband's heart issues. To find that out included a lot of expensive tests. About the same time, my tooth started to hurt. I mean REALLY hurt, and I found out I had a cracked tooth that still might require a root canal. And let's not forget the precancerous spot that needed to be removed from my lip. Fun times.

The final straw was that I got kicked off my husband's insurance. Fortunately, I was allowed to stay on the policy but now have to pay the full premium.

The past few weeks have been a time of indecision. Do I get a full time job? Will I be able to take care of my family and work a full time job? Should I start my own business? Would I be able to make enough with my own business? What happened to being called to write? It felt like circumstances were conspiring against me. Add to this my husbands desire to eat healthy - which for him means an endless supply of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

After buying my 3rd loaf of bread in 5 days, I'm really wanting that whole miracle of the feeding of the 5000. I could use a basket of bread about now! lol

So, to say I am feeling tired the past week or so is an understatement. It just sort of all caught up with me and I would really like to take about a 3 day nap.

Enter Jamie Grace and her song "Come to Me." It just couldn't have come at a better time! I'll leave you with the words of her song.

Come To Me
I had a dream I was standing on the shore
Two feet planted in the sand
Soakin' up Your glory
Saw You walking from a distance
Without a hint of resistence
had your arms open
And a warmth in your eyes
You took my hand and whispered
Come to me when you're weary and
I'll give you hope when you're hurting
rest from your burden now
I woke up to the weight of the world
Right back into reality
And all that's wrong
Cuz in the midest of this chaotic life
I try to find peace of mind
But you've been there all along
And even now I hear you whisper
Come to me when you're weary
and I'll give you hope when you're hurting
I'll give you rest from your burden
I feel the weight is slowly liftin'
As you close the distance
And I know it's gonna be okay when you say
Come to me when you're weary and
I'll give you hope when you're hurting
oh, I'm gonna carry your burden
Come to me when you're weary and
I'll give you hope when you're hurting
I'll give you rest from your burden now
The weight is lifted now

Blessings, Bronte

JUST NOT IN THE MOOD

2011-09-26T09:37:00.001-07:00

Before anyone gets scared by that title, let me reassure you that I'm talking about blogging. :) Lately, every time I think about blogging, my thoughts seem too big for the keyboard. I have been hugging my experiences, thoughts and feelings tightly to me these past few weeks.

About three weeks ago, we found out my husband had some potentially serious heart problems. Needless to say, this sort of rocked my world. We found out in a very roundabout way. He had to have a physical because we wanted to increase some life insurance. We started this journey because of a "blip" on his EKG. Little did we know.

First, he went to his family doctor who sent him to a cardiologist. The cardiologist sent him for an echocardiogram and a stress test. A few days later, we were nervously waiting in the exam room to get his results.

The results ended up being no results. The tests gave an idea of what could be the problem but couldn't exactly pinpoint it. So, last Thursday (9/22), Bruce went to the hospital for a TEE - a transesophagal echo or in plain English, an ultrasound of the back of his heart.

Thankfully, we didn't have to wait for those results. While my dear husband was still out, the doctor told me some great news - no surgery because his heart valve was fine. Instead, he had a left ventricle outflow blockage - basically a blood flow problem caused by some thickened heart muscle. Because of that, my hubby would have to be on beta blockers, and would be seeing the cardiologist on a fairly regular basis. At his next appointment, they will probably strap a HOlt monitor to him for a day or two, and perhaps send him to Columbus to see an electrophysiologist. I don't know what that is either.

The weird thing was - Bruce felt and looked completely fine, even in retrospect.. Looking at him, you'd never know he had any kind of medical problem. HE didn't have any symptoms. The problem, which is congenital, was quietly ticking away inside him and neither of us had any idea there was even a problem.

It was so strange to me to know in my head that he had something seriously wrong, but to not see it with my eyes. The thought that kept coming to me was "this doesn't seem real."

This week, after gearing myself up for the open heart surgery I was sure my husband would have to have, I am sort of floundering. There's nothing to gear up for - we will just go on as we have been, albeit with more whole grains and less junk food. I suppose this feeling is a cross between relief and disbelief that life as I knew it could have changed so quickly and irrevocably. The reminder, once again, that nothing in life is for sure - that things can change from one moment to the next. The fact that I am not in control hit home once more.

I like to think if I am just organized and on top of things enough, I can control things, but as much as I'd like to think that, it's not true. It's an illusion. The same illusion that my husband appeared completely healthy.

Fortunately, we serve a God who IS in complete control. NOthing takes Him by surprise. Not only that, He loves us and is wholeheartedly for us, so we can rest in that.

God gave me this sentence throughout all this and it has been my prayer - that HIS glory will shine through us no matter what happens. "Difficult times are an opportunity for God's glory to shine through ordinary people."

He also gave us a verse the day we were nervously awaiting Bruce's test results from his stress test.

"He will have no fear of bad news; his hears it steadfast, trusting in the Lord." Psalms 112:7

You just can't get more relevant than that!
~ Blessings, Bronte

THE MYTH OF HAPPILY EVER AFTER

2011-09-15T19:45:00.000-07:00

It seems intrinsic in the telling of stories and myths, that good always overcomes evil, that the hero slays the villain, that the cowboy rides into the sunset. Look at the stories that have been wildly popular movies lately. Harry Potter comes to mind - the last installment came out this summer and people were lined up around the block at the stroke of midnight to see him defeat Voldemort. Or the Lord of the Rings trilogy where the ring and Sauron were finally destroyed.

Have you noticed the stories we love the most all feature unlikely heroes- people who seem unlikely to get through the day, never mind destroy a great villain or overcome evil. But they do. It's why we cheer them on - that could be us up there on the screen.

Even the Bible stories that fill Sunday schools around the world feature young David killing Goliath the giant. Or timid, unimportant Gideon leading the charge and winning the battle. Noah gets an ark (and some cool pets); Daniel isn't eaten by the lions and Shaddrach, Meshach and Abednego walk around in a fiery furnace.

I'm not sure where the idea has seeped into mainstream Christianity that if we just love God and follow Him we will get that happily ever after here on earth. Maybe it is because of all the Bible stories with happy endings we were told as children. Or maybe it is someone taking the verse, "All things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose," and thinking that means their life circumstances will have a movie-worthy ending.

Of course, ALL Christians have a happily ever after in eternity - it's called heaven. But here on earth, there isn't any such promise. In fact, if you take a little tour through the New Testament you'll find that all of Jesus' disciples were put to death - usually in rather gruesome ways. Stephen was stoned because he spoke so eloquently of Jesus.

And let's not forget Paul. Paul who practically wrote the whole New Testament, didn't sugar coat his experiences. He was beaten, whipped, stoned, imprisoned, shipwrecked, snake-bit; and finally beheaded in Rome. That doesn't sound so "happily ever after" to me.

I know this sounds terribly pessimistic, but I do have a point that isn't all doom and gloom. I promise.

The truth is the Bible tells us, that as Christians, we are going to have trouble. Things may not seem to have a happy ending for us here on earth. We aren't promised that.

In fact, our life here is described as a battle. We are soldiers in an epic battle on an unseen battleground. Our lives here on earth will be hard; they will be fraught with difficulties and hardships. But knowing that, understanding that gives us a whole new perspective - the right perspective. When something happens or circumstances knock us down, we aren't disillusioned or bitter because we know - this is part of being war.

I don't know about you, but I want to acquit myself well on the battlefield. I want to hear Jesus tell me "well done, good and faithful servant." I don't want to shrink back in fear but charge with courage into the fray, holding my sword and shield high.

There is joy here on earth. God's blessings are abundant, but there aren't always the world's versions happily ever afters. We would be wise to keep our weapon at the ready, while remembering that we already know the ultimate ending to this war, if not our current battle - we win!

~ Blessings, Bronte

THOUGHTS ON ROMANS AND OTHER RAMBLINGS

2011-09-03T07:31:00.000-07:00

Recently I decided to read through the New Testament for a couple of reasons. First, I have had this burning desire to know exactly who I am in Christ. Truth sets you free and I think, as a whole, we don't know who we are as Christians these days. Our insecurity on this topic affects how we impact the world around us. Several years ago, I spent about 18 months in Psalms and wrote down everything those Psalms said about God. It was eye opening, and it deepened my relationship with God because I saw who He was so much more clearly. The second part of that, though, is to know who I am in Christ, and to learn to stand on that truth rather than just my feelings. (which now that I seem to be approaching menopause are not all that reliable! lol)

The second reason is because I have been in the Old Testament for a couple years now. I thought it might be time to switch over and get a different perspective.

So, I read through Acts which was very interesting. It was exciting to read about the coming of the Holy Spirit and the huge difference that made in the lives of the apostles. It was amazing to see 12 men change the course of history and make a tremendous difference in their world. I also didn't realize how very specifically salvation and the Holy Spirit was brought to the Gentiles. I guess I just thought that Christ died, was resurrected and that was it, but it was so much more intentional and specific.

As I got ready to read Romans, I was a bit intimidated. I'm not a Bible scholar by any stretch, so I sent up a plea to God to help me to understand the deep truths embedded into this book. I love reading God's Word. I am constantly amazed by the way God seems to speak directly to ME through the Scriptures even though they were written centuries ago.

But I have been so blessed by reading Romans because it has shown me what a true GIFT salvation is to us. I mean, I knew that in my head, but growing up in a Christian home and surrounded by church and believers and spiritual things, it is so easy to take the hugeness of that gift for granted.

Every day I read a chapter and savor it. And every day it seems I end my time in tears of thankfulness for the huge thing that God did for me by giving me the gift of salvation. Not just a "get out hell free" pass, but a relationship that makes a daily difference in my life, that changes who I am at a foundational level that I could never accomplish by myself, no matter how many self-help books I read or how many Oprah shows I watched.

I was in Romans 6 & 7 yesterday, and one verse just seemed to leap out at me. It was Romans 6:14, "For sin shall not be master over you, for you are not under law but under grace." I don't have to be a slave to sin anymore. Because of Christ and my salvation in Him, I have the Holy Spirit, and now I have a choice about whether I will live under the yoke of sin. Before salvation, I didn't really have a choice. In my own power, I can't avoid sin or just decide to do better or turn over a new leaf. That is why there are so many self-help books - nobody has the true answer because the answer doesn't lie within ourselves.

This verse to me was a battle cry, a victory slogan. Yes, I know in chapter 7, Paul goes on to say that his flesh is weak and that he does the things he doesn't want to do, and doesn't do the things he does want to do. But that is just it - in his flesh. When he would try to avoid sin in his body or flesh, it was impossible. We don't have that kind of will power. However, when we live in the Spirit, we can be overcomers. We can be victorious over sin - not in our strength or power - but in Christ who lives in us.

I have said this numerous times in my Sunday school class in the past year - I am so tired of the defeatedness of most believers. This attitude of I'm just a sinner saved by grace. While this is true, it's not the whole truth. Once we are saved we become saints, saints that can turn the world around us upside down if we allow God to work through us. After salvation, the Scriptures do not refer to believers as sinners, but we are referred to many times as saints.

Isn't it time we start living as victors instead of losers?
~ Blessings, Bronte

SIMPLE LIFE VS. FOCUSED LIFE

2011-08-24T06:49:00.001-07:00

I recently ordered a book called Focus in the Whirlwind by Jean Fleming. (free - thank you swagbucks!) I often feel overwhelmed by all that life seems to ask of me: be a good wife, be a good mom, eat healthy (that always seems to take longer doesn't it?), exercise, spend time with God every day, clean the house, walk the dog, work, be a good friend, and on and on it goes. So, saying that I often feel at the vortex of a whirlwind seemed an understatement.

It was interesting, because I've been reading on several blogs and in books about simplifying life. That sounds so appealing to me - a simple life, pared down to the essentials. However, as I was reading this book, Fleming challenged my thinking on the simple life. She asked a very disturbing question, "The question, 'What do I mean by simple?' uncovered a disturbing possibility. As I struggled to define simple, I realized that perhaps my desire was to eliminate the hassle, to control life, to make it more manageable. Having a blazing streak of the escapist in me, was I trying to redefine life minus the stresses and pressures?"

I, like Mrs. Fleming, also have a rather wide streak of escapist in me, too. I want a life without hassles, a life where I feel in control, but if you read in the New Testament for any length of time, it becomes clear that a life of no hassles is not promised to any believer. Quite the opposite in fact.

She then added another sentence that sort of rocked my world. "The question is not, How can I do more? but, Am I doing the right thing?" Whoa! It seems every organizational type book or article is about how to get more done in less time. No wonder everyone feels stressed in this pressure cooker of expectations. I know I struggle with the feeling of never getting enough done, and not getting it done fast enough.

Finally, Fleming gave a better way to go about this quest for simplicity - because I think we all wish for simplicity, but trying to find it in a new organizational system isn't the answer. "The simplicity man seeks is not one of organization and management, but of relationship... To add Christ to our already busy life is to complicate living; to allow Christ to absorb all the elements of our life is to simplify it."

In other words, it's not simplicity we need but focus. Who or what am I focused on? The answer should be Christ. When we make our life an offering to an audience of one - God - then our lives get infinitely simpler. It's focus even in a whirlwind.

I'll leave you with one last quote from this chapter of the book. "Neither the approval nor the disapproval of people is any sure indicator of the validity of our work; our faithfulness and obedience to God stand as the true test."

Am I passing this test? Are you?
~ Blessings, Bronte

TRUST IN THE DARK

2011-08-07T17:57:00.000-07:00

I am a why person. I want to know why all the time. It can really drive people nuts - just ask my dear husband! :) This past week, I was listening to a Beth Moore online Bible teaching (I LOVE Beth Moore btw) and she was saying how that her abuse in her past was part of God's plan for her and that He allowed it for her good so that she could then use it in ministry. She said while God is never the author of sin, He can use awful things for our ultimate good, even if it doesn't seem that way at the time.

This, of course, led me to start asking about God's sovereignty and our free will. I was left with my brain in a tangle trying to figure out where and how these intersected with God's foreknowledge. Confused yet? Yeah, so was I!

On top of this, I was having a bad week. It just seems one thing after another keeps hitting us, and as I was looking at God's sovereignty it became sort of personal as I applied it all to my life. I mean, how was it God's will - His PLAN - for people to sin against my family? How was it His plan that after He called me and gave me a desire to write, I would have to find a full time job with benefits? I was left with this feeling of how can I trust God if I don't understand this? How can I be at peace with it all even if I can't fully wrap my mind around it?

Well, over the course of several days of wrestling with this(and honestly, this idea of God being in total control even of the bad stuff that happens has cropped up in my daily Bible study, sermons and even the Beth Moore lesson I clicked on!) I had a sort of epiphany during church (where once again this subject came up!). If I will only trust God when I can see the big picture and understand what He is doing, well, that isn't really trust is it?

It was like I was saying to God, "I'll trust You as soon as You explain Yourself to me and assure me of a happily ever after ending." What audacity! What cheek! To say to God Almighty - "Prove Yourself trustworthy to me." My pride and arrogance sort of make me shudder now when I think about it!

One thing that I have read several times in my Bible study is the phrase, "Will you trust God's character more than your circumstances." I guess I could add - "Will I trust God's character even when I can't understand how and what He is doing?" The bottom line is life is hard. Bad things happen to everyone because we live in a fallen world. However, I would rather go through it with God at my side, holding my hand even if I am walking in the dark than to walk in full light without Him.

~ Blessings, Bronte

WHAT IF

2011-08-02T07:27:00.000-07:00

Do you ever find yourself asking "what if"? I do it all the time. In fact, I'm so good at it, I can work myself into a mind-blowing tizzy in a matter of seconds - from serene to freaked out in under 60 seconds! That's not quite the kind of record I can be proud of though!

At the bottom the whirling, churning of "what if" worries though is the truth that what I am really doing is not trusting God with the future. I am choosing instead, to trust myself. All my excuses - I have an active imagination so I can't help it; I need to be practical and find solutions; etc. - are just a cover up that I am allowing circumstances that haven't even happened yet to trump what I know and profess to believe about God. Ouch!

Today in my Bible study, Linda Dillow shared several verses that really hit home - that whole Word of God being a sharp two-edged sword I guess. The one is a bit long so I won't write it all here but it is found in Jeremiah 17:5-8. It compares the life of a person who trusts in themselves - "like a bush in the desert and will not see when prosperity comes but will live in stony wastes in the wilderness, a land of salt without inhabitants" - to the person whose trust is in the Lord - "for he will be like a tree planted by the water, that etends its roots by a stream and will not fear when the heat comes; but its leaves will be green, and it will not be anxious in a year of drought nor cease to yield fruit."

As I read those verses, I realized that I really, really don't want to be like that dried up bush in the desert. I want to be like the green tree that still produces fruit even during a drought. I don't want to blend into the dry, thirsty landscape, no different than my surroundings. I want to stand out like a green beacon, a testiment to God's faithfulness even in seemingly unconducive conditions for growth.

Another verse that stuck with me was Psalms 112:7 which says, "He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord." Can you imagine serenity and peace in the face of any news at all? That's what I want - to be fearless.

Of course, I can't get there on my own. I am weak and, well, rather wimpy if you want t know the truth. But I guess that is the whole point. I am not trusting in myself. I am trusting in God and His character, His promises, His faithfulness.

So, how do I do that practically? I think that if there is something looming on the horizon, I need to face it head on - what is the worst of my "what if" that could happen? Then I need to trust that God will be with me and carry me through even in that worst case scenerio. I'm reminded of Esther. She feared going in before the king without being summoned because he could kill her for that inpertinance. But she got to the point where she said, "If I perish, I perish." Only then could she do what God had asked of her.

The other thing I need to do is take my thoughts captive. I don't know about you, but my thoughts are pretty wild and uncontrollable sometimes and not very submissive to being tamed. But I have to run them through the filters of what is true and good and right. I have to saturate my mind with God's Word so that instead of Satan's lies, I can hold onto truth even when my feelings and thoughts aren't there yet.

So I'm left with another "what if." What if I trusted God's character and faithfulness rather than my circumstances and imaginings? What if you did?

~ Blessings, Bronte

I NOW HAVE A TEENAGER

2011-07-31T19:32:00.000-07:00

Yes, it is true - I am the mother of a teenager. It really doesn't seem possible - I don't feel nearly old enough to have a teenager. It's strange how 12 sounds so much younger than 13 for some reason.

But my oldest son, Brock Howard, is now 13 years old. He turned 13 on Friday, July 29th. I remember his birth like it was yesterday. From the day he was born, that child has had a laser-like focus. He's still that way today.

I distinctly remember when Brock was about 2 years old. He was playing on the floor in front of the sliding glass doors that went out to our patio. That was when we lived in the condo. He had on one of those sleepers with feet and was happily building something with his blocks. The sun streamed in and gilded his blonde head. I remember thinking at the time that I wanted to freeze that moment, that I would blink and he'd be all grown up. Well, I blinked. He's not all grown up but in five (5!!) years, he'll be 18 years old. My job will essentially be over.

Even now, my job is lessening. When God told Eve about the curse of pain in childbirth, I don't think He meant all physical. Being a mother is at times bittersweet because the whole point is to work yourself out of a job. With each year that passes, my influence, my guidance will get less and less.

So far, Brock has been a great kid. He reads his Bible every day without fail and asks insightful questions. He has a heart for the lost and has lead several of his neighborhood friends to the Lord. He is kind to other people, even his little brother most of the time. He is respectful and polite (if a bit quiet and shy with adults). He has high standards for himself. I mean, how often do you have a 13 year old who blares the Canton Spirituals as his music of choice? lol He is so smart, he takes my breath away sometimes. The thing I admire most about Brock though is his self-discipline - probably because that doesn't come very naturally to me. From the time he was very young, Brock has had the ability to decide to do something and then follow through. I hope he retains that trait as I believe it will serve him well in his life.

Although very serious by nature, he has a dry sense of humor that catches you off guard and makes me laugh until I can't breath and tears leak from my eyes.

Time goes by so quickly. It is hard to believe that 13 years have gone by since Brock was born early and tiny. But here we are. I pray that I can be the mother he needs to finish guiding him to manhood. I pray, as I always do, that he will love God with all his heart, soul, mind and strength and his neighbor as himself. I pray that he will continue to love God's Word and study it. Brock is a blessing that I thank God for every day. Despite my lack of maternal instincts, God has blessed me with not one, but two wonderful sons.

So, welcome to the teen years, Brock. May God bless you and keep you through these fun but turbulent years. I can't wait to see what the years bring in the next 13 years!
~ Blessings, Bronte

STARCHY COMFORTS

2011-07-30T19:11:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid, I used to play down in our basement with my best friend, Karen. I remember how cool the basement was compared to the hot summer days outside. In fact, it was so cool in the basement, Karen and I would drag down blankets and pile them on top of ourselves. I always felt very snug and safe during those times. I felt somehow, like I was hidden from the world where nobody could ever find me. Of course, this was all an illusion since we were just underneath the stairs and anybody could have walked down them, peered through the slats and seen us. But nonetheless, I felt like I was safe in that cubby hole beneath the stairs, wrapped in the scratchy Afghans my grandmother had crocheted.

Fast forward to the other day. I was walking in Walmart of all places, looking for a loaf of bread. I searched up and down the aisles and couldn't find the bread anywhere. This Walmart had only opened up recently and I'd only been there once before for something completely unrelated to bread. Finally, I asked someone and they pointed me to the "bakery" section. It was a nook with shelves lined with soft loaves of bread in plastic wrappers proclaiming names I was very familiar with like Wonder and Aunt Millie's. Suddenly, as I stood there, surrounded by the familiar and comforting smell of starch, I had that same feeling of safeness that I used to get as a kid under my basement stairs. It was tempting to stay in that safe little nook surrounded by bread indefinitely. Don't ask me why a bread area in a box store made me feel that waym but it did.

It also brought to mind that lately, I've felt like I have been free falling. Circumstances and frustrations have given me the uneasy feeling of walking on a very shaky bridge, never sure if the next step will hold me or not. To be honest, it makes me feel very tired and weary. But amongst those shelves of bread, I suddenly felt cocooned and insulated from the real world, like its noise was somehow muffled.

As I made my way to the check out, my Wonder Whole Wheat Italian loaf in my cart, it hit me that I am always safe, starch or no starch. I am wrapped in the love of the Father who never lets me go and never leaves me. Not to mention, Jesus is my ever ready "bread" of life. Walmart is a strange place to have an epiphany, but I find God is just as much present in the mundane as the sublime, somehow transforming something daily into something holy. At any rate, eating toast has a whole new meaning to me now! :)

~ Blessings, Bronte

ARE YOU BEING DEVOURED?

2011-07-28T08:39:00.001-07:00

This Bible study I'm doing, Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow isn't at all what I thought it would be. I guess I was thinking it would be a bit more warm and fuzzy. I wasn't expected to be challenged, convicted and prodded quite so much. But that's a good thing. I think, anyway.

She pointed out I Peter 5:6,7 in the reading and the homework portion. This resonated with me so strongly that I didn't finish yesterday's homework but just sat there meditating on these veres. Not only were the verses the author mentioned gripping, but the ones that came after struck me even more forcefully. Here they are:

"Therefore, humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, frim in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world. After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you." I Peter 5:6-10

Interestingly, the verse before this ends with "God is opposed to the proud but gives grace to the humble." Verse 6 makes it plain that we need to be humble AND give all of our anxieties to God. The word casting literally means "to hurl" which gives a funny sort of picture in my mind of me running by God, pelting Him with all my anxieties and worries. It seems to give this picture of anxiety hot potato - get rid of them as quickly as possible by hurling them at God who is big enough to handle them all.

The next verse tells us to be sober and alert because Satan is looking for people to devour. The words be sober in the Greek mean to be calm and collected in spirit. I've seen these verses before but suddenly, when looking at them all together something clicked into place for me. In order to be sober and alert about the devil so I can avoid being devoured by him, I need to be humble and not full of anxiety and fear. Those things - pride and fearfulness - make me a prime target for the Satan's attacks. They certainly don't give me a calm and collected spirit!

Even the very first sin took place because of both pride and fear. Pride that Eve knew better than God and wanted to be in control. Fear because she feared that God wasn't really good and was holding out on her with the good stuff. How many times do I fall into Satan's trap because of pride (it does come before a fall after all!) or fears/anxieties? Way more than I want to admit!

But the next verse tells me what to DO: "resist him, firm in your faith..." Faith is utter trust in God - not myself (pride) or in circumstances (fears/anxieties). In these verses, Peter is saying "yes, things might be hard and you might suffer but if we hold on to God - have faith - then He will do something wonderful in us.

The last verse gives us the results of not letting fear or pride make us an easy target. It says God HIMSELF will "perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you." Because I am somewhat of a Bible nerd, I had to look up those words in the Greek. Perfect means to render complete or sound. Confirm means to make stable, place firmly, set fast. Strengthen here means to make steadfast. Finally, establish means to lay the foundation. This presents such a different picture than the one that the devil is seeking to devour doesn't it?

I don't know about you, but I want to be the final picture - completed, placed firmly, steadfast and with a solid foundation NOT a tasty entree for the devil's neverending appetite! God tells me how too - be humble and giving (throwing) my anxieties to Him. I guess I better start working on my throwing arm!

~ Blessings, Bronte

THE RAGING JORDAN

2011-07-09T09:22:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've been coming up against the call I feel God has placed on my life - ministering to women through writing, teaching and speaking - and the reality of my life which is the financial need to work a lot.

I feel like I am standing, like the Israelites, on the banks of the Jordan River. On the other side is the Promised Land. I can see it and oh does it sparkle in the sun! But between me and the Promised Land is a raging river. It froths and churns. It does not appear to be crossable in any way. My meager attempts to build rafts or rig up some kind of conveyance to get across have been futile. Every time I try to get across, waves and rocks crash into me and send me scrambling back to the shore.

To be honest, I feel sort of abandoned on this shore with the promise seemingly taunting me from the other side. I feel like I did take that first step of faith by quitting my job last year with nothing to count on but God's call and promise.

Yes, God was very good to provide me with two jobs, but the time it took to do them (and the string of health issues I've had in the past months) left me with nothing to give to my calling. Now another financial burden has been heaped on my shoulders and it seems impossible to cross this raging river with it tied onto my back.

I wish I could say I had the answers to this. But I don't. I wish I could say I saw a way that God was making for me. But I don't. I wish I could say I feel hopeful and optimistic here on my rocky shore. But I don't.

What I do know though is that God is faithful. Always. What I do know is that He is bigger than any circumstance that comes my way. What I do know is that He is always with me because He promises to never leave me or forsake me. What I do know is that He has a plan and a purpose for my life and if I let Him, even difficult, seemingly overwhelming circumstances can be used to bring Him glory and deepen my relationship with Him. What I do know is that HE is the Blessed Controller, not me. What I do know is that nothing can seperate me from His love. What I do know, that no matter how it feels, I am overwhelmingly a conqueror through Christ. (Interesting that Greek word for overwhelmingly conquerors is the root for Nike and their slogan for "Just Do It.")

"But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able tosepearte us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our God." Romans 8:37-39

So, I can stand on the rocky shore and know that my footing is firm even if the river seems too big and wild for me. Blessed be the Rock of my Salvation!
~ Blessings, Bronte

CONTENT IN ALL THINGS

2011-07-05T09:24:00.000-07:00

"Contentment is not about our circumstances - it is about our heart." I'm currently doing a Bible study by Linda Dillow on the subject of anxiety and contentment. When I picked up the study, the idea of being calm no matter the circumstances appealed to me. Over the past several years, I have struggled with anxiety quite a bit.

Some of it is my personality - all the what if's that crowd in to my head, regularly make mountains out of molehills. But I recently found out that a lot of it had to do with some medication I'd been taking - who knew?

But regardless, my natural state is not calmness. My natural state tends toward worry and what ifs. I thought it interesting that in the very first chapter, the author tied peace and calmness in to contentment. Hmmm, interesting. I had not tied those two together in my quest for peace and calmness. I saw them as two seperate things - apparently not.

The verses she focused on were Philippians 4:11-13 where Paul talks about being content in whatever state he finds himself in - needy or prosperous. Strangely enough, just last week I found a blog (marlataviano.com)where a woman was talking about how God was working in her life to live more for Him and serving others than working on her savings portfolio. She specifically mentioned Dave Ramsey and how she wasn't going to be following his steps to savings.

Whoo- boy, did a "discussion" evolve from that. I mean, people were definitely taking sides and some were even taking cheap shots at the blogger, as well as, other posters. I felt badly for the poor woman since she was just wanting to share what God was doing in HER life - how He had turned her thinking upside down! Yes, it did come across a little bit like everyone should do what she was doing, but sometimes, it's hard to not get carried away in our enthusiasm and come across that way even if that is NOT the intent.

And let's face it, there are far more Christians who don't seem to even be aware there IS suffering or any different realities than their own present one than ones who shed tears over the persecuted, the hungry and the oppressed. But I digress...

After reading her blog, I was convicted to look up and out more often, to look for opportunities to share the blessings God has given me. This in turn made me so much more aware of all that God HAS blessed me with. I was also left with a couple questions from all those comments. Is it a sin to save for the future and have an emergency fund? I don't think so. Is it a sin NOT to save for the future and have an emergency fund? Again, I don't believe so. I was left with this answer: What IS a sin is to NOT do whatever God is telling you to do. The Bible DOES specifically say that if we know we are to do something and then don't do it, that is sin.

Anyway, the reason the verses and that blog collided in my mind was because as I read that Paul was content not just in humble circumstances but also when he was prosperous, it hit me like a 2 x 4 that God isn't in the business of blessing us to then guilt us because we ARE blessed. I think we all need to open our eyes to how richly we are blessed in this country and also to the needs around the world, but it isn't supposed to be another cause of anxiety.

Instead, it's another opportunity to trust God and follow Him. It is a chance to once again come face to face with the fact that "The Lord has established His thrones in heaven and His sovereignty rules over all." Psalms 103:19

Coming to God and realizing that everything we have is really His gives you a different perspective on what to do with "your" money - whether that is saving or giving. God tells us in James that if we ask for wisdom, He will give it to us, so I don't think God is up there trying to leave us in the dark about this subject. What a burden lifter to know that I don't have to figure it all out. I can ask for God's guidance in all things, including my blessings, and He will give it! And that is just anoher thing to be thankful for and a thankful, gratitude-filled heart is one way to find some contentment!
~ Blessings, Bronte

TOO MANY RETURNS

2011-06-23T20:35:00.001-07:00

The package lay on the table. It was wrapped in beautiful paper with a shiny bow. The tag said, Love, Daddy. I opened it and stared in dismay at what lay inside. It was a dress. But... the color was all wrong for me. And the fit - well, it did fit but it was so uncomfortable, not me at all. I shoved the gift back in its box and set it aside in an out of the way closet.

Later that day, Daddy came to find me. "Daughter," he said, "where is the gift I gave you? Why aren't you wearing it?"

I hesitated, looked at the ground and then the ceiling. "Um, well, I, well, that is, I put it away for now," I stammered.

"But, Daughter, I chose that for you because I knew it was just what you needed."

Finally, in frustration, I blurted, "But it's the wrong color and it's not comfortable and it, well, it just wasn't what I wanted. Not at all - how could you say it's good for me?"

"Don't you trust me to give you good things?" my Father asked gently.

"I do, but everyone makes mistakes," I said. "If you would just let me show you what I want, it would work so much better."

"No, that is what I chose for you," he said. "It is what you need, but it is your choice whether you will accept it and wear it."

That night, I couldn't get the look of sorrow my Daddy's face held. So, the next morning, I pulled the box out of the closet. I smoothed my hand over the rumpled fabric. Maybe the color wasn't so bad. I pulled it on and it still did not feel comfortable. Yet, I decided I would wear it. I would accept this gift my Father gave me and even though it wasn't what I would choose myself, I would be thankful my father gave it to me.

When my Father saw me the next day, his face lit up and his smile warmed my heart. "Daughter, you look beautiful."

Strangely, even though I originally thought the color was wrong and the fit was wrong, every time I wore the dress, people would comment on how radiant I looked; how it brought out things in me they never noticed before. I wore the dress for years, and it became a favorite - a visible reminder of my Father's love for me.

WALKING BY FAITH

2011-06-18T13:52:00.000-07:00

That phrase sounds so great when we hear it coming from the pastor - "walk by faith." It sounds inspiring when we hear other people share how "walking by faith" got them through a tough situation. It doesn't sound so marvelous when you are applying it to your own situation.

With God, there is always a reason for everything. Nothing is by chance, and He knows just what you need, when you need it. For the past few weeks, I have been very, very busy with my kids' activities. It's made me feel a bit crazy, truth be known. In addition to that, I have been plagued by "what if's" and "how will we..." with our finances.

Midweek, I found myself jealous and envious of a good friend because she was getting to do what I want to do - speak God's Truth to others. I know, that sounds so immature and selfish doesn't it? I cringe typing those words, but there it is.

Some days, I feel old, washed up - like it is getting close to being too late to realize my dreams. I feel stuck in what I have to do and what I feel called to do.

Because of these things converging all at the same time, I have been frantically running around, trying to fix it, trying to figure out what to do next. I've been exhausting myself, scrabbling for answers like someone running around in the dark, running into the furniture but without the good sense to stop and turn on the light.

This week, as I was praying about this, complaining really about how was I supposed to do what God called me to do and still fix all these things, I felt God tell me to be still. To just stop already.

This morning, in my quiet time I was reading Psalms 18 and verse 28 caught my eye. It says, "For You light my lamp; the Lord my God illumines my darkness." What hit me was the psalmist did not say THE darkness. He said MY darkness. In other words, God lights up OUR areas of darkness so we can see the path, sometimes only one foot fall in front of us, but that is all we need with God at our side.

Today, I also attended a Thelma Wells conference. I don't know if you know who Thelma Wells is, but you can find out more about her at www.thelmawells.com. What I can tell you is she is a 70-year- old woman with a great sense of humor, a realness, a "tell it like it is" forthrightness and a deep faith that make you want to curl up and listen to what she says. She talked about walking by faith.

The thing that she said that really hit me was that nobody can keep you from what God has for you but yourself, and also, that we are not in control. I have been trying to control things, trying to fix things, trying to arrange things neatly and in order. And guess what? That isn't my job. What a relief!! It was like a great big boulder rolled off my shoulders. "Come unto me all you who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest."

Through Mama T, as they call her, God shined His light on my darkness. "Be still and know that I am God." I think this summer that is what I am going to do - just be still.

~ Blessings, Bronte

BY YOUR FRUITS

2011-06-07T09:39:00.000-07:00

My boys are big sports fanatics, so instead of relaxing this first week of summer vacation we are going back and forth to basketball camp and baseball practice/games. At least they aren't bored, right?

Yesterday, I was sitting in the bleachers waiting for my youngest, Brody, to finish up. From behind me I heard this woman talking to her son. She was complaining and criticizing the camp. I have no idea who the woman was, but I do know that she did not seem to be very happy.

The Bible tells us that man looks on the outward appearance but God looks on the heart. The thing is though that the only way people have to know we are Christians is by our actions and words. The fruit of our lives gives them a picture not only of our hearts but also of who God is.

My impression of the woman behind me wasn't a positive one, to be honest. My first thought was that she would be difficult to get along with. I have no idea if that is actually true - she could be the nicest person ever. But her complaining and criticism gave me a picture of who she was - right or wrong though that picture might be.

It hit me, as I sat there, that people watch us. They watch us when we are not aware we are being watched. How do I act? Am I negative, complaining or critical? Or do I radiate God's joy and love? How do I treat workers at stores that might not be so polite? How do I treat the waitress at the restaurant who has too many tables and seems a bit slow in service? What is my reaction to the man who cuts me off in traffic?

It was a bit sobering to realize that people, including my own kids, form a picture of me based on my behavior and words. It is true that we can't be perfect and that we do not earn our salvation or earn more of God's love based on our actions. But it is equally true that our fruits or behavior/words give others the only picture they can really have of who we are, what we believe and often who God is. I am praying that God makes my picture a true reflection of Him.
~ Blessings, Bronte

RECOVERY, THE SPIRIT AND OTHER PONDERINGS

2011-05-24T06:48:00.000-07:00

So, it's been exactly a week since my outpatient surgery. Before I get into what God showed me today in my quiet time, I really need to give some public praise for God's goodness to me this past week.

First of all, the one thing I was really nervous about was the IV. Usually, the nurse has a terrible time getting the IV in and it hurts and I come home black and blue. This time, they numbed it! It was a breeze and the IV went in on the first stick! What I want to know is where has this stuff been all my life??? lol

Second, my recovery has been very easy. I wasn't sure what to expect, but from everything I read and what the doctor told me, more pain seemed to be in the forecast. But there wasn't. I think I took a total of 3 pain pills the entire week, including Tylenol. They prescribed me enough percacet to last a month though. Now I'm prepared if the summer gets a bit tedious - just kidding!

Okay, now on to my study this morning. We are starting a new study in my Sunday School class - an indepth look at Romans 8. To be honest, I was intimidated because I have to teach it, and Romans has always seemed to me so, well, Biblically scholarly. There is a lot of great stuff in Romans, but there is also a lot of foundational theology and I am NOT a Bible scholar. I mean, I was wondering if I could DO the study, nevermind TEACH it!

So, wasn't it interesting that today's lesson focused on the Spirit in us. As I noted how walking in the Spirit was infinitely better than walking in the flesh, it occured to me that while I have to be willing, the Spirit is the one that does all the heavy lifting.

My study took me back to John 16:5-15, where Jesus is telling His disciples that He needs to go but that He will send the Spirit to them. Jesus started telling the all the benefits the Holy Spirit will bring. He will convict and He will instruct and He will comfort.

I've spent my whole life in church. I went to a Christian school and for several years, to a Christian college. It's not like the fact that once you are saved, the Holy Spirit lives inside of you is news to me. But today, I was just overwhelmed by what an awesome gift that really is!

Then my study took me to a brief perusal of Acts to look at the changes in the disciples. It was the typical before and after idea, but spiritual instead of physical.

The first person that caught my eye was Peter. Peter, who denied Christ three times. Peter, who brashly cut off the soldiers ear. Peter, who seemed to always be sticking his foot in it. THAT Peter was different on the day of Pentecost. The new Peter was bold. He took a stand and stepped out in leadership on that day. The Holy Spirit changed him from the inside out in a way that even his years living with Jesus didn't.

Then there are the miracles the disciples performed. They healed. They cast out demons. These were the same disciples who back in the book of Mark couldn't cast out one demon from a boy because they lacked the faith. Not now though. Suddenly, they had the confidence that God would show His power through them. The difference? The Holy Spirit.

It is a huge testament of what the Spirit can do, if we let Him. If we live like we are conquerors, instead of the vanquished. If we live for God without apology instead of worrying about offending. If we live like God dwells in us, instead of relying on ourselves and our own puny strength. I can't wait to share these things God showed me with my class. And guess what? I'm no longer worried about being out of my depth because it's really not about what I know or don't know. It's about what God shows me to share with others. I can trust Him to always come through!

~ Blessings, Bronte

WHO DO YOU BELIEVE?

2011-05-17T02:17:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here at 5 a.m. getting ready to head into the hospital for a little outpatient surgery. To be honest, last night I was very nervous. I am not very good with needles and hospitals and all that stuff. But in the end, God is with us no matter what happens or where we are going.

I woke up this morning at 4:30 a.m. For me, this is really the middle of the night as I am NOT a morning person. But I dutifully got out of bed and got ready. I padded down the hallway to do my stretching exercises. Then I decided to check out "Wednesdays with Beth Moore".

God is always so good about providing me with what I need, when I need it. Her quote for the day was, "Where you are in your spiritual life at any given time depends on who and what you believe."

Wow - that about sums it up, doesn't it? Who and what do I believe? God tells me He'll never leave me or forsake me. He tells me that nothing can seperate me from His love or take me from His hand.

A few years ago, I did a Bible study called Believing God, again by Beth Moore (I just love her, btw). In it she asked the challenging question Do you not just believe IN God, but do you believe HIM?

We had five things we had to repeat every week. I can remember 4 out of the 5 of those statements. (give me a break here - it has been at least 4 years!)
1. I believe God is who He says He is.
2. I believe God can do what He says He can do.
3. I believe I am who God says that I am.
4. I believe God's Word is alive in me.

But in order to believe those things, I have to know what they are. I have to meditate on those truths and believe them even if I ain't feelin' it that day.

So, today, as my wimpy, needle-fearing self goes in to have surgery, I believe God wil be right there with me the whole time. And really, does it get any better than that?
~ Blessings, Bronte

PEACE OF MIND

2011-05-10T08:48:00.000-07:00

I'm going to shamelessly drop names in this post - just to forewarn you! I got to interview Thelma Wells this morning for an article. She is the nicest woman and talking to her feels sort of like an emotional hug. People who have that gift are amazing to me.

Anyway, I've been doing the book study Made to Crave which is about food issues. It's been very interesting and a bit painful at times. But over and over in this study and in past studies, I find God bringing my mind back to the issue of anxiety in my life. I don't remember being this anxious when I was younger, but in recent years, anxiety and worry are things I struggle with. Maybe it is because I am a "what if" person, or maybe it is my very active imagination. Whatever the reason, I find I can work myself into a tizzy over literally nothing.

Lately, my anxiety seems to center on the problem of feeling like I am never doing enough or doing it fast enough. No matter what I am doing, I seem to have this low level of anxiety that whispers in my ear that there are many more things on the to-do list and I need to "hurry" or "go faster" or "not take time." This has shown up in my quiet time lately. I am having a good time with God, and then I glance at the clock and realize that it is later than I thought. Suddenly, I feel the urgency to wrap up my prayer time lickity-split so I can get on to the important task of scrubbing the toilet or some other earth stopping thing. These are obviously Satan's lies to keep me feeling overwhelmed while at the same time, keeping me from the true source of peace.

The truth is, as today's Bible study time showed me, that GOD is my portion and He is more than enough. I can stop fretting over time and whether I have enough of it, whether I am using it fast it enough or whatever. I can give my day to God and all the to-do's on it and trust that He has the perfect portion of time for me to accomplish what HE has for me to do.

Back to my converation with Mrs. Wells. I did the interview and she was truly delightful. Then I decided to take a little risk. After all, I had her on the phone, the opportunity was staring me in the face, so I asked her. I told her I was working on a Bible study on the life of Moses and asked what her advice would be. Her advice centered on not stressing out - to set aside a time, focus for that time and then not worry about how fast/slow I was going. What a blessing that advice was - how timely and apt. Then she prayed with me. It is truly a gift and blessing when someone prays over you and for you. Her prayer reminded me that where my hope and strength truly lie - in God, not a better organizational system or a tightly packed to - do list!

I hope this verse that blessed me today will also bless you. "Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I will say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore, I will wait for Him." Lamentations 3:22-24

Blessings, Bronte

TALK MUCH??

2011-04-26T09:02:00.000-07:00

When I was in high school (notice a theme here recently) there was a song that had the phrase, "You talk to much; you never shut up." At this point, I can't remember who sang the song or any other words from it, but I laughed when it came to mind during my quiet time.

Why you might ask? Well, I was praying about my mouth. Specifically, what comes out of it and what goes in to it. It's my biggest area of struggle. I am working on changing my eating habits -cutting out all sugar and grains - to help my health. My goal is to get off of the acid blockers I've been taking for almost a decade. Short-term, they can be helpful, but long-term, they have a bunch of very icky side effects. So, I am cutting out a lot from what I eat. As a self-professed sweets' addict, it's hard! I'm only on day 2 and I'm about ready to sell my firstborn for a brownie! lol

But the harder part of that equation, by far, is controlling what goes OUT Of my mouth. Last month, I wrote down a ton of verses that have to do with our mouth out of the book of Provers. I was reading through them again this morning. All I can say is OUCH!!! A few of them stood out to me since generally my problem is I just talk too much, not so much that I am mean spirited and am trying to be hurtful, but the more you say, well, the better chance you have of saying the wrong thing. So, I thought I'd share these verses with you.

"The wise of hert will receive commands, but a babbling fool will be ruined." Proverbs 10:8

"When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise." Proverbs 10:19

"There is one that speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." Proverbs 12:18

"A prudent man conceals knowledge but the heart of fools proclaim folly." Proverbs 12:23

"He who restrains his words has knowledge adn he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. Even a fool, when he keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is considered prudent." Proverbs 17:27,28

"A food does not delight in understanding, but only in revealing his own mind." Proverbs 18:2

Proverbs also has a lot to say about the wise man and usually that includes keeping his mouth shut. I am a word person. I work things through by verbalizing. I write things out to get it out of my head and understand things. Words are my medium, but they also get me into trouble.

We live in a era where constant communication is the norm. People get upset if they can't get a hold of you RIGHT NOW! Through places like facebook, twitter and others I'm not as familiar with, it is possible to share all your thoughts at any moment of any day. According to Proverbs, that isn't a good thing. In fact, how many celebrities or public figures have gotten themselves into trouble because of the immediancy of communication now a days?

We forget that silence CAN be golden - at least I do on a regular basis. Sometimes, mom was right - if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all!
~ Blessings, Bronte

HIDEOUTS

2011-04-14T06:26:00.000-07:00

When I was in my early teens, it was all the rage to have a jean jacket and have buttons with sayings, things like "Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most." Being a hip person, I had a jacket that burst with buttons. My favorite one was one I got in Kentucky, of all places. It said, "Reality is for those who lack imagination."

I've been a dreamer my entire life. Just ask my mom if you don't believe me. She'd be calling me to come do something or to say it was time to leave, but I wouldn't even hear her because my head was in the clouds, my nose was in a book or, as was usually the case, both.

It's okay to be a dreamer. People who are dreamers and have their head in the clouds, see and discover things that people who keep both feet planted firmly on the ground never do. However, as with everything, there is a flip side of being a dreamer. To live life, you have to at least keep one toe on the ground now and again. Dreamers can spend their whole lives just living in their heads and never actually DO anything about all those things they see in the clouds.

Dreamers can also be hiders. That would be me lately. I am doing this Bible study called Made to Crave. It is actually about the spiritual answer to the problem of food issues. See, I have this dirty little secret - I like to go out by myself to eat. I was never sure why I had this overwhelming urge to sit in Panera Bread by myself with a book and good food, but I do.

So, I was doing my day's Bible study and it asked why I liked to eat - for comfort, to relieve stress, to reward myself. Then it asked how it would look if I went to God for my comfort, to relieve my stress, to reward myself. As I was writing out my answer, it suddenly dawned on me WHY I like to eat out by myself - it is a way of hiding.

When I go somewhere else to eat, I can retreat from reality for a little while. I don't see the laundry that needs doing or the drawer that needs to be cleaned out. The dog is not walking by reminding me that I need to brush him soon and also vacuum up all those hair balls floating around; I can put off doing or making decisions that are clamouring for my attention. Eating out by myself is a way for me to retreat to my imagination instead of living in my reality. (I always bring a good book).

God is really good at showing me things in the way I need to see them, and not just leaving me with the issue but giving me an answer. He next brought to mind all the verses that talk about GOD being my hiding place; GOD being my rock; GOD being my resting place; GOD being the strong tower I run in to. It was a light bulb moment for me and one I hope will have a truly big impact on both my eating habits and my budget!

I'll leave you with the lyrics of this song that God placed in my heart this morning as He gently showed me that reality can be a very good place to be when HE is my hiding place.

You Are My Hiding Place
You are my hiding place.
You always fill my heart,
With songs of deliverance.
Whenever I am afraid,
I will trust in You.

I will trust in You.
Let the weak say,
I am strong,
In the strength of the Lord.

A MONTH OF THANKFULNESS

2011-04-02T15:56:00.000-07:00

I'd like to say that I rise above my circumstances. But I don't. I'd like to say that I believe God more than my feelings. But I don't. I'd like to say that I was thankful in all things. But I'm not.

It has not been a good winter. Since the middle of January, I've had the stomach flu, influenza, a bad cold, pink eye, a double ear infection, a very bad sore throat, and another bad cold. I realize that that isn't on par with having cancer or anything, but it is still hard to keep doing when you feel lousy all the time. This doesn't even include the various other things that have happened this winter including, but not limited to, a neighbor banging on my door in the middle of the night drunk and having to call the police, getting in a car accident, and having financial stresses. To be honest, I've been feeling a bit sorry for myself - sort of martyr-ish.

But you know, I have a lot to be thankful for in all of this. As I said, none of my illnesses is something horrendous, like cancer. They are more an inconvenience than anything else. I wasn't hurt in that car accident, and I was given the opportunity to love my neighbor and she came to Christ a few weeks ago.

No matter how many blessings I have though, it always seems easier to focus on the difficult circumstances, to let them overwhelm me, to start focusing on them rather than on God's goodness and faithfulness. To believe in my circumstances rather than in God's plan and purpose for my life.

So, this month, I have decided to try an experiment - to not complain and to look for things for which to be thankful. I'll start by saying, I am thankful for the women's conference this weekend. I'll be honest and say nothing really hit me over the head while I was there like at some conferences I've attended, but one quote really stood out to me.

The singer that was there, Michael O'Brian, was sitting at a round table discussion with Stormie O'Martian and Jennifer Rothschild and he quoted something from Jane Austen (yes, I was suprised that a guy knew that too!). It was, "Speculation is the enemy of calm." Isn't that the truth? So many times I get all caught up in what might happen, I miss the blessings all around me right now.

So, this month, I am going to try to live out my life verse - Philippians 4:6-8. "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God and the peace that passes all understanding will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things."

I'll leave you with an example from a book called Calm My Anxious Heart of a woman who never complained. Her name was Ella and she and her husband worked with the pygmies of Africa for 52 years. Saying her living conditions were primative was an understatement. If anyone had a reason to complain, it was Ella, but she had a holy contentment that defied her circumstances. Her daughter Mimi was given her diary and it was there she found her mother's prescription for contentment.

* Never allow yourself to complain - even about the weather
* Never picture yourself in other circumstances or someplace else
* Never compare your lot with another's
* Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise
* Never dwell on tomorrow - remember that tomorrow is God's, not ours

I think I'll post that on my refrigerator.
~ Blessings, Bronte

THE PROBLEM WITH FAIRYTALES

2011-03-21T06:48:00.001-07:00

The other night I watched a retelling of the fairytale, Beauty and the Beast. To be honest, it was only okay as far as the acting went. The story line was a bit far-fetched too, but since it was supposed to be a hypermodern version of a fairytale, I was willing to suspend belief a bit.

After watching the movie though I was struck by several things. First of all, the whole idea of this tale is to impress the importance of looking beyond the outward appearance. This echos the Bible because God said to Samuel, "Man looks on the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart."

As Christians, we know that to be true, but I know I often fall into the trap of letting first appearances sway my judgment or perceptions about someone.

As far as the fairytale goes, it seems funny to me that so many retellings of Beauty and the Beast exist. We seem to be fascinated with the idea of seeing beauty and worth beneath a repulsive exterior. Yet, if you look at other fairytales, the heroine of the story is always beautiful. Snow White wasn't plain. Cinderella didn't have buck teeth. Ariel wasn't chubby. So even though the tale is trying to give a lesson, the whole idea doesn't seem to sink very deep.

In our modern times, the idea of seeing beyond the surface seems appealing but how many movie stars have you seen lately that aren't beautiful. And the lengths that many go to achieve that polished perfection are truly scary! So, as fascinated as we are with the idea, we don't, as a cultural whole, seem to put it into practice much these days.

In fact, I recently heard something on the radio that I found deeply disturbing. This study or survey (can't remember which since I was in the car and couldn't really take notes) looked at the top New Year's Resolutions for 2011. For young girls and women, most of those included their appearance in some way - weight, hair, skin, etc.

In the 1930's and 40's, the top resolutions had a lot more to do with character - being kinder or more truthful. I think that is a sad commentary on our world today. Everything is at the surface these days.

The other thing I have noticed is that Beauty is ALWAYS a woman/girl and the beast is always the guy. Why is that? I mean, couldn't a handsome man look past the exterior of a homely girl and see the beauty of character beneath? Is this a judgment on men's character somehow? I know men are much more visual creatures but they also have character and integrity. Makes you kind of go "hmmm."

And the last thing that hit me was that if the lesson to learn is that outward appearances don't matter, why does the beast always regain his former glory? I mean, if it isn't important, why make the beast look great again? Why is the reward, the thing that caused the problem in the first place? Is it like the bonus and if it IS the bonus, isn't that going against the entire lesson anyway?

I'm sure the makers of the movie I watched had no intention of sparking deep questions in viewers. In fact, I'm pretty sure of it! But it did make me wonder how much I look at a person's outward appearance and how much I look at the heart (although I can't possibly really know another person's heart but you know what I mean). How often do I allow first impressions to color my view of someone? I would hope I am not swayed by outward appearances but I'm sure that I am.

It also begs the question - how much am I wrapped up in MY outward appearance? Do I put too much emphasis on it? The Bible says that exercise, while good, is futile; that beauty too is fleeting. A lot of questions for an average movie.

~ Blessings, Bronte

ADDICTIONS

2011-03-09T06:13:00.001-08:00

I've been reading on fb several posts and blogs about various addictions to food, caffeine and the like. There was discussion about whether drinking coffee was wrong or energy drinks or processed foods. It gave me a lot of food for thought (no pun intended!).

It came down to this for me - all addictions are a symptom of a deeper problem. If I want to stuff my face with a Big Mac, most likely it is more than a taste for greasy, fried foods. It probably means I am upset or stressed or some other unpleasant, uncomfortable emotion.

The one thing that was mentioned was caffeine. Now I drink one or two cups of coffee each day. I enjoy my coffee. I've gone several days without it and not had an issue, but I miss it. But does that mean I'm addicted to it? I don't think so.

Paul said that all things were permissable but not all things were profitable. That means I am free to drink my coffee and enjoy it guilt free. However, if I start downing it by the gallon, am so jittery I can't sit still or have other negative side effects, I need to start looking not just at the coffee, but at WHY I am drinking all that ooffee.

Maybe the problem isn't the coffee at all. Maybe the problem is that I am want to please everyone so much I can't say no so I'm exhausted and am turning to coffee to perk me up. Maybe I worry so much that I can't sleep at night so I need coffee to wake me up. Maybe I have an unhealthy need for control so I have to be in charge of everything so I exhaust myself. See? It's not quite so simple as the coffee.

The bottom line is that if you have an addiction, you have a deeper issue. If you don't address that deeper issue and find a God-way to fill that hole, you will most likely replace one addiction for another.

I've seen this happen too and have been guilty of it myself. I get so into getting rid of my addiction that I start to become addicted to/put my faith in whatever I am using to get rid of the first addiction. For instance, I know people who are obsessed with what they eat - and they eat healthfully - but it is all they think about constantly. I see it in the Prevention magazine I get - "stop cancer forever;" "never have a heart attack," or "live forever." Last time I checked all that stuff isn't totally up to me.

We can get so caught up in the "answers", that instead of putting our faith in God, we put it in a diet or a lifestyle or whatever. Maybe that isn't a temptation for you, but it can be for me.

This is not to say that we should not use some discipline and make good food choices so we can be stewards of the health/body God gave us. For instance, if you are diabetic you should say, "Oh I have faith in God's sovereignty" and then go on a sugar binge.

My son and I are getting tested for gluten intolerance. If we ARE gluten intolerant, it would be wise to cut gluten out of our lives to feel better. But that doesn't mean no health catastrophe will never befall me either. I am called to be a good steward of my body, but I'm also called to trust in God's sovereignty rather than my own understanding.

"Trust the Lord with all your heart, and ean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path." Proverbs 3:5, 6

~ Blessings, Bronte

NO SHRINKING VIOLET

2011-03-08T08:06:00.000-08:00

Have you ever sought answers, but the more questions you asked, the more questions you had? That happened to me yesterday.

My youngest son, Brody, and I went to the allergist. The goal was to find out if we had food allergies since we both suffer from chronic stomach issues. Because we both have some seasonal allergies, I thought since we were there, we may as well have those done as well.

Well, 165 pokes and 2 hours later (did I mention I absolutely HATE needles???), I had an answer that begged more questions. Brody, apparently, is allergic to every plant that grows here in Northwest Ohio. I am allergic to fair number of them as well. Suddenly, instead of having an answer to a problem, I had another problem to deal with.

I would like to say that I dealt with this news in a serene, calm way, but unfortunately, I didn't. I am rather prone to overreacting. I also suffer from a guilt complex because I often feel as if all my health issues (which aren't really major, just chronic and joy-sucking at times) are a burden on our finances. It's not like my husband makes me feel that way, but what can I say? I am prone to feeling guilty. It's my nature.

So this morning I felt discouraged. Last week wasn't exactly stellar and now here we were with another health problem that was going to cost money. Again. Sigh. I started praying because honestly, who wants to be a whiney, complainer? I don't - although I'm guilty of that way more often than I want to admit! I told God how discouraged I felt and I really needed some kind of encouragement. I NEEDED Him to show up during my quiet time. I NEEDED a personal word from Him to help me to meet my circumstances with joy.

Now I realize that finding out you have severe seasonal allergies is not on par with truly horrendous news like cancer or a loved one dying. I realize that overall, I am truly blessed. But like pebbles piling up in a sack, my little things were weighing me down. I needed to know that God saw and understood and had a plan for me. I am a wimp by nature - what can I say?

Well, God made me laugh and cry this morning. I was doing my Jennifer Rothschild study, Fingerprints of God, and came across this verse. "Therefore do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying yet our inward man is being renewed day by day. For momentary light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory for beyond comparison." 2 Cor. 4:16,17

The NEXT verse I had to look up was, "But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves." 2 Cor. 4:7

I started crying because I was overwhelmed by God's goodness in meeting me right where I am at! Then I started laughing through my tears because how like God to use two verses that were SO OBVIOUS! The thing is I was so completely humbled and awed and grateful that God cares about my life and all the details of that life. It was just what I needed to BE encouraged and not weighed down.

The last verses in the study for today were sort of like that theme song in Rocky - I felt like I could FIGHT. I no longer felt like curling up in a ball and having a pity party. I no longer wanted to be a shrinking violet but a valiant warrior - a good soldier in my light affliction. I hope these verses sound as a fight song for you too!

"But my righteous one shall live by faith, and if he shrinks back My soul will have no pleasure in him. But we are not of thsoe who shrink back to destruction, but of those who have faith to the preserving of the soul." Heb. 10:38, 39

~ Blessings, Bronte

THANKFUL IN ALL THINGS

2011-03-03T13:12:00.000-08:00

Can I just be honest? March may have started off with a bang, but it wasn't in a good way. The bang, by the way, was quite real - I got in a car accident. To add insult to injury, I was cited in the accident (even though I really don't think it was my fault at all).

Because of the accident, I was over an hour late to my next set of interviews. So, instead of being able to have a nice cry, I had to be all adult and conduct interviews instead.

I got home just in time to make it to my doctor's appointment for yet another sore throat. Since I was all stressed out, my heart was beating erractically. It was so erratic that my doctor refused to let me leave unless I had an EKG. She said I could be in defib of some kind and have a heart attack or stroke on the way home. Yes, that kind of news is just the thing to get my heart to stop palpitating. Turns out, it was my normal weird heartbeat rhythm.

I got home and realized my editor wanted me to write a sidebar on the tradition of Lent. Um, okay. I felt rushed and stressed and my throat hurt!

It was just one of those no good, rotten, horrible days. But in the back of my mind, God's quiet whisper said, "Be thankful in all things." I was thinking, but didn't say, "You've got to be kidding me! This has been the worst day ever and I am sick again! What in the world is there to be thankful for???"

Then I remembered back to Sunday. We are doing a Bible study by Jennifer Rothschild called The Fingerprints of God. During this past session she told a story from the life of Corrie Ten Boom. For those of you who don't know, Corrie Ten Boom and her family were put in a concentration camp for hiding Jews during World War 2. Well, the barracks that Corrie and her sister were in were infested with fleas. It was awful as they were tormented continually, making sleep difficult.

Corrie heard her sister thanking God for the fleas and she had a hard time doing that and said so. Well, it turns out that those fleas were a gift from God - although an unusual one. They kept the guards out so none of the women were molested.

As I remembered that story, I looked back at the events of my no good, terrible day. Yes, I got cited but I wasn't hurt at all. I have major back and neck issues and it could have been a very bad thing for me, but it wasn't. My EKG was fine - there was nothing wrong with me that calming down and not drinking more caffeine wouldn't cure.

The more complicated my circumstances, the bigger God appears in them - if I let Him.

"Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all."

Even though it didn't feel like at the time, God's hand was on me and He DID deliver me. Realizing that, I could be "thankful in all things."

~ Blessings, Bronte

STORYTELLING

2011-02-21T17:48:00.000-08:00

I think I started telling stories out of self-preservation. When I went to school, there was none of this "if it's below freezing you stay inside for recess." We went out - no matter how cold it was. So often, we girls would huddle by the wall in a clump, trying to stay warm.

I found a way to be in the center of the huddle - always warm. I would tell stories. Like Shehazarade, I kept the other girls grouped around me while I, with my back to the wall and warm bodies surrounding me, kept the cold at bay by spinning tales.

For as long as I can remember, I've loved to read - didn't matter what type of story, it would pull me in. I love stories still - whether books or movies - I can find myself walking by the kids' movie and end up standing there with dust rag or folded laundry forgotten in my hands as I get pulled into the story.

Maybe this is why I've always wanted to write - the true joy of a good tale. Let's face it, for a very long time in human history, story was the way that history, morals, and lessons took place. A mother could tell her child not to wander in the woods alone because it was dangerous, but how much more effective to share the story of Hansel and Gretel to get the point across?

Even Jesus shared truths wrapped up in stories. Who of us who have gotten off the path can forget the power of the Prodigal Son? The word picture of the seeds thrown on different types of ground has us vowing not to be the hard or thorny ground.

Stories have power. Stories reach us when plain facts or statistics never will. How many times have you heard about the poor and hungry children in other countries, but ah, when you put a face and an individual child's story with those facts and statistics, suddenly our hearts are engaged.

Growing up, the fictional people in my life had great influence over me. I loved the series Anne of Green Gables and Anne was a guiding light in my teenage years. She kept me from doing things I might have otherwise tried but for the fact, "that wasn't something Anne would do!"

I suppose that is why I have the desire to write not just things like Bible studies or articles for a newspaper - I want to help people. And let's face, a story can deliver a lesson -while we are entertained and enthralled - in a way no straight forward lecture ever can.

After a busy few months taken up with learning two news jobs and dealing with illness and a variety of other things, I have decided to get serious about writing. Since a workshop or conference are out of the budget, I am doing my own version. For 90 minutes every day, I will do a lesson out of two different books to hone my craft. I have the germ of a story idea and I hope through these lessons to get things rolling. Maybe some day, the people I create will help someone else along their way.

As they say, "The pen IS mightier than the sword."
~ Blessings, Bronte

CHOSEN AND LOVED

2011-02-20T09:12:00.001-08:00

When I was in kindergarten, I had this friend named Emily. Emily wasn't always the nicest of little girls. For instance, she invited me over to her house and then spent the entire visit hiding under the bed - not exactly a playdate success. She could also say some mean things once in a while. I remember one day we were playing on recess and for whatever reason (I can't remember now), Emily was mad at me. Since she was a little girl and not a little boy, she decided to take a verbal swing at me.

I was adopted and Emily knew this. She lifted her little chin, looked down her button nose at me and said, "Your mommy and daddy didn't want you."

Not cowed in the least, I narrowed my eyes, stuck my face within an inch of hers and informed her, "MY parents chose me; yours were stuck with you!" And off I flounced, leaving little Emily standing on the playground.

For some kids, a comment like that would have been devastating, but it didn't hurt me at all. Why is that, you might ask. It was because, even at the tender age of five, I knew who I belonged to and that I was loved, and because of that knowledge I knew who I was and was confident in that. For me, being adopted was never a cause for angst because I saw it not as being rejected by someone, but as being chosen by someone.

In our spiritual lives, the Bible says that we were "predestined for adoption." In those tmes, when a child was adopted, all the legal rights associated with a child born into the family were given to the adopted child.

How many of us live as if we are not quite sure of our place in God's family? I know I am guilty of times like living as a guest and not a true family member, with all rights, priveleges and powers that being a child of God entails.

Over and over again this year, through Bible studies and teachings that I hear, I am impressed by the importance to really KNOW who I am in Christ and then to choose to believe that truth, no matter how I happen to be feeling that day. That means, I'm a princess whether I am having a good hair day or not!

Below are just a few things that God says in His Word are true about one of His children. I hope they bless you and amaze you as much as they did me this week.

* Part of the true vine (John 15:1-2)
* Receive every spiritual blessing in the heavently places (Eph. 1:6)
* God will complete a good work in you (Phil. 1:6)
* Member of Christ's body (I Cor. 12:27)
* Free from condemnation (Rom. 8:31)
* Can't be seperated from God's love (Rom.8:32-39)
* Light in the world (Matt. 5:14)
* Hidden in Christ (Col. 3:1-4)
* Born of God and Satan cannot touch me (I John 5:18)
* Christ's friend (John 15:15)
* Redeemed and forgiven (Eph. 1:3)
* Given the mind of Christ (I Cor. 2:16)
* Made alive with Chris (Eph. 2:5)
* Child of God (I John 3:1,2)

There are many more things we are as children of God than this, but I hope these few encourage you.
~ Blessings, Bronte

GOT FEAR? THINK TRUTH!

2011-02-14T16:50:00.001-08:00

This past Sunday, I spent most of the service talking to a friend of mine. We hit a lot of topics and the time went by so quickly, both of us were surprised when people started leaving and we realized church was over! Whoops!

One of the things she told me was that her husband had read or listened online to someone saying that in only a few years time, our U.S. economy would collapse and we all need to be ready to survive when that happens.

I don't know about you, but disaster scenerios tend to make me feel panicky. I feel very vulnerable because I live in the city and our home and property are not necessarily conducive to "living off the land." Unless, by living off the land, you mean killing squirrels with a shovel and cooking them on our gas grill.

Add to this, I really don't have a lot of "Little House on the Prairie" type of skills. I'm lucky if I can get a button sewn on straight. If I tried to can anything, I'd probably poison all of us! I am a city girl and sort of wimp, to tell the truth.

My problem is I have a very active imagination though, so I can leap frog rather quickly from a possibility to a worst-case scenerio in a matter of seconds.

I left church feeling a bit shaky, picturing the kids trying to kill squirrels with rocks and wondering how I would skin and cook the things anyway! See? Overactive imagination at work! I pushed the idea out of my mind. But I could still feel my fears breathing down my neck. I tried to act like they weren't there, but I wasn't fooling anyone.

Now, don't get me wrong. It's important to have some emergency precautions taken care of. I mean, if the power goes out, it's a good idea to have some flashlights or candles and maybe a battery-powered radio. It's probably a good idea to have some extra food on hand.

But for me, fear is something that is always ready to be my companion. It is just waiting for the least little invitation to come barging into my life and make itself at home.

Let's face it, the old U.S.A. isn't in the best shape these days. As time goes by, we DO get closer to the end times, too. I don't know what those will look like but my guess is it won't be all roses and daisies. Even though I believe in the Rapture, that doesn't mean it might not get kind of bad before it happens. World events can seem scary and make us feel vulnerable and frightened.

It's would be easy for me to start piling up toilet paper and toothe paste; to stock up on first aid supplies and extra water. I'm not saying that it is necessarily bad to do a little preparing, BUT it I have to be careful NOT to put my faith in the stockpile.

Eventually, even the best stocked emergency pile will run out. When we put our faith in things of this earth, we will be eventually disappointed and we are still vulnerable.

As I was praying about this, God brought to mind Phil. 4:6-8, particularly the last part of that. "Finally brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, think on these things."

The part that caught my attention was "whatever is true." It IS true that the world can be a scary place - disasters, illness, tragedies, ugliness in all forms are all around us. But it is also true that THIS is not our home. We have something much greater waiting for us AND we have Someone much bigger on our side.

It is also true that God has made some promises to us to calm our fears, to reassure us that He cares, He sees us and we have no reason to worry or be anxious about anything - even the end of the world as we know it.

"My God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:19

"Do not worry then, saying "What will we eat?" or "What will we drink?" or "What will we wear for clothing?" For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you." Matt. 6:31-33

Whatever the future brings, as long as I have my God, my emergency kit is full!
~ Blessings, Bronte

TRAINING GROUNDS

2011-02-04T06:02:00.001-08:00

I'll be honest - this has been a very hard few weeks. It sort of culminated last Thursday night as I passed the night hours wide awake, fretting and worrying about all I needed to get done the next day.

You'd think after three days at home, I'd be all caught up and relaxed. But I wasn't. I'd been fighting a very bad cold all week, and while I was exceedingly grateful for the three days of rest, I didn't get a whole lot done.

So last Thursday about 3 a.m. (how cliched is that? lol) I woke up since my cold meds had worn off, and my nose was all stuffed up and my cough had started up again. I trotted out to the kitchen to get some medicine and something hot to drink.

Just as I started to climb back into bed, the dog started whining. Now, those of you who know me, know I love my dog. But I have to admit, I wasn't feeling the love as I stuffed my feet back into my slippers and let him outside, shivering in the laundry room. I was feeling even LESS love when I let him back in and realized why he needed to make a middle of the night potty stop. Doggy diarrhea. Did I mention my dog has a lot of long hair? Yeah - yuck!

I climbed back into bed. As I laid there, the reel of things I needed to get done started running through my head. Anxiety piled onto worry onto fretting. Why does it seem somehow more desperate and difficult in the middle of the night? Maybe because it seems like you are the only one awake anywhere. Meanwhile, my dear husband snored on.

After tossing and turning for another hour, I just started to drift off to sleep when my husband's alarm went off. Fifteen minutes later, the phone rang announcing a school delay. Some 40 minutes after that, my husband's alarm went off AGAIN, just as I started to doze AGAIN. And yes, I felt a little bitter about it at that point.

It wasn't until several hours later, after I dragged myself out of bed, gotten the kids off to school and sat down with a cup of coffee and my Bible that I figured out something.

Ever since I started writing my column in our local paper, things have been hard. I haven't had this many viruses right in a row since my youngest son was a baby (and he'll be 10 yo in June!). Discouragement, weariness, anxiety - all these things have dogged my steps in the five or so weeks since I started.

I hesitate to say this because somehow it feels sort of puffed up and prideful or something, but it began to occur to me that maybe, just maybe, I might be under spiritual attack. Suddenly, the past weeks seemed different to me - like a training ground. In the movie screen in my head, I heard the clash of steel swords against heavy shields. I saw soldiers sweating and grunting and working at learning how to defend and parry blows.

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against spiritual forces and wickedness in the heavenly places." ~ Ephesians 6:12

My weeks of difficulty were not just happenstance. But still I was hesitant to label what I had experienced spiritual warfare. That seemed something reserved more for people who were in "real" ministry. Writing a weekly story in a small local newspaper hardly seemed worthy of any kind of attack.

As I closed up my quiet time with God, I got out my notecards. I am trying to memorize Scripture. Not being as young as I once was, this is a challenge - not only to memorize it in the first place, but then to keep it memorized. It had been a little while since I got out my latest project - Isaiah 61.

This passage had called out to me to be memorized back in December. I don't even remember how I came across it again, but that is how it is - a passage will speak to me and I know I need to get out my notecards and start memorizing.

The first verse in the passage is, "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the afflicted; He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to captives and freedom to prisoners."

As I read this verse, it just hit me over the head like a ton of bricks. THAT is what God has called ME to do. It was the word "news" that drew my attention like a magnet. The stories I write, the things I cover ARE to bring good news to people. I am hoping and praying that they DO set people free and help the brokenhearted. I hesitate to even type that because it sounds sort of conceited, but in reality, it is very humbling.

Ever since I was a little girl, I've wanted to write. I've loved stories and words as far back as I can remember. The reason is because things I have read have helped me, and I have always wanted to do that for other people - whether that was a good fiction story or an article. To think, something that brings me great joy in doing could help someone else, could be something God was using to help others, it just sort of blows my mind.

I'll close out with this quote I found while studying for my Sunday school class lesson in Romans 12 by F.B. Meyer. "It is urgently needful that hte church understands it is not a company of invalids that need to be cossetted and nursed and handfed with the senior pastor being seen as the head physician and chief nurse. But we need to see ourselves as a tough, capable garret of soldiers in enemy territory - each with an assignment to do."

~ Blessings, Bronte

SHUT UP AND LISTEN

2011-01-26T05:30:00.000-08:00

No, I'm not talking to my readers. I'm talking to myself. I am in the process of reading Job. I am between Bible studies and when I am between Bible studies, I work on continuing to read through the Bible.

To be honest, I haven't been looking forward to Job. It's not a very cheerful book, and quite frankly, I find it difficult to understand. It seems like nothing so much as the story of a shooting match between God and Satan, almost like Satan goaded God into action.

Part of the problem is that I have never lived in the times of kings, nor is the culture I'm surrounded in very conducive to the old idea of a king's champion. The culture I live in basically is very individualistic - look out for yourself and your family. It's hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that all that happened to Job was to prove to Satan (and maybe Job himself) how faithful he was to God- no matter what. That seems rather unfair to me - here, since you are so faithful, I'll take everything away from you to prove how faithful you are. I know it was a huge compliment to Job, but I can't help thinking, please don't compliment me that way.

The thing I have noticed so far in Job is that, for a man suffering as much he is, Job sure does talk a lot. He goes on several chapters at a time, and he speaks very eloquently in verses and metaphors. Honestly, if all my children had been killed, all my wealth destroyed and I was covered in boils, I'm not sure I could articulate a sentence, nevermind string together several chapters worth of verse.

And his friends - man, with friends like those who needs enemies? I suppose you can hardly blame them. Nobody had that much calamity unless they were very wicked, at least that was the theory. It was sort of the golden rule of the day - do what you are supposed to and be blessed; be wicked and watch out. (come to think of it, we sort of have that mindset too, don't we?)

The first few days, they just sat with Job, suffered with him in silence. But then, apparently, they couldn't keep quiet anymore and they began to speak. And speak and speak and speak. What happened to conversation? These are a series of monologues, each more self-important and self-righteous than the last.

Elihu, the youngest of the bunch, held his tongue until the end, but when he got going - whew- 6 chapters and 157 verses worth of telling Job what he thinks. I think a good lesson to learn from Job is to shut up and listen already.

I know, I tend to want to jump in and give solutions or information to fix a problem. A lot of times, when someone is hurting, they don't need me to fix it for them or to tell them what they are or are not doing right. They just want someone to listen, to hug them, to pray with them. It's a good lesson to relearn - the more we talk, the more chances we have of putting our foot in it.

As Proverbs 18:28 says, "Even a fool, when he keeps silent, is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is considered prudent."

May I not be a fool and learn to just shut up and listen for a change!
~ Blessings, Bronte

PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT

2011-01-23T19:20:00.000-08:00

Over the past months, God has been taking me on a journey to set me completely free. After all, Christ said He came to make me (and you) free indeed. He also said the truth will set us free.

But what is the truth? How does that set me free? It all started when God gave me the courage to feel my feelings. For a long time, I was afraid to feel anything negative, especially anger. It felt wrong to me so I just stuffed it all down - preferably with either a cheeseburger or some type of dessert.

After I began to feel my feelings (what an interesting ride THAT was), God showed me that while feelings are real, they are NOT always true. I'm a woman - therefore, I feel and feel and feel and feel. In the course of one day, I could go from the top of the mountain to the mud puddle in the bottom of the valley. If I relied on my feelings as a truth gage, I'd be in pretty sad shape.

While I don't believe you can always control what you feel - for instance, the guy who cuts you off in traffic is probably going to inspire a spurt of anger - I have always believed we have a choice of what we do with those feelings. So, I began to learn to take them to God. It's made our relationship so much more intimate because you can't give Him your feelings in all their raw form without being vulnerable and open. I figured since David had all those Psalms doing just that, I was at least in good company.

But then God started showing me something recently. Yes, our emotions are real and are not always true, but we are not a slave to our emotions. We don't have to exist on some kind of wild rollercoaster. What I think about, what I dwell on - that has a very direct and heavy influence on what I feel.

As I said, being a woman and being who I am, I will always be a somewhat emotional person. I will probably always cry during disney movies (don't tell!). Other people's pain will have me tearing up. Looking at my sons' little tiny baby outfits will have me sniffling. But I don't have to be at the mercy of feeling up and down all the time.

How? By dwelling on truth. I don't know about you but I spend a lot of time talking to myself - not always out loud. Of course, that is another good reason to have a dog - people think you are talking to it and not yourself! lol But we spend a lot of time with a sound track going on in our heads, at least I do.

I need to make sure that sound track is truth. The verse God gave me almost a year ago now talks about not looking behind or pondering the past so I don't miss the new thing He will do in the future. The truth is, I can miss the blessings of today by rehearsing the hurts and pains of the past if I am not careful. Jesus wants the truth to set us free, but first we have to know what that truth is. We need to memorize it and know it and meditate on it, so THAT becomes the sound track in our head.

Let's face it, the world at large has an auto pilot of easy listening for us. We have to be purposeful about replacing it with God's truth.

I used to make a long list of New Year's Goals. I'd have categories and everything. The last couple years though, God has sort of just given me a theme or general goal to go with. For 2011, it is to know exactly who I am in Christ and then choose to believe it, even if I'm not feelin' it that day or moment. I pray that God gives you truth that will set you free this year too.

~ Blessings, Bronte

GOD ENCOUNTERS OF THE SWEET KIND

2011-01-20T08:44:00.000-08:00

I don't know about you, but God seems to bring just the right people into my life at just the right time - chance encounters that really don't have a thing to do with chance.

It's been a rough couple weeks. Last week, I woke up at 3 a.m. with the worst sore throat. I never get sore throats, so in desperation, I practically OD'd on airborne. It helped but I was still dragging all week. The long weekend came, and I took the opportunity to rest up. Then this past Monday morning, I woke up at 4 a.m. with the stomach flu. Oh joy. I mean, really??? I spent the Monday holiday miserable and in self-imposed quarantine (so far, nobody else has caught it - keep praying that they don't!!).

Meanwhile, I had deadlines to meet and work to go to. I called off of work on Monday, and was immensely grateful for Tuesday to get myself back to normal (well, relatively speaking). On Wednesday morning, I had a list of things to do before I left for work and was feeling a tad bit frantic. The kids had a snow day which usually calls for fun but that day felt like a major fly in the ointment of my to-do list.

I went out to walk the dog, to calm down, to talk to God. Honestly, I think God gave me my dog for the express purpose that I have to walk him and that gives me time to clear my mind and refocus. Hey, God used a donkey to talk to Balaam. So, as I was praying, I gave over my anxieties to God, my stress of two jobs and a third one that was due this past week, of being sick and all of that.

It still isn't automatic, but God is teaching me (and I will admit to being a somewhat slow student) to practice Phil. 4:8,9. To not just recite the verses but to put them into practice. I got home in a much better frame of mind and found out I didn't have to go to work! I practically jumped for joy that I got to stay off of slick roads and got a chance just to get caught up. It was truly a blessing.

Today, I had an interview scheduled with a lady who for no other reason than God told her to, went to Africa. What a wonderful time of blessing to not just interview her but talk to her and share her excitement for what God does in our lives. She prayed with me when she got there and when she left - I still get all excited sometimes and forget to start things with prayer (keep repeating to self - am a work in progress). I felt like God had visited in our time together. I felt so refreshed and energized after our time together and some of the things she said were just affirmations to things God had been showing me.

What really blew me away, though, was that God used me to encourage her. Apparently, the timing of my call for the interview gave her encouragement that she was to keep on with what she is doing. It gave me chills to know that something I did was used by God so somebody else could keep doing what He called them to do.

It reminded me strongly of the verses I've been studying for Sunday school - about how we are all individuals with individual callings yet we are all one body and apart of each other. Isn't that awesome?

I really can't wait to see what God will do in 2011.
~ Blessings, Bronte

UNEXPECTED BLESSINGS

2011-01-15T11:01:00.000-08:00

I was preparing for my Bible lesson for this week's Sunday School class - Romans 12: 3-8. Talk about feeling a bit over my head. After studying, I decided to look up some commentaries because I wanted to be sure I wasn't out in left field or anything. After looking at the list of writings, all with impressive credentials, I felt sort of out of my league.

Normally, I use the NASB version of the Bible - it's my favorite. My oldest son, Brock, uses a KJV. That is his favorite. Anyway, I picked up his study Bibe and flipped it open to the appropriate passage so I could use my Strong's Concordance to look up some of the words in the original Greek.

Imagine my surprise to see the very verse I was looking for underlined all ready. For some reason, it brought tears to my eyes. I think it is because I can see how Brock tries to live out those verses in his own life.

As someone who doesn't describe herself a necessarily maternal, I often feel overwhelmed and out of my league in the job of mothering. I also realize that I can only do so much - I can teach and guide and disciple - but then my sons have to pick that up and keep carrying it with them. It struck me rather forcefully not that long ago, that at 12 years old, most of my direct parenting is over. From now on, my control will get looser allowing Brock to make his own choices and sometimes mistakes.

It was a huge, very unexpected blessing to me to see how God is working in my son's life, to know that God is answering my prayers that my boys love His Word. I'm sure that both Brock and Brody will have rough patches and fall down on this journey into adulthood, but if they keep loving the Word, they can't go too far wrong.

Isn't it so good of God to give us encouragement along the way? I know I am so thankful for this unexpected blessing He showed me!

~ Blessings, Bronte

JUST KEEP SWIMMING

2011-01-07T05:50:00.001-08:00

It's been a while now since Finding Nemo came out, but my favorite character in that movie was always Dory. She was a fish with short-term memory loss, yet she was cheerful and encouraging - even if she couldn't remember who you were. One of the little things she would sing in a tough spot was, "just keep swimming, swimming, swimming."

I'm afraid I tend to be a bit more like the dad in Finding Nemo - sort of grounchy at times and always looking at the worst-case scenerio, ready to give up. Without Dory, I doubt Nemo's dad would have found him.

This has been a somewhat tough week. I pray for things. God answers my prayers and I expect things to be easy after that. But they aren't all the time. Sometimes, the answer to our prayer is actually hard and difficult. That is what I am finding out this week - the week I started writing for the newspaper. Nothing has gone smoothly.

But God didn't call me to easy - He called me to perservere and He called me to excellence. It's funny (well, I should really expect it by now), that this week, the final week of my character make-over Bible study, is the trait of perserverece. How ironic - how totally God's timing. I can almost hear Him chuckle and see Him give me a wink.

To be honest, I approached this difficulty with my auto pilot response - which is to whine and complain. This is hard. So and so is being difficult. Why can't anything go right? (can you hear the whiney tone?) Today in my quiet time though, God gently showed me that difficulty is not always a bad thing. Sometimes, He even orchestrates it for our good.

The author challenged the reader to think of a difficult thing in their lives at the moment (it only took me a second!) and to think of three things I am learning or could learn through that circumstance. It was pretty easy to see the glaring lessons that I can learn through this.

The first is patience - patience with others. This led me back to my week on generosity. I need to be generous with my patience towards other people. Generous in giving them the benefit of the doubt. Generous in reassurance.

The second lesson is humility - humility in that I still have a lot to learn. Yes, I take pride in my craft of writing, but that doesn't mean I don't have a lot to learn and improve upon. This took me back to my very first week of study. Pride is something I think I will always have to be on the lookout for in my life. It can creep in so very easily in unlooked for places. It is hard to have to "prove" myself when I feel I should be past that at this point in my life, but I can either chafe against it or look at it as a challenge to live up to.

Finally, the third lesson I can learn is diligence to detail. It's not enough to just do enough. I need to push myself to excellence. I have the unique opportunity to help people - both those reading and those I write about - through my weekly religion column. I need to be sure that all the details are in place, that each sentence is polished to a shine. I need to push myself to interview more people than I think necessary to give each article depth, not just width.

I am not much of a perseverer by nature. I tend to give up and quit far too easily. God is teaching me that the easy path is not always the best path to take. Some great things in my life are hard and require work and diligence and yes, perserverence. Parenting comes to mind. :) The following quote in this study brought me up short. I think we put stock in things like talent or education when those are really just tools, not the actual answer. I realize that just "pressing on" in our own strength won't do it either. We have press on with Jesus, but the idea behind the quote really spoke to me. I hope it speaks to you, too.

"Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful individuals with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. The slogan "Press on" has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race." ~ Calvin Coolidge, 30th president of the U.S.

May you and I continue to "press on."
~ Blessings, Bronte

WELCOME 2011!!!!!

2011-01-02T17:10:00.001-08:00

Okay, it's been a busy couple weeks here with Christmas and New Year's, but tomorrow school starts, so the normal routine will click back into place. I thought I'd take a moment out and welcome the new year.

Looking back on 2010, it was one of the hardest yet most blessed years of my life. God has taught me so much. I remember back in January of last year wondering if things would ever change, and boy, have they ever. Some of those changes didn't seem too great at first, but I can see God's hand even in the hard and painful things.

I can't get over all the answered prayers and very cool ways God has worked in my life. It sort of blows me away. I have no idea what 2011 holds, but I know that God holds me, so I don't need to worry about it. :)

This week will be my final week with my Character Makeover Bible study. The past two weeks have been "Contentment" and "Generosity" which I thought rather interesting during this time of year. I love it when God is ironic. :) Contentment has been something I've struggled with over the years - not money and stuff, but where I am and what I am doing or not doing as the case may be.

But generosity and greed were not things I really thought I struggled with all that much. Quite honestly, while I think I could be a better giver (don't we all?), I don't really envy people their big houses or their stuff. We'll drive by some big mansion and my kids will say "Wow, what a cool house." My thought is that I'd really not want to have to clean that monster! lol Bigger houses and more stuff just mean more stress - to me anyway. I'm not saying I don't have things I'd like to have (a laptop computer comes to mind) but they are just that - wants. I'm fully aware of how blessed we are financially compared to the rest of the world.

However, God hit me with a 2x4 this week about greed and generosity in a way I never had thought about before. I have always equated greed and generosity to be about money and stuff. But it isn't always. We can be greedy about our time, our youth, others approval, and a wide variety of things that have nothing to do with money or possessions. On the flip side, we can be very stingy with things like compassion, mercy, grace or just giving people some slack already.

When I was reading about what we think we really want will actually bring us, a light bulb came on for me. I am greedy for approval. Being a people-pleaser is something I have struggled with for most of my adult life. I don't think it is a bad thing to be kind and want others to be happy, but when you get greedy for it, when you crave it, it can be a real problem. In that list I mentioned before, the thing that stood out to me was that I thought approval would bring me happiness and self-worth.

The truth is the only person's approval I NEED is God's, and I got that the moment I accepted Christ as my Savior. See, that is another thing that struck me this week - God approves of me - who I am. Yes, I sin and He doesn't approve of everything that I DO, but sinning is what I do, NOT who I am. Because Christ's righteousness is imputed to me, when God looks at me, He sees someone who has been made whole and righteous. I'm a saint. People who know me might be falling off their chairs laughing right now, but I didn't say it - God did.

This leaves me free to be kind and loving to others without expecting anything in return. It is a completely freeing and wonderful feeling. Every year, I come up with a "theme" for the year. This year's might very well be the name of this blog - Free Indeed and living like it!

~ Blessings in 2011, Bronte

GOD DELIGHTS IN US!

2010-12-21T12:58:00.000-08:00

God recently answered a pretty substantial prayer request of mine - He just blessed my socks off. I am in awe of how good He is to me - how patient and gracious.

When I read about the Israelites, I always get a bit impatient with them. It seems God does something big for them, and it is not a week later and they face a similar situation, and they start whining again and want to go back to Egypt - imagine whining about wanting to go back to being a slave. Imagine forgetting that only a few days before God had miraculously provided water or food or deliverance from an enemy.

But am I any different? I could fill a book with all that God has done for me and my family in just the past few years. If I wrote down all His blessings to me, I'm sure it would be pages and pages - in fact, I have quite a few of them recorded in my journal just to remind me.

Isn't it interesting that in Old Testament times, God often had His people build an alter or some other kind of remembrance of His goodness. You wouldn't think they'd forget something like the parting of the Red Sea, but it was only a few days later that they were freaking out at Mara with the bitter waters sure they were going to die of thirst.

God has provided for us in numerous ways over the years. Not just monetarily either, but that way too. I recently had found out that I was going to have a large-for-us medical expense that would be long term, and I knew I had a choice. I didn't FEEL like trusting God. I actually felt like completely wigging out, but I grasped onto God's hand and said, "Okay, I'm going to choose to believe that You will provide for this, but remind me when those feelings start welling up!"

I really had no way of knowing how God would provide. Well, the answer came through work. God was providing not just what was needed but over and above that too!!! It all started when I obediently stepped into the unknown this summer by quitting my job. Without that first step of obedience, God could not have blessed me with my job that will start in January. He reminded me of that too - "See what happens when you actually listen and trust me?" It's sort of embarrassing how often I need to be reminded though, but maybe, just maybe, I'm "getting" it.

The bottom line is I really don't have to worry because the God of the universe has my back. When He is my corner who can be against me? What do I have to fear? He will provide all my needs from HIS RICHES, not just the leftovers. He delights in me and every good thing I have comes from Him. He also works ALL things for my good if I let Him.

He sure has showed me recently the truth of this verse, "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They will mount up with wings as eagles; they will rest and not be weary; they will walk and not faint."

So, if you are facing "bitter waters", hang on because God WANTS to refresh you with His clear, sweet water in His time.
~ Blessings, Bronte

FINDING MY STRIDE

2010-12-14T07:35:00.000-08:00

You know those people who after about a week of vacation say, "This as nice but I'm ready to head back home and get back to work"? I'm not one of them. I could be on vacation for a whole year and still not be tired of it. I LIKE lazing around and having fun. My husband is the opposite - too much relaxation and he starts to get twitchy.

The truth is I am, by nature, inclined to be lazy. On my best days, I am a slow mover. I am not a morning person, so as much as I wish I could leap out of bed and hit the ground running, it just doesn't happen. I get out of bed, but it is more of creaking to an upright position and then shuffling down the hallway - especially when it is cold out!

Of course, as a wife, a mom, plus the other things I do, I can't laze around all day. I have to get things done. So, I have at to-do list. If I didn't have a list of things I needed to get done each day, I'd probably wander around in circles and putter my day away, not getting anything accomplished.

Maybe this is why I always seem to feel slightly guilty - like I am never doing enough or doing it fast enough. Almost every day I think "I should have gotten up earlier," or "I should be going faster than this or have more done by now!"

God is teaching me though that my pace is okay. It's okay not to be speedy gonzales or the energizer bunny. Slow and steady does win the race - eventually.

This week, my Bible study characteristic is patience. You may be wondering how my guilt complex over not doing enough or doing it fast enough ties in to patience. Here's how - today's lesson was about patience with other people.

At the risk of sounding self-righteous, I am usually pretty patient with people. Normally, I am not one to be easily offended. I don't automatically assume that the person with foot in mouth disease is intentionlly trying to hurt my feelings. Even if it does seem intentional, I really do try to understand WHY the person is acting or speaking that way. It is the way I have compassion and can then be gracious.

Not that I am perfect. I can certainly get angry with people and I can hold a grudge - particularly if you hurt one of my loved ones. And don't even think about messing with my kids! lol But overall, patience with people is not usually something I struggle with.

EXCEPT in two incidences - when I am completely hormonal (better known as pms) or if I am super stressed because I feel overwhelmed by my to-do list. The first, I just know that my feelings are hormonally induced so I just try to not talk that day or two! lol

But the other, I have control over. Generally speaking, the actual things I absolutely have to do are not all that overwhelming. BUT, the pressure I put on myself to do this and that and the other, can make me into a frazzled mess. Not to mention, my bad habit of procrastinating until it DOES become a time crunch, thus making me stressed out. This makes me much more likely to be impatient with someone and snap at them, or worse, just not want to have to deal with them at all. Not a very loving attitude is it?

I would love to say that I love others so much that my list of to-dos takes a backseat when I see someone in need, but that's just not true. Too often, I sigh to myself and feel resentful or annoyed that someone is taking up my valuable time when I have things to do! But if you look at Jesus in the Gospels, He always had time for people. And let's face it, if anyone had a short time table, it was Jesus. Just three years for His earthly ministry, but you never see Him portrayed as frantically rushing anywhere.

I want to be like that - gracious and kind; not frazzled and irritable. But to do that, I need to do two things - take a close look at how I AM spending my time and then ditch the false guilt. As I said, my natural inclination is to putter and procrastinate, and laziness is not too much of a stretch for me. So, I need to look at how I am spending my time to see if I am using it wisely. If I am, then I need to get rid of that guilty sense of "do more and do it faster." Satan would love for me to always feels so frazzled that I never have time for anyone or anything BUT my to-do list.

But God has a different plan. After all, "God is not the author of confusion but of peace." I Cor. 14:33 Together, God and I are finding my stride - productive but not stressed out so I can be gracious to those around me.

~ Blessings, Bronte

I JUST DON'T HAVE ENOUGH!

2010-12-06T06:15:00.001-08:00

Self-control, that is. That is this week's character attribute. To be honest, I've been kind of dreading this week since I started. This is an area that I struggle with A LOT!

It seems all my struggles with self-control center on my mouth. At one time, I couldn't control what I put INTO my mouth. I stuffed food in there to numb any negative feelings I might have. My scale will tell you just how many feelings I stuffed down and for how long!

God has done a real work in my life in regards to my food addictions. I still have days that I eat too much or get unbalanced. It's easy to do this time of year. But overall, I no longer am driven to eat. Usually when I start feeling that I want to eat everything not nailed down, that is a signal to me that I am feeling something uncomfortable that I don't want to deal with like anxiety or fear or worry or anger over something. Even though some feelings can be a little overwhelming at times, I am so thankful that God has set me free from that numb person I used to be.

I still have trouble with my mouth though, but these days, it is what comes OUT of it that is the problem! I am a verbal person. Ask anyone who knows me and you will probably hear that I am a talker. Being a writer, words are my medium. Like an artist with his clay or charcoals, words are how I process things, how I discover things, how I work through what I really believe and why. I am the typical think-out-loud type. And yes, I will admit it here, I do talk to myself. I pretend I'm talking to the dog so nobody will think I am crazy if they overhear me. lol

There are two sides of this coin that I struggle with - on the one hand, it seems so much truth is swept under the carpet for the sake of appearances or putting on a show. I despise fakeness so I tend to "let it all hang out", but sometimes, I let too much hang out. I have to remember that in my quest to be "real", there are others in my life - people I love and I am close to - who are NOT "let it all hang out" types. I can never let MY honesty become THEIR embarrassment. It's a hard line to find - sharing but not hurting my loved ones in the process.

Then there is the processing I do. I am one of those people that need to talk things through. However, this can shade into the area of gossip if I'm not careful. I'm not saying I am above gossip - sharing juicy tidbits just for the sake of sharing them or talking about someone in a negative way. Generally though, when I stray into gossip, it is inadvertant because I am trying to work something through in my own mind.

The Bible has a lot to say on the topic of what comes out of our mouths. Two verses though have stood out to me as I have been praying about this area- the truth will set you free and what comes out of our mouths is the overflow of our hearts. I think they address both areas that I struggle in too. Truth is important. I personally believe that we have way too many passive-aggressive people in our churches - people who smile and say, "Oh everything is fine," but inside sort of seethe and fester about perceived wrongs, or they don't want to let their mask of perfection slip. What would people say if they knew whatever it is that is causing them shame?

However, truth spoken has to have the right motivation. This is where the second verse comes into play. What is in our hearts comes out of our mouths eventually. We may try to hold it in, but eventually it will burst out - usually spilling ugliness on anyone unlucky enough to be in the vicinity. Maybe you have never done this, but I will confess that recently I found myself talking about someone in a not too nice way. I knew immediately after this conversation that I was wrong - motivation was wrong, the way I said it was wrong, even just saying it was wrong. As I repented in tears, I vented my frustration with God. "Why do I keep saying what I shouldn't? Why can't I just shut up already?"

God, who is always gracious to show us truth and the right way when we ask, impressed on me that it was my heart that was the issue, not my mouth. My words, just like my eating used to be, were a symptom of a deeper problem. The person I had talked about had hurt me by her actions. In truth, I was upset with her but had never confronted her about it, so what came out of my mouth eventually wasn't too nice. I had a choice at that point - I could confront her with the truth or I could let it go. I decided to let it go because really, it wasn't that big of a deal. I'd just gotten my panties in a wad over something minor. But I had to address it, deal with it and move on; otherwise, I was in danger of spilling ugly words again.

The truth is I want my words to encourage others. I want my thoughts and speech to please God. But as Paul says I often don't do what I want to do; and do what I don't want to do. So this week, I will start praying a few verses that deal with my mouth.

"Let the meditations of my heart be acceptable in your sight; O Lord, my rock and my Redeemer." Psalme 19:14

"Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep a watch over the door of my lips." Psalms 141:3

"Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in right circumstances." Proverbs 25:11

I'm praying that the words that come out of my mouth will please God and uplift others. Fortunately, I serve a God of miracles! :)
~ Blessings, Bronte

IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS

2010-12-04T18:36:00.000-08:00

Supposedly, I have a decent IQ which is why I wonder why it is the simple truths that seem to take me so long to really "get." I am doing this 40 Day Character Makeover. It has been interesting yet painful, too.

One thing that I was feeling so much of was guilt - guilt for not doing more or getting started in the morning sooner or excercising the way I should or, well, you fill in the blank. I spent many if not most days, totally wound up about what I WASN'T doing even as I was tackling some other task.

It was about a week before Thanksgiving when I was frantically scurrying around the house cleaning and feeling guilty because I wasn't writing that it was like God smacked me upside the head. Why in the world was I feeling guilty for cleaning my house? Then later the same day, I was packing my son's lunch and it struck me with full force that THIS was a ministry. This was important. Packing a lunch is a somewhat humble and certainly mundane task. But what if I didn't?

I kind of had this idea that all the things around the house like cleaning or packing lunches or making dinner were necessary evils - like I needed to get through them as quickly as possible to get on to my "real" calling which is writing. But God stopped me in my tracks as I spread peanut butter on a slice of wheat bread. THIS was ministry, too. Making our home clean and inviting; spending the time to give my kids good, nutritious lunches and maybe sending an encouraging note along - those things were just as important. They were the little things but they mattered. God was counting the little things too, not just the big or showy.

In a bigger way, I realized that a lot of my life has been controlled by false guilt - this sense that I was never doing enough and certainly not doing it fast enough. I tend to be a slow person. Nobody will ever accuse me of being an energizer bunny or being a whirlwind of activity. But guess what? That's okay. Everybody doesn't have to move at the speed of light. I don't have to live my life in a hurry to get to the next thing, so much so, that I am missing out on the present.

Since then, I spend an extra 10 minutes to prepare my kids' lunches. I include a note with a Scripture or just to say I am thinking about them and have prayed for them. I put on praise music when I clean the house. I don't know that I will ever enjoy cleaning, but now I don't see it as something to whiz through as quickly as possible or an interruption in more important things - I see it as a way to serve my family. To serve and to minister doesn't mean everything has to be something "big". It really is the little things that make all the difference.

"Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for man, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve." Colossians 3:23

~Blessings, Bronte

THE DASTARDLY VILLAIN

2010-11-19T06:17:00.000-08:00

I just finished reading the book of Esther in one sitting. I've never done that before, even though I participated in the in-depth study of Esther with Beth Moore. That study was awesome and I got so much out of it. But as I read the story today, that is what it was like - a story. It just pulled me in and I kept thinking, "I'll just finish this one chapter." But I kept reading until the end.

Usually, the person who stands out to me in Esther is, well, Esther. I imagine how she felt and what it was like to walk into the throne room. How you'd feel hot and cold waiting for the king to lift his sceptor. But this time around, the person who stood out to me was Haman.

Haman is identified several times as "Haman, son of Hammadatha the Agagite." From his actions, Haman appears very prideful and when Mordecai dares to not bow down, Haman is incensed. At first glance, this looks like someone overblown with confidence and pride.

In many ways, Haman was overly prideful, but I recently read a quote by G.K. Chesterton that said, "Only the secure are humble." The need Haman had for everyone to bow and pay homage to him when he walked by was not because he was secure. It was because he NEEDED that to feel built up in importance.

Haman is the villain in the story that you love to hate. I mean, honestly, is there a more satisfying moment than when Haman gets his comeuppance? Here he comes striding into the the thrown room to ask for Mordacai to be hung from the gallows, and before he can do that, the king asks Haman what he should do to honor someone. Immediately, Haman starts thinking about himself and gives all the things he wants.

And again, his wants are so eye-opening to his insecurity. He needs the adulation of the crowds. He needs the parade and the confetti to feel important and special. It is with great glee that we read on to see Haman realize that the king is talking not about HIM, but about MORDACAI. The gull of having to lead that horse with Mordacai on top to the crowds' cheers, to have to call out how awesome Mordacai is when he just wants Mordacai dead. I mean, really? That is just the picture of poetic justice isn't it?

But, when I read the story this time around, I felt sorry for Haman. He hates Mordacai so much because Mordacai is a reminder to him of all the things he isn't and can never be. You can see Haman slipping over the edge and heading downhill long before he realizes that he is speeding to destruction - that his pride and insecurity, his need to have everyone around him give homage to him, will ultimately be his downfall.

It's so easy for me to point my finger at Haman, to say how prideful he was, but am I any different? Well, obviously, I'm not running around trying to orchestrate the anihilation of an entire people, but how many times do I want to make sure people know I am right or smart or creative or (fill in the blank.) How many times am I afraid that people won't realize my worth?

I am currently doing a study called the Character Makeover. The first character trait is Humility. All I can say is "ouch!!" As I prayerfully went through the study this week, I saw how truly me-centered I am. John the Baptist said about Christ - "I must decrease and He must increase."

The truth is while I want Christ to increase, I'd really like it to be done so I don't decrease. I mean, if I decrease will I still have worth and value? The truth is I can get so consumed with my own problems, my own thougths, even my own walk with God, that I cease to see anything beyond the tip of my nose. True humility is, at it's core, trusting God with myself to the point where I don't have to worry about me at all because my worth and value come not from how others see me but who God redeemed me to be.

I'll close with this quote from Charles Swindoll, "Being totally committed to Christ's increase... means letting our lives act as a frame that shows up the masterpiece - Jesus Christ. And a worthy frame isn't tarnished or dull, plain or cheap. instead, with subtle loveliness, it draws the observer's eyes to the beautiful work of art it displays."

May I be a frame worthy of Christ - not trying to draw the glory from Christ to myself but pointing others to Him.
~ Blessings, Bronte

OH HAPPY DAY!!!!

2010-11-11T09:51:00.000-08:00

Ever have a day when you just feel happy? Where all is right with your world, the sun is shining and all you see is the beauty of life? I'm having one of those days. It comes on the heels of a difficult week.

The issue of a job was looming over me - I was feeling panicky and not sure what to do exactly. None of my efforts were paying off and I was wondering what my next steps should be. When I feel anxiety at all, I tend to be very indecisive, too, so that wasn't helping

Then my doctor called to tell me my iron was once again low. This was disappointing because it hadn't even been six months since my last EIGHT infusions. The nurse informed me that the doctor wanted me to have four iron infusions and then come in once a month to keep everything where it should be. While I was and am immensely grateful that there is such an easy fix to this problem, to be tied to going in once a month for iv treatments of any kind, sort of made me feel like some kind of "sick" person. Of course, when you sit down between two people fighting cancer, any inklings of a pity party go right out the window.

Then Thursday evening, I got a call for an interview. The job was as a home companion to the elderly. I love elderly people so I was excited. The interview was set up for the next day. After a quick interview, I found myself whisked into an orientation. The man who interviewed me asked me to stand in front of a blank wall while he pointed a camer about 10 inches from my face and told me to smile. I'm sure that picture looked lovely. I got home and just felt confused and out of sorts. I wasn't excited at all about the job - I think I was still in shock.

Monday, I was scheduled to train with someone at an actual person's house. I went with some trepidation but found the woman to be very sweet. We chatted for over 30 minutes when I should have been training with the other caregiver. The thing was, I just was not at peace about this job. I felt rushed into it and the more I talked to the other caregiver, the more I realized that this might not be a job I was actually capable of doing. My husband wasn't feeling too enthusiastic about the job either.

I got home with that sense of unease heightened, so I called my husband who said it was fine if I wanted to quit which I promptly did. My foray into the working world lasted about three hours.

Wednesday, I went to breakfast with this really great lady who I've known for a long time. She was just so encouraging and kind. I left our breakfast with a spring in my step. I wasn't home an hour when the local newspaper called me to give me three articles to do. No, they don't pay very much, but I was excited to have the opportunity.

I spent this morning, making calls and following up leads. It felt wonderful - like I was back on familiar turf. I've had a really great day. Nothing has really changed - well, besides a few articles coming my way. But I feel so at peace today.

A STUDY IN NEHEMIAH - CHAPTER 13

2010-11-04T07:27:00.000-07:00

This is it - the last chapter of Nehemiah. Interestingly enough, the last chapter once again reiterates the importance of good leadership. Toward the beginning of the chapter we learn that Nehemiah, in the 32nd year of King Artexerxes, returned to the king. If you look back at chapter 1, you can see that 12 years have passed since Nehemiah set out to rebuild the wall and re-establish Jeruselum.

Based on the first few verses, it seems that Nehemiah was gone for a while. But his heart remained with the remnant in Jeruselum because he once again asks the king to leave. The king once again grants Nehemiah his request.

When Nehemiah returns, he finds that the Jews in Jeruselum have not kept up their end of the covenant with God. We also see the names Tobiah and Sanballat again. Let's look at the four ways that Israel failed to fulfill their portion of the covenant.

First, while Nehemiah was gone, the Eliashib, the priest who had been appointed over the chambers of the house of God, cleared outthe room where the grain offerings, incenses and utensils were kept so Tobiah could live there. Why? Because Tobiah was related to him in some way. Despite the notion that blood is thicker than water - it is obvious from Nehemiah's response that blood is NOT thicker than our ties to God. God's laws and commands come even before family. Nehemiah when he arrived and saw what was going on, threw all of Tobiah's goods out of God's house. Then he had the rooms cleansed and returned what needed to be in there.

The second thing that Nehemiah found was that the Levites' portions had not been given to them so they had to go out in the fields to get enough to live on. Nehemiah took care of this by reprimanding the officials and gathering the Levites up and restoring them to their posts. I think it is interesting that Nehemiah's harsh words were not directed at the Levites, but at the people who had promised to care provide for them so they could serve in God's house. I do wonder how many times I've missed opportunities to care for God's servants.

The third thing was that the Jews were allowing merchants and traders to come into Jeruselum on the sabbath day to trade and do business. Nehemiah had harsh words for the nobles. He shut the gates so that the traders could not enter on the sabbath. Some traders came again a few times, but Nehemiah didn't ignore them - he told them to stop coming on the sabbath or he would use force against them. Nehemiah took all of God's laws very seriously. He was unwilling to compromise on any area that God had specifically given commands about.

The fourth thing was an age old problem for Israel - they married foreign women. In this case, they had married women from Ashdod, Ammon and Moab. Interestingly, Ammon and Moab were some of Israel's great enemies. Nehemiah was upset to learn of this and also to see that the children from these unions spoke only in their mother's native tongue and were obviously not being taught according to God's law.

Maybe I have a warped sense of humor but I found Nehemiah's response in verse 25, somewhat funny. Can you imagine if a pastor today reacted to someone's willful sin in this way? Keep in mind, I am not advocating we react to people's sin this way, but obviously, we can take away from this that sin is to be regarded seriously. "So I contended with them and cursed them and struck some of them and pulled out their hair, and made them swear to God, 'You shall not give your daughters to their sons, nor take their daughters for your sons or for yourselves."

Then Nehemiah makes a great point about the fact that Solomon who was very wise and one of the great kings of Israel - even he was led away by foreign women. It is so important who we choose for our inner circle - this includes not just romantic interests but close friends too. They wield a big influence in our lives, sometimes more than we realize.

Then we see Sanballat make another appearance as Nehemiah notes that because Israel took foreign wives, Sanballat was now the father-in-law of one of Joiada's (a high priest) son. Nehemiah drives this man away because of that.

As we come to the very end of Nehemiah, it closes with Nehemiah's prayer, "Remember me, O my God, for good."

From Nehemiah's life we can see some great principles of leadership - praying before acting; being confident in what God has called you to do; recognizing the enemy's fear tactics; knowing God's Word; being serious about God's Word; the importance of worship individually and corporately; the importance of a leader's own character and integrity. I'm not sure if Nehemiah was all that easy to live with, but he is definitely someone we can learn a lot from when we lead ourselves or decide who to follow.
~ Blessings, Bronte

A STUDY IN NEHEMIAH - CHAPTER 12

2010-11-02T07:34:00.001-07:00

We are coming to the end of Nehemiah - just one more chapter to go. For some reason, this tiny book tucked between much more well-known books really speaks to me. I see so many things in it that I can take away in my own life. That is the wonder of the Bible - that it was written so long ago, by many different people yet it still is relevant to my life today. I am always so excited when I read something and think, "Wow - I had no idea that was in there!"

Chapter 12 is really a culmination of all the Israel's hard work. They called the Levites to come and lead the worship over the completion of the building of the wall. It lists all the names of all the people involved which I think is interesting - honor is conferred to these men as their names were written down and remembered. Obviously, the worship portion of this dedication was important.

In Genesis, it says God created man to worship Him, so I guess it isn't a big surprise that a big part of the dedication of the wall was worship and praise.

I love verse 43, "and on that day they offered great sacrifices and rejoiced because God had given them great joy, even the women and children rejoiced so that the joy of Jeruselum was heard from afar." You can just feel the joy ooze off the page - the people obeyed and fulfilled God's laws and there was great rejoicing. The rejoicing was so great, it could be heard from a distance.

In verses 46, 47 we see that leaders of song and singers were held in high regard. God found the job they did very important. I wonder if you sing in the choir and maybe think you "just sing." Take heart - worshipping God in song is a very vital part of the church body.

Another thought is that worship is key to having a thankful heart and having joy in our lives. I have had a pretty disappointing week overall, so the other day I put on some Chris Tomlin and just praised the Lord. It completely changed my outlook. Worship is all about God's glory but in His kindness and generosity, it also brings great joy to the worshipper.

"I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shal continually be in my mouth. My soul will makes its boast in the Lord; the humble will heart it and rejoice. O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together." ~ Psalms 34:1-3

~Blessings, Bronte

A STUDY IN NEHEMIAH - CHAPTER 11

2010-11-01T07:49:00.000-07:00

I call this the signed, sealed and delivered chapter of Nehemiah. In this chapter, the people come out BY NAME to sign a document stating their intentions of entering into a covenant with God. They promised to keep His commandments, to not marry their daughters and sons off to foreigners, to keep up the Temple and take care of all who served there. They didn't just say it - the leaders signed a document promising to do these things. There could be no going back.

It's interesting to me, that so many times in the Bible, people are called to stand up and make their intentions known. It isn't enough to decide to do it in their minds or hearts. It isn't enough to just quietly let their family know. They must stand up and be accounted for.

In our world today, this isn't often seen. Elections are right around the corner - tomrrow in fact. Personally, I'll be really glad to see them come and go. I am tired of the ads that only say what the OTHER person has or hasn't done. Why not stand on your own merits? Why not tell me what YOU stand for and waht YOU believe in and what YOU have accomplished? I think politicians might be surprised at how receptive voters would be to this approach.

In other areas, we also see the hesitation to commit, to put in writing our intentions and promises. It trickles down to our kids. They sign up for a team sport and then skip practices and games when better things come along.

The Bible says to let your "Yeah be yeah and your nay be nay." Maybe it is time to stop hedging our bets and stand up and be accounted for!
~ Blessings, Bronte

A STUDY IN NEHEMIAH - CHAPTER 9

2010-10-28T07:43:00.000-07:00

What a difference a few days make! From the joyful celebration in chapter 8, chapter 9 opens up with "Now on the twenty-fourth day of this month the sons of Israel assembled with fasting, in sackcloth and with dirt upon them."

The next verse talks about the Israelites separating themselves from all the foreigners that were with them. They then stood and confessed their sin and "the iniquities of their fathers." I find that interesting - that they would confess not only their own sins but the sins of their fathers.

This is something I have seen in Scripture over and over again. A person or a group of people seek God's face. They confess not only individually but corporately as well. On the flip side of this we see that worship is also corporate and not just an individual thing.

The rest of the chapter is basically a song that recited teh goodness of God, the sin of their fathers and God's graciousness and faithfulness despite this. From this song, it is fairly obvious that the Israelites clearly see that God treated their people with a lot more grace than they deserved. Several times throughout this chapter God is described as gracious and compassionate. Again and again, they say that their recent troubles in captivity were a result of sin.

The chapter ends with the people getting ready to make an agreement with God, with the leaders, Levites and priests actually signing this agreement that the people would follow God's commands.

I guess this chapter drives home to me the importance of the body of Christ, the fact that we are not just individual believers floating around in some kind of spiritual vacuum. These Israelites truly worshipped God. They saw Yahweh for who He really was and that gave them an accurate picture of themselves and their circumstances.

So many times, I think the current church (as a whole, not one actual church in particular) moans and complains about the state of the world and what is going on around us, but we fail to look at ourselves. We are called to be holy, to be OF the world but not IN it. We are called into dynamic relationship with God on an individual basis but when was the last time you heard God speaking to you? We (speaking to myself here) want to point our fingers at all the issues and problems facing us, but without the sackcloth and ashes of true repentence on our own part.

May God never let me forget His awesome glory and majesty so I can have a clear picture of who I am and the path He has called me to walk!
~ Blessings, Bronte

A STUDY IN NEHEMIAH - CHAPTER 8

2010-10-26T07:19:00.000-07:00

I always thought the Biblical phrase, "The joy of the Lord is your strength," must come from somewhere in Psalms or maybe Proverbs. It wasn't until a few years ago that I found it in Nehemiah, of all places.

It's interesting that it is in the middle of Nehemiah. Under the circumstances - rebuilding a wall in hostile territory- you'd think other things would be considered their strength. Things like faith or perserverence or fighting come to mind as key ways to stay strong in the Lord, but nope - it lists the JOY of the Lord as their strength.

As you look closer at that statement, it starts to make sense though. It doesn't say joy in your circumstances or joy in your feelings, but joy IN THE LORD. What does that mean?

I think we can see several things that bring us joy in the Lord. In verse one, it states the very first one - unity. It says, "And all the people gathered as one man..." It is hard to have joy in the Lord when you are experiencing strife with other Christians. It sort of just sucks the joy right out of you to carry around anger and bitterness, doesn't it?

The second thing we can see is the people's desire for Truth. They requested the Scriptures. They stood out of respect when Ezra opened up the book of the law and started to read it to them. They listened for HOURS. They listened not only to the law, but teaching that explained what it all meant for them. They sincerely desired that truth - not just to hear it but to really understand it.

This led them to the third thing - true worship. When they heard the truth, they bowed low and worshipped God. True worship of God leads to great joy in simply who He is! We can't experience the joy of the Lord without seeing who God truly is and falling down in awed worship.

The fourth thing we see is their true repentence. They heard the truth; they worshipped God for who He was; a true picture of God gave them a true picture of themselves; this true picture caused a sincere repentence. But their tears didn't last long - Ezra told them to rejoice in God and all that He had done.

The fifth thing we see is their obedience. After sincere repentence, they went and celebrated the Feast of Booths which it says the people had not celebrated since the time of Joshua (which was many generations removed from these particular Jews). The act of obedience brought even more joy.

The chapter ends the way it started - with reading God's law daily. I find in my own life, if I let my time with God go because I am busy or lazy or whatever, my joy seems to slip too. I can't find my joy in the Lord if I don't daily spend time in His presence.

I hope that you can follow the path of truth - true worship - true repentence - obedience - and find that your joy in the Lord truly gives you strength!
~ Blessings, Bronte

BETWEEN PHAROAH AND THE RED SEA

2010-10-22T19:44:00.000-07:00

There is a miracle waiting to happen. I was feeling a bit down again last night, but I was reminded of what God taught me in my Sunday school class. All the verses He's given me over the past couple months tied in so neatly with the study I'm doing about the Israelites and how only one in a million, out of the two million that left Egypt, ever stepped into the Promised Land.

As I listened to the video of Priscilla Sherer, she was reading in Exodus how God PURPOSELY led the Israelites toward the Red Sea, even though there was an easier/closer route. God has led dh and I to this place ON PURPOSE.

One of the reasons God led them there was so that HIS GLORY could be seen. The poor Israelites looked in front of them and saw the Red Sea. They looked behind them and saw Pharoah's army thundering down on them. They were scared to death that God had led them into a death trap but what they should have been was looking for the miracle.

That reminded me of the verse God kept bringing in my path - Isaiah 43:18, 19, Do not call to mind the former things or ponder the things of the past, for behold, I am going to do a new thing. It will spring forth. Will you miss it? For I will make a road even in the wilderness and streams even in the desert."

I can choose to dwell in the past and ponder it all, but I will miss the new thing God is doing because I'm too busy staring behind me.

Then Moses tells them to 1) not be afraid, 2) stand still, 3) watch and 4) be quiet. Again, the verses about being silent while God fights for you, have come up for me again and again. My natural tendency is to want to explain and defend and fix it. But God says, Be quiet - I got it!

There is no doubt that I need some kind of job. There is no doubt that what happened this spring was unfair. BUT, God led us here, to this place, ON PURPOSE. He has already done some very cool things. I am excited to see what new thing is going to spring forth - how GOD is going to get glory from this whole situation. When I just look at the circumstances, it can seem a bit bleak, but when I look up at God, I get excited about what He is going to do.

I'm ready and waiting for the "go" sign to step out onto the dry sea bed and see the Promised Land!
~ Blessings, Bronte

p.s. back to Nehemiah tomorrow :)

A STUDY IN NEHEMIAH - CHAPTER 7

2010-10-18T07:01:00.001-07:00

Hey, we are halfway done with reading through Nehemiah. I hope you are learning as much as I am! It is amazing to me that every time I revisit a familiar passage, God shows me something else that is applicable to my life. But then, God is cool like that! :)

At first glance, this is another chapter that has long lists of names. You may be shocked to hear this, but I tend to skim over these chapters. I am not the most patient person in the world, and I have a hard time wanting to read through a bunch of names, but by skimming this chapter, I am missing some key insights that are scattered throughout these verses.

The very first thing I see in verse one is that a wall was not enough. There needed to be gates in place to keep those inside safe and not allow those in that were not safe.

I think the mention of the gates throughout Nehemiah is rather interesting. While a wall was the sign of a city's strength, the wall would have become a bad thing if there was no way to get in and out of the city. In our lives, I think it is Biblical to have boundaries in our lives. We see Jesus had them - He would often go off on His own to get renewed. He never let anyone guilt Him into performing miracles just for the sake of miracles.

But at the same time, Jesus was the ultimate example of healthy relationships. He was open and warm. We see several verses about how children loved Him and came to Him, unafraid.

It seems, as Christians, we tend to be one way or the other - either our walls are so high that nobody can get close OR we are so open that we leave ourselves vulnerable to the enemy's attacks. The answer seems to be well-built and well-guarded gates.

Nehemiah's next move was to put two men in charge of Jeruselum: Hanani and Hananiah (I bet that was confusing! lol) Now the first man was Nehemiah's brother, but his appointment was not an early case of nepotism. It says in verse 2 that the men were "faithful and fear God more than many."

It's so important that the people that are placed in positions of authority are God-fearing men and women. It always comes as a sort of shock to me when I discover a "spiritual leader" isn't all that spiritual or even very interested in what God wants. Nehemiah had the wisdom to know that success depended on godly men being in charge.

In verse 3, we see that Nehemiah was very specific about the gates again. They were to be only opened at certain times and carefully guarded. Not only that, but each guard was to stand alert in front of his own house.

As we get down to verse 5, Nehemiah once again shows himself to be sensitive to God's leading. It says, "Then my God put it on my heart to assmeble the nobles, the officials nad the people to be enrolled by genealogies."

He explains in verse 6,7 where and how people had gotten to Jeruselum. Then from verses 8 through 60 we get the infamous listing of names.

In verse 61, it lists a few folks who did not have any proof of who they were. Even though they claimed to be Levites, because they couldn't prove their genealogy, they were not allowed to serve in the priesthood.

If I wanted to stretch an analogy, I could say this is a sort of picture of the fact that we need to make sure we have solid proof that we are indeed children of God. Without God as our Father, we are excluded from the priesthood too.

Finally, in verse 70 through 73, it gives a list of people who gave to the work of God and what they gave.

The chapter ends with, "And when the seventh month came, the sons of Israel were in their cities." It has a satisfying feeling of "all is right in the world."

What I got most out of this chapter is the need to have boundaries without keeping everyone at arm's length. Ministry and loving others can be painful sometimes. While we need boundaries and we need to be wise about who we let into the gates, I don't believe God ever intended for anyone to just build a wall and not allow anyone inside.

~ Blessings, Bronte

A STUDY IN NEHEMIAH - CHAPTER 6

2010-10-14T06:18:00.000-07:00

Several years ago, I read an interesting book called The Gift of Fear. In it, the author (I can't remember his name at the moment) stated that we all have an inner alert system to danger that we often ignore. This alert system is the gift of fear.

Now some of us have more highly honed alert systems, some of us appear to have put our systems in sleep mode and others of us have such sensitive systems that they go off at any little thing, like those annoying car alarms.

No matter where you fall on the spectrum, if you are a Christian, you have a little bit of an edge that others don't. It's called the Holy Spirit and He gives us discernment that often times we don't hear because we aren't paying attention or we ignore because we think it doesn't sound "Christian" enough.

Now don't get me wrong. This doesn't mean that God wants us walking around in fear. He says the words "fear not" over 300 times between Genesis and Revelation. So obviously, fear is not something we are to be wallowing in; however, that doesn't mean we are supposed to ignore our inner alert system that tells us something or someone is dangerous either.

One of the most fascinating things I found in this book were some of the statistics. I was sort of disconcerted to find, that according to the stats, I had a 1 in 4 chance of being physically assaulted in my life time. Yikes! Good thing I know God is my shield and fortress. But what really struck me is that the vast majority of these assaults could have been avoided, something close to 90%, but the woman had been afraid of appearing impolite or not nice. Interesting.

How many times has the Holy Spirit whispered a warning in your ear and you pretended to be deaf because you didn't want to be perceived as "not nice"? I know I have been guilty of that. Usually it is about something other than a life and death situation. But so many times, we get ourselves into trouble because we don't heed the Holy Spirit's still, small voice.

In Nehemiah 6, we see Nehemiah using that discernment from God to protect himself from Sanballat. First, Sanballat sends a friendly letter, asking Nehemiah to meet so they can "counsel together." On the surface, this seems like a good development, but Nehemiah knows that it is highly unlikely that a man who hates him in particular and Jews in general would suddenly have a change of heart. He knows the real reason behind this letter - to get him alone so Sanballat can dispose of him.

Nehemiah sends a refusal and goes on with his work. There is no excuse or apology - just "no." Sanballat doesn't give up right away. He sends several letters. All are met with a simple no.

Finally, realizing Nehemiah is aware of his schemes, Sanballat removes the mask. He sends a letter that says he will tell the king that Nehemiah is trying to promote himself to king in this area. That might not seem as big of a deal to us, but back then any type of activty that threatened the king's authority was considered treason and was a one way ticket to an execution- yours! Nehemiah recognized the threat in this letter.

I love Nehemiah's response. He doesn't beat around the bush but in verse 8 says, "Such things as you are saying have not been done, but you are inventing them in your own mind."

Nehemiah also knows WHY Sanballat is doing this - he wants to frighten Nehemiah to discourage the workers. Nehemiah, as a wise leader, knows that a frightened, scared leader leads to demoralized followers, so he stands firm.

Then Sanballat sinks to a new low - he uses a false prophet to try to lure Nehemiah into a bad situation. Nehemiah enters the house of Shemaiah in verse 10. Shemaiah was the son of a priest who was an intimate friend of Nehemiah's. He had no reason not to trust this man's friendship or his words.

Shemaiah says to Nehemiah, "Let us meet together in the house of God, within the temple, and let us close the doors of the temple, for they are coming to kill you, and they are coming to kill you at night."

At first glance, this doesn't seem like a bad idea - find refuge in the temple, but what Shemaiah is really suggesting is that Nehemaiah go into the Holy Place in the temple which was forbidden to anyone who was not a priest, and Nehemiah was NOT a priest.

In verse 12 and 13, Nehemiah says, "Then I perceived that surely God had not sent him, but he uttered his prophecy against me because Tobiah and Sanballat had hired him. He was hired for this reason, that I might become frightened and act accordingly and sin, so that they might have an evil report in order that they coudl reproach me."

Nehemiah knew that if he went into the temple, into the Holy Place, it would be a sin. That would give his enemies ammunition to use against him. It would cause the people to doubt his reverence for God and to doubt his courage. As a leader, he knew that his reputation had to be above reproach and his courage couldn't be questioned because then the people would question if God really told him to build the wall or not.

Nehemiah knew that God would not have had one His prophets tell him to sin. Nehemiah recognized the fear tactic. Throughout chapter 6, we see the enemy trying to use fear to intimidate Nehemiah but he doesn't allow it to happen.

As the chapter closes, we see that Tobiah who had ties to the nobles through marriage continues his campaign to make himself look good and Nehemiah look bad. But most of the enemies simply drift away as they see the wall completed. Even they knew that only God could have brought this about and had no desire to tangle with Yahweh.

Chapter 6 gives us a good look at true leadership - Nehemiah is confident in the work God has called him to. He is not taken in by false offers of friendship or false prophets. He continues to conduct himself with courage and with behavior that is above reproach.

Oh that I might be able to be so bold in following God's call on my life!
~ Blessings, Bronte

A STUDY IN NEHEMIAH - CHAPTER 5

2010-10-07T07:00:00.000-07:00

Jesus told the disciples that people would know they were Christians by the love they had for each other. I suppose, since this is a big deal it is no wonder that Satan attacks this area so much. How many Christians do you personally know who are known for their love and care for other believers?

Yeah, I don't know that many either. In fact, it has been my personal experience that Christians often treat each other worse than non-believers. It's sad but true. I remember reading somewhere that only about 2% of churches split over actual theological issues, and that usually, the issue is something minor - like the color of the carpet or the location of a new building. If we are to love each other more than ourselves and think of other people's needs before our own - how does this happen? Why is it that in polls and surveys, most non-believers see Christians as petty, mean and bigoted?

Some of that is caused by mainstream media that always seems to portray believers as petty and narrow minded and nasty, but it also has a seed of truth in it. Take for instance the Westboro Church that goes around protesting at military funerals. I can see how that activity says Jesus loves you. (I'm rolling my eyes here) The truth is we, as a church body, have become so me-focused, we don't even see the needs of others.

In Nehemiah chapter 5, the Jews had turned on each other. They had overcome the nastiness of Sanballat and Tobiah. They were carrying their weapons while they did their portion of the wall, but now fellow Jews were taxing other Jews to the point of having to put their children into slavery and losing their lands, possessions and money. Now that sounds loving doesn't it?

Nehemiah stepped in immediately. He did not tolerate the way the people were treating each other. In verses 7 and 8, he throws their actions right in their faces. It says at the end of verse 8, "Then they were silent and could not find a word to say." There was no excuse for what they were doing and they knew it.

Nehemiah didn't just call them on their actions, he made them make restitution for their actions by giving back the lands, produce and money they had taken. He cautioned them strongly about going back to their old ways, shaking his cloak as a visual of what God would do to them if they went back to usury.

Then Nehemiah set a good example. Instead of taking a tax from the people (which was his right as a governor) to feed himself and his staff, Nehemiah refused to take a penny of it. He also showed the people that God provided for he and his household's needs in abundance. Instead of taking advantage of his leadership position, Nehemiah did what good leaders are supposed to do - he protected those who couldn't protect themselves; he demanded justice and he set a good example himself.

You just gotta love Nehemiah!
~ Blessings, Bronte

A STUDY IN NEHEMIAH - CHAPTER 4

2010-10-05T06:56:00.000-07:00

I hope you have been keeping up with the reading. Sorry for the delay, but we'll get to several chapters this week. In the last chapter, we see that the people are each working on their portion of the wall. They are getting the work done that was specifically assigned to them.

However, in chapter 4, we run into Sanballat and Tobias again. In the very first verse, we read, "Now it came about that when Sanballat heard that we were rebuilding the wall he became furious and very angry and mocked the Jews." He not only mocked the Jews, but he mocked them in front of others. He tells them how useless their efforts will be, how impossible the task. Tobias, hearing him, joins in and makes fun of the work itself, saying it is so feeble, if a fox walked on it (known for being light on their feet) the whole thing would fall down.

Have you ever been doing what you feel God has called you to do, only to have someone or several someones start making fun of you? If you are doing what God has called you to do, you can expect opposition. There is a theory floating around in Christian circles that if you are just doing God's will everything will be wonderful. Personally, I think people have been watching too much Disney.

Several years ago, I was heavily involved in women's ministries at my church. For some reason, I could never figure out, there were a couple women that absolutely despised me. I went to them numerous times trying to make things right, and things would be okay for a few weeks. But then there would be another meeting, and I would find myself under attack again. I'd leave those meetings feeling like if words were arrows, I'd be bleeding all over the floor.

It seemed the more I pushed to do what I felt God calling me to do, the more opposition I got. I'd like to say I pushed through but I was under the mistaken impression that if I was doing what God wanted me to do it would be easy and I wouldn't meet opposition and I certainly wouldn't have other Christian women at my throat. I quit. I had a convenient excuse so I just quit the field rather than fight. After all, that seemed the more "Christian" thing to do.

When you look at what happens to the workers in Nehemiah, you can see a progression in their attacks. At first it is verbal - they try to discourage the people working, convince them that what they are doing is useless and then making them doubt their competency as builders. When the people continue working, they gather others to them and attack them physically. After prayer, Nehemiah sets up a system of one worker with one defender. People were laying bricks with their sword in their hand.

Nehemiah didn't quit the fight. He didn't tell all the wall builders, "Now let's be nice or send the enemy some muffins." He called them on it. He prayed that God would not even forgive them for demoralizing the workers like they were doing.

I think so many times, in Christian circles, we want to do the loving thing because Jesus is love, right? But the problem is our view of the loving thing is warped. We want to be "nice" instead of loving. Loving means caring enough about someone to step outside our comfort zone to have tough conversations.

If I had the courage of my convictions, instead of continually apologizing to those women, I would have confronted them on their behavior. I would have followed the Matthew 13 protocol of going to them one on one and then bringing in someone else if things didn't change. I would have loved them enough to tell them the truth.

In Scripture it says "the truth will set you free" and true love gets rid of fear. Don't get me wrong - we are called to forgive and to pray for those who hate us and bless those that curse us. I just think that if you look at Jesus' example, love isn't always warm and fuzzy. Sometimes, it's blunt and confrontational.

The other thing we need to remember is that it's okay to work with your sword in your hand. Obviously, in our day and age, we aren't going to be walking around with a real sword, BUT in the New Testament, we are told about a sword - God's Word. When we know truth, we can have the confidence to speak truth in love.

It's really no wonder that church pews have so few men in them. We have made Christianity into something sort of wimpy and watered down. We've forgotten that the battle truly is the Lord's and we are called to be His warriors.

~ Blessings, Bronte

A STUDY IN NEHEMIAH - CHAPTER 3

2010-09-28T10:35:00.000-07:00

Chapter 3 at first glance can seem a bit boring. I think the most often used words in this chapter are, "Next to him/them." After all, all it seems to be is a list of who built what. Since we are now a couple millenium away from this activity, it sort of feels like it doesn't have much to do with our day to day lives.

There are other passages in the Bible where I think, "hmm, I wonder why in the world God included this in the finished Bible - what is the relevance to today?" The book of Leviticus comes to mind - does anyone else struggle with getting through that book of the Bible besides me? But God DID include it so there has to be a reason, right?

As I look at this chapter, I can see facts - certain portions of the wall were built simultaneously by different people. It lists who built each section. I suppose if I was a heavy duty Bible scholar, I could look up the family names and see what they built and how that part of the wall was used, etc. back in the glory days of Israel. But, the truth is, I'm NOT a Bible scholar. However, I DO believe that even in what appears to be a boring list of work orders, God has something for me to learn.

The first thing I can take away from this is that a large job divided among willing workers makes the work go a whole lot faster. Either a few people doing the entire job or ALL the people doing one tiny section wouldn't have worked very well. If there were a lot of willing workers, if they all concentrated on one section of the wall there would have been chaos - people tripping over other people; stuff dropping where it shouldn't; bumping into things, etc. If only a few groups tried to build the entire wall by themselves, it would have been very slow going and probably discouraging as they would see very little progress for the sweat equity going into the project.

I can take this and apply it to the church body. Have you ever heard the saying that 20% of the people do 80% of the work? If you look closer you'll find that often is true in churches today. On the other side of the coin, the many needs that cry out to be met by God seem overwhelming. Sometimes, it feels like we are being pulled all over because of the many areas that need workers.

Instead of trying to have a few people do it all or a bunch of people do a small portion, Nehemiah set each group over a certain section of the wall. Because the workers could concentrate in their area, they were able to do the job well, do it efficiently and see to all the details. The workers also saw progress and weren't overwhelmed by the huge amount of work that restoring the entire wall entailed.

God has given the church, as a body, a big job - go out into all the world and preach the Gospel; take care of the poor and the widows and fatherless; love one another; etc. Fortunately, He doesn't expect one person or group to accomplish everything all at once. He give each person a calling or area to work in. We are individually responsible for what God calls US to do, not what He calls our neighbor to do. We must work heartily and wholeheartedly where we are at - at our part of the wall.

I know two different women - both of whom love God and want to serve Him. One works in an office and one works in a restaurant. On the outside, those jobs don't seem very "spiritual" or ministry-orientated. But I believe God has them in ministry right where they are at. Both share Christ's love and the hope that is in Him with their co-workers - meeting needs right where they are at. Both are Jesus with skin on to people who might never ever darken a church door without some kind of relationship first. They would tell you that they aren't in ministry, but I will tell you that they are faithfully working at their part on the wall.

We live in a somewhat "interesting" neighborhood. It's not unusual to see gang symbols spray painted on signs or along the sidewalks. I've prayed many times about leaving here but each time God has told me to stay put. I see that God is working here through our family though. My boys have some friends that they play ball with in our side yard. Two days ago, my oldest son led one of these friends to God. He said, "Mom, I was praying you wouldn't call us in to supper before D got saved." This neighborhood is my family's portion of the wall and we are called to be faithful right here. Yes, there are needs around the world, but I can't meet all those needs. I can send supplies to other parts of the wall, but God has called me to work on THIS part - to see this part completed, to see the details accomplished.

"For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

One brick at a time, we can all finish our part of the wall.
~ Blessings, Bronte

A STUDY IN NEHEMIAH - CHAPTER 2

2010-09-24T15:49:00.000-07:00

First - a disclaimer: My computer is very old and is in the process of slowly dying. In my last post, I was unable to go back to edit anything and my computer kept freezing up, so that is why there were so many spelling, grammar and other errors. Please excuse them. :)

Okay, my disclaimer is over and it is time to look at Chapter 2 of Nehemiah. Once again, we start with the time. We see it is still the 20th year and this time it is clear that this refers to the 20th year in the reign of King Artaxerxes. In the previous chapter it was the month of Chislev. Being unfamiliar with the Jewish calendar, I decided to look this up. Apparently it was around November/December of our calendar and the time of year that Hannukah was celebrated. Now we see it is the month of Nisan. This corresponds with March/April on our calendars, so a few months have passed.

The most interesting thing I found when I looked all of this up, is that the month of Nisan is also known as the month of redemption. It is the same month that Israel was freed from Egyptian captivity. Considering the events of this chapter, I found this to be very interesting. I hope you will as well. :)

So, in verse 2, Nehemiah sets the scene. He is with the king and has just given him his wine. This means, Nehemiah had already tasted it and since he hadn't keeled over, the king knew that the wine was safe to drink. I thought it was interesting what you read at the end of verse 2: "Now I had not been sad in his presence." It's like Nehemiah wants you to know he has been doing his job well even after you read the King's next words which were, "Why is your face sad though you are not sick? This is nothing but sadness of the heart." Apparently, "put a smile on your face or else" was the way of the palace because Nehemiah next mentions that the king saying this made him "very much afraid." I guess moping around in the king's presence was a big no-no.

Even though Nehemiah was afraid, he told the king the truth - the city of his fathers was in ruins. The king, who apparently had a good relationship with Nehemiah, asked what Nehemiah wanted to request. I love Nehemiah's response - "So I prayed to the God of heaven." Before he said a word, he prayed. How many times, when I am in a high pressure situation, do I just open my mouth and talk and talk and talk? Embarrassingly, far more than I respond the way Nehemiah did! Nehemiah was different - he took a moment to pray.

In the next few verses, Nehemiah gives the king not just a general, vague idea of what he is requesting, but where he wants to go (Judah), what he wants to do (rebuild the city), a time frame and what he will need to get the job done. This is all in verses 4-8. Verse 8 ends with Nehemiah's take on why he was granted favor - "Adnd the king granted them to me because the good hand of my God was on me." If you read Ezra, the book before Nehemiah, you will see that phrase many times.

Nehemiah wasn't one to let grass grown under his feet - in the very next verse we find him giving the governors the king's letters. We also see that the king not only did what Nehemiah asked but he also gave him officers and horsemen. This reinforces that God's hand was indeed upon Nehemiah.

In verse 10, we are introduced to the villains in the story - Sanballat the Horonite and Tobiah the Ammonite. Nehemiah clearly states that these two men wanted nothing good to happen for the Israelites. It doesn't say why. If you look back in some of historical books, even as far back as Exodus, the Ammonites were enemies of Israel. So, this may have been a sort of racist hatred going on. Maybe it was as simple as these men had some power over the downtrodden Jews and didn't want to see them raised from their humble position in that society. Whatever the reason, they established themselves early on as enemies of Israel and specifically enemies of Nehemiah and his goal.

It is interesting to me that many times when God places a burden on my heart, and I set about trying to do what He wants me to do, obstacles seem to crop up out of nowhere. Many times, those obstacles are in the form of people. It is just a given, that if you are doing what God wants you to do, you will have enemies. You may as well prepare yourself for that fact of life.

When Nehemiah arrived, he was in Jeruselum three days and he didn't tell anyone what his plans were. After three days, Nehemiah felt God telling him to take a look around. He did this in the middle of the night with only a few men. Nehemiah's description of his ride gives us an idea of how badly the walls had been ruined. In some places, it says he couldn't even ride his mount through. He came back and although it doesn't say anything, you can almost feel the heaviness of Nehemiah's heart after seeing this destruction up close and personal. Nehemiah wanted a clear picture of what was wrong and what needed to be done without a lot of voices to distract him. A true leader, takes in the facts before he starts including a lot of other people.

In verse 17, he finally reveals why he is there and sort of rallies the troops. He calls them to, "Come, let us rebuild the walls of Jeruselum so that we will no longer be a reproach." He encourages them with the fact that God's hand was upon him and how he had gotten there. The people were all for it and responded with, "Let us arise and build!" They didn't just say either - they got right to work.

Of course, as soon as they started doing something, Sanballat and Tobiah are on the scene. They mocked and despised them and even offered a veiled threat - "What is this thing you are doing? Are you rebelling against the king?" In other words, if you continue doing this - rebuilding the walls- the king is going to think you are rebelling. If a people in the situation of Israel were seen as rebels, they would be crushed pretty quickly. The Jews that were there would have understood what was being said between the lines.

Fortunately, Nehemiah had all of his ducks in a row. He was confident, not only in what God had for him to do, but he also had gotten through all the red tape and had not tried to do this behind anyone's back. This reminds me of the story of the Christian organization that went to Haiti and tried to bring back some of the orphans, but because they had not gone through the right protocol, they got in big trouble. It isn't enough to have good intentions. We must follow through, and as much as we are able and as long as it doesn't go against God's Word, we should be in compliance with laws and procedures - even if we think it is just a lot of red tape!

Because he had done the right thing before his king, Nehemiah was able to answer his enemies with confidence. The final verse is his reply to Sanballat and Tobiah's mocking and threats: "The God of heaven will give us success; therefore we His servants will arise and build, but you have no portion, right or memorial in Jerusalem."

I am learning so much from Nehemiah - to be honest in what I need; to do my jobs well so my employer knows I am someone to trust; to pray before speaking; to be specific in my requests; to be clear on all the facts before I proceed - even if I think this is what God wants me to do; to follow the rules so there can be no reproach. Who knew all that was in Nehemiah?
~ Blessings, Bronte

A STUDY IN NEHEHMIAH - CHAPTER 1

2010-09-22T07:47:00.000-07:00

I started reading in Nehemiah and have found so many applicable truths for my life today, that I decided maybe a study, chapter by chapter may be in order. I hope you will join in and offer your insights and comments. :)

First, I want to give a little background about Nehemiah and the times he lived in. I wish I knew how to import a chart onto this blog but since I don't, you'll have to bear with me. Judah had been taken into captivity by Babylon at the end of II Chronicles (this was after repeated attempts by God to get them to repent and turn back to Him). The last few verses talk about how God stirred up King Cyrus, the King of Persia, to allow Ezra (book before Nehemiah) to go back to Jeruselum to rebuild the temple. Basically, Babylon took Judah captive and after 70 years, Persia overthrew the Babylonian empire. So now Judah was under the Persian empire. Daniel (who was taken in the Babylonian capture and served during the 70 yr. captivity and into served in the beginning of Persia's reign too), Ezra, Esther and Nehemiah all lived in roughly the same time period. Ezra dealt with the Persian kings Cyrus, Darius I, Ahasuerus (who was also Esther's husband) and Artaxerxes I (who was king during the events of Nehemiah). So Ezra returning to rebuild the temple, Esther becoming the Queen and saving the Jews from destruction, and the event in Nehemiah basically take place in about a 77 year span of time.

If you want an even deeper picture of what was going on, Zechariah and Haggai were prophets during the time of Ezra and Malachi was the prophet during Nehemiah's time. I personally find it fascinating how the Bible all works together. :)

Anyway, now that you have a bit of historical background, let's look at chapter one. The book starts out by telling us in verse one that it is written in the words of Nehemiah. At this point, the only thing we know about Nehemiah is that he is the son of Hacaliah (and frankly, that doesn't help me all that much!). Next we are told the time and place where the whole thing got started: it was the month of Chislev, in the 20th year (of what I'm not sure - maybe Persia's reign???) and he was in the city of Susa. If you have studied Esther at all, the city of Susa should sound familiar. Nehemiah's brother and some other men from Judah (remember that in Ezra a remnant of Jews had returned to Jeruselum to rebuild the temple and there were also some Jews who had escaped the original captivity and apparently were living in the area). So Nehemiah asked after the Jews.

The news he got was not good - yes, the temple was rebuilt BUT the walls were still all broken down and the gates were non-existent. Nehemiah's response to this news is immediate. In the very next verse it says, "When I heard these words, I sat down and wept and mourned for days; and I was fasting and praying before the God of heaven."

Why was Nehemiah so upset about some broken down wall? Well, in our society the importance of walls is not that big of a deal, but in ancient times walls were extremely important. They served not only served as practical protection for a city, but they were also a symbol to the neighboring cities and villages of salvation, security, protection and power. The following link has some intereseting facts about ancient walls but keep in mind the person writing it is not a Christian : http://www.suite101.com/content/walls-of-the-ancient-world-a139354

In verses 5-11, we see Nehemiah's prayer. In verse 5, Nehemiah praises God for who He is and throws in the reminder that God is a covenant keeping God. Then Nehemiah asks that God listen to Him as he confesses. Nehemiah doesn't just confess his own sin but the sin of his people. He makes it personal. This is no case of pointing fingers - Nehemiah completely humbled himself before God and threw himself and his people at God's mercy. Next, we see him remind God of God's promises to His people, of His covenant. He gives all the credit for any good things to God. Then, finally, he asks God to go before him and make him successful when he is before this "man."

Up until now, we don't really know who Nehemiah is or what he does, and now we are given the man. The next words tell us who this man is: "Now I was the cupbearer of the king." Does that give you chills like it did me?

Nehemiah happens to be in Susa; he happens to run into this group of people from Judah; they happen to tell him about the broken down walls; Nehemiah is completely broken because of it - he has a heart for his people; and he just happens to have the ear of the king. Now what do you suppose the chances are that the one man who has the ear of the king would hear about the need for a new wall and not just feel sad about it but want to do something about it? Not very likely. The cupbearer had a special relationship with the king. He tasted the king's wine/beverages to check for poison so the king trusted and relied on him, and because he was in the king's presence so much, the cupbearer was often a confidante of the king. Nehemiah was in a place of influence with the king, not by accident, but so God could accomplish His plans both for His people and for Nehemiah in particular.

This brings me to some application. You aren't where you are by accident. You have a unique realm of influence and can reach people that nobody else can. Even the most humble of jobs has a sphere of influence. Look at Exodus 1 and you can read the stories of two midwives who feared God so much they defied the Egyptian king. Without their courage Moses would never have lived to adulthood to lead the children of Isreal. Don't doubt God's plan and purpose for you. God can use anyone with a willing and humble heart who is willing to follow God. It says God is actively looking for those who will serve Him with their whole hearts.
~Blessings, Bronte

IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT ME - WHAT A RELIEF!

2010-09-14T05:36:00.000-07:00

This past Sunday, our Sunday school class was listening to a tape of John Piper. It was entitled "Is God An Egomaniac?" I know, I sort of blinked a couple times, too. My first thought was "Of coure not!"

As I listened to him, he dug deep into the Scriptures and came out with nuggets of truth that really resonated with me. First of all, he quoted several famous people (well, apparently they are well-known but I hadn't heard of most of them from under the rock where I live - except Oprah). He quoted them as saying that all the verses in the Bible about God's glory and how everything is FOR God's glory turned them off. I think C.S. Lewis (who didn't come to Christ until he was almost 30 years old) was the one who said it sounded like an old woman asking for compliments. Ouch!

The truth is that God is the most God-centered being in the entire universe, and ultimately everything is for HIS GLORY. That is the bottom line purpose. It's also the reason we were created - to worship HIM. As I heard that something in me went "Wait! What about me? Don't you have a purpose and plan for ME? Don't you take delight in ME? Don't you love ME? Didn't you die on the cross for ME? What about MY joy?" You see the theme right? Here's a hint - all the pronouns are personal.

I started to wonder about the image the Bible gives us of God as our Father and how in the world did THAT play into God's glory being the bottom line for everything. I mean, how many parents are all about their own glory and worship? (okay - don't answer that!)Then God nudged me to think about the child who is made the center of the universe. You've met him or her right - the little prince or princess who rules the small kingdom of their home with a tiny, iron fist. Is that child truly happy? The answer is no, not really. They may want to be the center of everything but it doesn't bring happiness - it usually just brings tears and tantrums.

Have you ever had someone tell you that YOU are their reason for living? That you are their whole world? Personally, I don't want that kind of responsibility. It's too big of a burden to carry and it isn't something that God wants us to carry. We weren't created to be IT. It is a strange fact, that with God things often seem the opposite of what our human natures want or crave. To be first, you have to last. To be a leader, you must serve. To keep your life, you have to lose it. It all seems backwards, but in my own times of worship and prayer I have found a curious thing. When I am humbled and broken and bowed low, that is when God raises me up. I have never had greater joy than at those moments of greatest humility and worship when I really see God's magnifigance and how big He truly is.

Lately, I have found Christianity, as a whole, to be very self-focused. It seems to be all about individual growth or issues; about what brings individual Christians fulfillment. Now I am all for spiritual growth, and I think it is very healthy to deal with our baggage and issues. I believe God wants us to be free but the purpose is to serve and glorify Him - not continue to stare at our navals. We were created to find joy in our insignifigance. Think of the last time you saw something truly breathtaking in nature - maybe it was the Grand Canyon or a sky full of stars. Did you think all about yourself and how awesome you were? Nope. It was this feeling of something or Someone so much bigger than you that brings a breathtaking joy. John Piper ended by saying how our great joy intersects with worship and glorifying God. I couldn't agree more.

I love the song by Chris Tomlin called "I Will Rise." One line goes "before my God/fall on my knees and rise." And that is how it is - to rise, we must bow low.

"I will bless the Lord at all times. His praise will continually be in my mouth. The humble shall hear it and rejoice." Psalm 34:1,2

Rejoice with me and worship our great big, awesome, spectacular God! You just might find it's the happiest you've ever been!
~ Blessings, Bronte

WHAT IF I WAS BORN MUSLIM?

2010-09-10T06:27:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I take for granted that I was born in America, that I can choose where I want to live, what I want to do and Who I want to worship. I don't go to bed at night fearing that someone will storm into my house, drag me and my family out of bed and kill us execution-style. If I lived in the Middle East and was a Christian, that would be a part of my reality. I'd not only fear for my life and that of my husband and children, but my home and possessions, my livelihood could be wiped out, and nobody would care. I would not get justice, probably ever.

In recent news, the pastor who is planning to burn the Koran has taken over internet headlines. Talk radio show hosts and news anchors are weighing in on the controversy. There are all kinds of reasons given why this is a bad idea from simple political correctness (mustn't ever offend anyone) to actual safety issues for our military, Americans and Christians in the Middle East.

I posted about this on a moms online board and was sort of surprised at the response I got - everything from "I can't believe you feel sorry for those people" to "we have the right as an American to do that" to "in the Old Testament the idols, etc. were torn down and burned - how is this different." For a moment, I felt like a flaming liberal or something! lol It's been bothering me though. I wondered if I had fallen into the trap of political correctness or maybe was sliding into the idea of appeasement - as in let's not make Islamic extremists angry so they won't do anything. And let's face it, if you look at what happened with Europe and Hitler, appeasement just doesn't cut it when it comes to international relations. And really with tomorrow being September 11th, was it really so wrong to thumb our noses at the people who took down the Twin Towers?

At first, I thought my main concern over this was the fact that once again, Christians would look petty and mean and hateful. That the media would show them as intolerant bigots. And I do think that what we claim to do in Christ's name should be carefully scrutinized. After all, have the nut jobs that have killed abortion doctors really helped the right to life cause?

But the more I thought about this and prayed about why it bothered me so much the more I realized that it came down to hate. Extremist Islamists are known for their hatred of those who are not, particularly Americans. However, if I take myself out of America and my reality for a minute and put myself into the shoes of a young woman born into a Muslim family who has been taught all her life the Koran, and has also been taught to hate and fear Christians how would I view this current event? I would see Christians as hating me back and all my fears would be justified.

Someone also posted that they wouldn't keep a Koran in their home, but would throw it out. Neither would I as I don't believe it is truth. But there is a world of difference between throwing something away and burning it. If I gathered together a bunch of people and had all of them bring, say, any Britney Spears albums, cds, etc. would you think I just didn't want that kind of music in my house or would you think I really, really did not like Britney Spears herself? I think you would probably conclued that I pretty much hated Britney Spears (I don't btw before I get hate mail about that - just an example!) When you take the most important book of a particular religion and burn it in such a public manner the message is NOT that you disagree with that religion. Rather it is that you hate that group of people. I don't want to put words in this pastor's mouth. They may not be his intent at all, but that is how it will be perceived.

And is hate really something Christians want to be known for? Now think back to that young Muslim woman. She may be unhappy in her current situation (not that she would have a lot of choice) She may even want something more than her current religion, but obviously the Christians hate her so maybe the Koran is right after all. Hate never drew anyone to Jesus. That's why Jesus calls us to love our enemies and bless those that curse us - because that is the totally opposite response of human nature.

So I guess that is the bottom line for me. I don't want to be known by hate. I don't want Muslims to think Christians hate them. Yes, I believe their religion is false and hate what it seems to inspire people to do in the name of it. That is why this Koran burning bothers me so much.

"Now therefore there is no condemnation in Christ."
~ Blessings, Bronte

FROM GLORY TO CAPTIVITY

2010-09-07T05:30:00.000-07:00

I finally finished II Chronicles. It started with the glory of King Solomon's rule -the height of Israel's glory days. By chapter 36, the outlook is very different. The mighty nation of Israel has been split into two warring factions - Israel and Judah which included the tribe of Judah and Benjiman; the temple has been destroyed; the walls of Jeruselum (the walls being a sign of a nation's strength and power) had been reduced to rubble; and both divisions of the once united Israel were in captivity. It's a sad story of a people who had had God's blessing but still went looking to idols; of leaders who let their power and authority corrupt them. Throughout the history, there ARE glimpses of redemption and blessing where God rewarded those who followed Him.

As I looked back over this book, three things stood out to me in bold relief. Once again, as it did in I & II Kings, the importance of wholeheartedness jumped out at me. There were several kings that did right but the Bible notes that they were not wholehearted in their devotion to God. What was the difference between those that just did right and those that were wholehearted? Those that were wholeheartedly devoted to God took action. They sought out the high places and the alters that previous kings and the people built and tore them down. They got rid of the priests that tended these false gods. They rooted out what was such an anthema to God.

The truth is, leadership - particularly when it is spiritual - is something to be taken very seriously. What leaders do or don't do trickles down to those underneath them. I'm sure, even under wicked kings, there were people that still did right, but they were in the vast minority. But when a king did what was right and was wholeheartedly devoted to God, there was often a huge revival in the land. Most of the people jumped on board. I am not any kind of formal spiritual leader but I am a mother. My kids will notice if I am wholeheartedly devoted to God or if it is just lip service. They will note if I allow idols to remain even in the background. I think this is why so many Christian young people turn away as they leave home - they saw only a partial devotion to God in their homes and it struck them as false. As a parent, I can't be perfect, but I can be wholehearted in following God.

The second thing I saw was how many times a king started out following God and doing what was right, even doing it wholeheartedly, when God had made them strong and given them peace, they often started doing things in their own strength and even worshipping false idols. The one that floored me the most was Amaziah. God told him he'd have victory in battle and he did! But no sooner was he back home than he was burning incense to the gods of the people God had just defeated for him. I guess that is why so many times in the Bible we are told to be thankful, to remember where our blessings, strength and success really come from.

Finally, the thing I saw was God's abundant mercy, grace and patience with His wayward people. The Old Testament is often looked at as showing God's justice side and not much mercy, but when I began reading it, that really wasn't true. Over and over again, God gave even the wickedest kings the opportunity to repent. Some took Him up on it, but most didn't. In the final chapter of II Chronicles in verse 15 we see the evidence of God's mercy, "The Lord, the God of their fathers, sent word to them again and again by His messangers because He had compassion on His people and on His dwelling place."

The chapter ends seventy years into their captivity and once again God gives new hope and mercy to His people. It ends with an invitation from the most unlikely of sources - the king of Persia, Cyrus. "Thus says Cyrus king of Persia, The Lord, the God of heaven, has given me all the kingdoms of the earth, and He has appointed me to build Him a house in Jeruselum, which is in Judah. Whoever there is among you of all His people, may the Lord his God be wtih him, and let him go up!"

What a comfort to know that no matter how far off the path we get, no matter how deep into captivity we fall, God grants us His forgiveness, His mercy and His grace when we truly repent and seek Him.
~ Blessings, Bronte

WHAT A SAD COMMENTARY

2010-08-27T19:10:00.000-07:00

I think I read some of the saddest words in 2 Chronicles 21:20, "He was thirty-two years old when he became king, and he reigned in Jerusalem eight years, and he departed with no one's regret, and they buried him in the city of David, but not in the tombs of the Kings." The verse is talking about Jehoram, one of the kings of Judah.

How awful to be the leader of a nation and when you die, nobody is sad about it. Granted, Jehoram who was the son of Jehoshaphat (who came up with these names anyway???), was not a very good king. As soon as he got the crown on his head, things headed down hill.

First of all, the main reason he was chosen as the heir was because he was the firstborn, but it doesn't seem like he had too many leadership skills. The first thing he did when he had secured his throne was to kill all his brothers - I guess blood wasn't thicker than water. In verse 13, there is this interesting little tidbit from God, "and you have also killed your brothers, your own family, who were better than you." Apparently, good ole Jehoram was the rotten apple in the bunch.

Next we see that Jehoram followed after the kings of Israel (remember there were no good kings that ruled over that portion of the divided kingdom). The reason the Bible gives for this was Jehoram's choice of wife - none other than one of Ahab's daughters. Ahab whose wife was Jezebel was one of the wickedest kings from this time period. We don't know if Jehoram picked out his own wife or if it was an arranged marriage, but she obviously had influence with Jehoram - and not a good one!

We also see that Jehoram rebuilt the high places and alters to false gods. He decided false gods were more promising than the Yahweh. God got very tired of it. He had promised that a descendent of David would be on the throne and Jehoram had killed off anyone who could replace him, so God took care of him.

Reading the next bit makes me very motivated NOT to follow in Jehoram's footsteps. What is absolutely perfect yet utterly horrible is that God didn't just spring the punishment on Jehoram, but He told him about it in advance. Nothing like a bit of terror to go with your judgement. Of course, knowing God, this very well may have been God's way of offering Jehoram the chance to repent. But either way, Jehoram continued in his wicked ways.

Get a load of what God told him was coming in verses 12-15, "Then a letter came to him from Elijah the prophet saying, 'Thus says the Lord God of yoru father David, Because you have not walked in the ways of Jehoshaphat your father and the ways of Asa king of Judah, but have walked in the way of the kings of Israel, and have caused Judah and the inhabitants of Jeruselum to play the harlet as the house of Ahab played the harlot, and you have also killed your brothers, your own family, who were better than you, behold, the Lord is going to strike your people, your sons, your wives and all your possessions with great calamity; and you will suffer severe sickness, a disease of your bowels, until your bowels come out because of the sickness, day by day."

Doesn't that sound pleasant? In verse 19 we see Jehoram's gruesome end, "So after all this the Lord smote him in his bowels with an incurable disease. Now it came about in the course of time, at the end of two years, that his bowels came out because of his sickness and he died in great pain..." God is obviously not someone to trifle with. The next few words are sad because it shows that his people were glad to see him go - "And his people made no fire for him like the fire for his fathers."

Jehoram was given the opportunity to make a huge difference in his world - he was given power and privilege in that world and culture. He wasted it away. I don't know what kind of upbringing he had but he was 32 years old when he became king - old enough to know better you'd think. Instead, he let his idol worshipping wife lead him away from the one true God into idol worship. He killed all of his brothers and some of the trusted leaders in Israel. He died an agonizing death after two years of suffering. And in the end, nobody regretted that he died. He left no legacy of goodness or importance - just his own pain and his people's indifference.

There are a lot of wonderful things in the Bible - promises and demonstrations of God's grace and mercy and patience and love. But it isn't all flowers and puppies - this story serves as a stark reminder that God is GOD. He is holy and mighty and powerful. He is not to be mocked or ignored. He IS Jehovah and it's best that we not forget that!
~ Blessings, Bronte

WELL, IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA!

2010-08-25T18:53:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had a light bulb moment where you got an idea that seemed so awesome, so perfect that it just HAD to be from God, right? I am an idea person. I am always coming up with some great idea and getting all excited and invested in it. Ask my husband - he's the one who is always talking me down as I'm getting ready to leap before I look.

Don't get me wrong - ideas, dreams, plans - those things are good things. But just because it seems like a good idea doesn't mean that it is God's plan for you. Take for instance David - he got the idea of building a temple for the ark. After all, he had this great palace and the ark was still in an animal skin tent. Even the prophet Nathan thought that it was a grand idea - I mean who can argue with building God a temple right? Well, apparently God could because He told David no.

One of David's descendents also had a good idea but he forgot to check with God first. We meet King Asa in 2 Chronicles 14. His father Abijah died and Asa became king of Judah. In verse 2 it says, "Asa did good and right in the sight of the Lord his God, for he removed the foreign alters and high places, tore down the sacred pillars, cut down the Asherim, and commanded Judah to seek the Lord God of their fathers and to observe the law and the commandments." So Asa was one of the good kings - he followed God with his whole heart and rooted out all the idols in Judah.

In chapter 15, we see that God told Asa through a prophet to be strong and courageous, to continue to root out the idols in all the land and God would bless him. Through Asa's leadership, the kingdom of Judah (this is after Israel had split into two kingdoms) rededicated themselves to God. As Asa went out and fought against nations that wanted a piece of Judah, he always checked in with God, asking is this what you have for us to do? If God said yes, Asa went, even if it seemed like a suicide mission. God always gave him the victory. After at time, God blessed them and gave them years of rest. In 2 Chronicles 15:19 it says, "And there was no more war until the thirty-fifth year of Asa's reign."

What changed? Well, in chapter 16, Asa had what he thought was a good idea. Baasha, the king of Israel decided to make life hard for Asa and Judah and Baasha got another king to join him - Ben-hadad, king of Aram. So Asa got the bright idea of making a treaty with Ben-hadad, to cut Baasha off at the knees.

Was making a treaty a bad idea? Strategically, it made a lot of sense to get good old Ben-hadad (wonder what they called him for short? Hopefully Ben!) on his side. But Asa, after years of blessing and easy times, forgot one important thing. He didn't check with God to see if this really WAS a good idea. He was so used to God's blessings, to peace and prosperity, that when he got this bright idea, it never occurred to him that perhaps, it wasn't God's idea.

Asa did route Baasha with the king of Aram's help, but afterwards, God called Asa on the carpet. He reminded Asa of the times that there was victory even when it seemed impossible. God pointed out that HE could have given Asa victory over BOTH Baasha and the King of Aram instead of being stuck in a treaty with him. In chapter 16, verse 8 it says, "Were not the Ethopians and the Lubim and immense army with very many chariotsa nd horseman? Yet because you relied on the Lord, He delivered them into your hand."

And that really was the key - Asa decided to rely on his own wisdom and strategy with what seemed like a good move. If he had relied on God, instead of himself, there would have been complete victory.

How many times does this play out in my own life? Something comes up and I immediately try to come up with a solution or an answer, relying on my own wisdom and strength and power. Yes, things often turn out okay, but I miss out on the complete victory and miracle that could have been mine if I had gone to God instead of relying on my own strength. God is made strong in my weakness. God gets glory when He does the seemingly impossible through me. When I rely on myself, God is somewhere in the background and I end up settling for the almost and the okay, instead of the awesome and the amazing.

A FOOL FOR LOVE

2010-08-25T18:34:00.001-07:00

I've been reading through the Kings and Chronicles, and personally, I'm fascinated. It's sort of like an Old Testament Jerry Springer or something. Siblings killing siblings. Sons plotting against fathers. Solomon had 1,000 wives and concubines. Imagine the tabloid fodder that would provide? Yikes! Of course, he learned it from the best - dear old dad, David, had quite a few wives himself.

I found it really interesting to note that if you looked at the lives of father and son, Solomon would seem to come out ahead of David. While he did have an uncommonly large number of wives, you don't find any reference to any huge sins that Solomon committed. And hey, he asked God for wisdom instead of wealth or power; had peace during his reign; amassed a huge fortune and wealth and power; authored several books of the Bible; and built the temple in all its splendor.

In contrast, David had that whole issue with Bathsheba - committed adultery and then tried to cover it up with murder. David was incited by Satan to do a census which caused punishment to come down on the entire nation of Israel. David was a warrior and spent his entire life fighting and had a lot of blood on his hands - so much so, that God told David NOT to build the temple but to allow Solomon to build it. His family was a real mess too - Absalom and Amnon were not sons of which you'd be very proud.

BUT, David is called a man after God's heart. David is commended for his wholehearted devotion despite his many major and public sins. Solomon on the other hand was NOT called a man after God's own heart. Despite his rather tame life compared to David's, Solomon had an achille's heel - beautiful women. He collected them like a beanie baby junkie. And he didn't just collect women - they were exotic, foreign women. He was guilty of allowing something or someone else to have place of honor in his heart and mind.

Take a look at I Kings 11: 1-6, "Now King Solomon loved many foreign women along with the daughter of Pharoah: Moabite, Ammonite, Edomite,Sidonian, and Hittite women, from the nations concerning which the Lord had said to the sons of Israel, 'You shall not associate with them, nor shall they associate with you, for they will surely turn your heart away after their gods.' Solomon held fast to thes in love. He had seven hundred wives, princesses and three hundred concubines, and his wives turned his heart away. For when Solomon was old, hsi wives turned his heart away after other gods; and his heart was not wholly devoted to the Lord his God,as the heart of David his father had been. For Solomon went after Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians and after Milcom the detestable idol of the Ammonites. Solomon did what was evil in teh sight of the Lord, and did not follow the Lord fully, as David his father had done."

So, Solomon was a fool for love, just not the right kind of love. David was a fool for love too(remember his dear wife Michel who despised him for dancing before his God?). But the object of his love was an Almighty, holy God that delighted in David's "foolishness."

I guess if I'm going to be a fool, I want to be the kind David was - a fool for Jesus!
~ Blessings, Bronte

POOLSIDE REVELATIONS

2010-08-07T18:24:00.000-07:00

Why is it simple truths can be so huge when they finally sink in? I am sitting under a tiki umbrella at the Kalahari water park. Music is playing, parents are smiling (for the most part) and children's squeals and laughter are floating on the light breeze. The weather is beautiful - not a drop of humidity.

I am reading Max Lucado's book Fearless. Oh to be completely fearless - to wake up and not be nibbled and nipped by concerns and fears and worries. It sounds so tantalizing and sometimes I get a glimpse of it, like something out of the corner of my eye, but to really experience it, on a daily basis - that must be what heaven is like.

To be completely honest, I've been down the last couple weeks. I could blame it on hormones or the heat and humidity (I don't do hot weather), but I think it is just me inviting my doubts in for tea and letting them stay indefinitely.

God is so good though. He reaches out to where we are at - in my case, a lawn chair under a tiki umbrella. (this fair, freckled chick is thankful for the shade!).

In his book, Lucado relates the story of Peter walking on the water - a familiar story I've heard about a bizillion times. But today, for whatever reason, I really got it.

The storm is raging, the disciples - seasoned fisherman by the way - are worried. Then they see someone strolling towards them through the heaving waves. This freaks them out more than the storm and they start shouting the word, "Ghost!" For fisherman, seeing a ghost was not a good sign. Then the apparition speaks. "Don't be afraid. Take courage. I am here."

My eyes are brimming as this truth sinks into my heart, not just my head:
Jesus is here with me at this resort.
Jesus is with me when I choose to love when the person is unlovable.
Jesus with me when I don't have the right parenting answers.
Jesus is with me when things seem unfair or unjust.
Jesus is right beside me when I feel stuck and I'm not going anywhere.
Jesus will be with me when I walk into my first substitute teaching job.
Jesus is with me in life and will be with me when I take my last breath.

No matter what we go through or experience, we don't have to be afraid. We can have courage, because Jesus is there. It's a promise you can take to the bank. He ain't leaving.

Peter was so psyched by Jesus' words, he got out of the boat and walked on the water. I know he ultimately took his eyes off Jesus and sank, but for a moment, I want to marvel at his courage - his faith that since Jesus was there, he could do the impossible. Having just done a ropes course last night, I can sympathize. There is something paralyzing about having to step out on a tiny piece of wood that hangs several dozen feet in the air. Yes, you are in your harness and yes you are tethered securely, but man, that first step, it is definitely an exercise in faith in your tether! So, for Peter, to leave the safety of his boat and step into the boiling, frothing sea, well, that is pretty impressive to me.

Of course, Peter's walk lasted only as long as he looked at Jesus and not the storm. It's easy, from the safety of our secure lives, to scoff at Peter for taking his eyes off Jesus, for being overwhelmed by the ferocious sea, for letting himself sink. But honestly, I find it all too easy to put my focus on the storms of circumstances that sometimes seem ready to slap me down like a giant wave. But the lesson here isn't that Peter failed (well, not the entire lesson), but the lesson is what we CAN do when we do keep our eyes on Jesus who makes walking on the water actually possible.

So, the next time I feel the spray of a coming wave, I'm not going to look at it, I'm going to turn my eyes to Jesus. After all, if He's there, I have nothing to be afraid of!

Reminds me of the old hymn, "Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face and the things of this earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace."
~ Blessings, Bronte

LASTING LEGACY

2010-08-03T21:08:00.000-07:00

When someone you know dies, particularly when they are still young, it is somehow very different than when someone dies when they have lived a long life. A life cut short at a young age brings a different kind of sadness. It's probably because it seems it can't possibly be enough time for that person or their family. It suggests things left unfinished. But the truth is, God numbers all of our days - He knows when we will arrive and when we will draw our final breath.

A woman at my church, Robin Baughman, died as August 1st became August 2nd - at 12:01 a.m. She had battled cancer for almost two years. It was a very aggressive form of cancer and the doctors originally gave her a much shorter time line. God was gracious and gave her almost two years. But they were very hard years - days and weeks and months of pain and discomfort.

I can't begin to explain God's plans or purposes in taking a woman who was only 42 years old, a woman with a husband who will be lost without her and young children who will desperately feel her absence. I can't explain why, after Robin was so faithful and uncomplaining even in the midst of so much suffering, her last hours on earth were agonizing, why God did not take her peacefully at least for her family's sake. I can't explain it and I don't understand it. Part of me feels a bit put out with God at the moment because it seems to me He could have at least given her that.

But I do know one thing - God is good. If I can't believe that, then believing in God and His power and His greatness don't mean a whole lot. I also believe that the reward was worth it all - the pain and the suffering and the tears. That with Robin's first step onto that distant shore, God made it all beautiful and wiped away her tears. I also know God has used Robin's suffering and will continue to use it now that she is gone. He never wastes anyone's tears. The Psalms tell us He saves our tears in a bottle. That is such a tender, loving picture to me.

Robin was not a close friend. We were more acquaintance type friends - a "hi, how are you?" relationship. Even though we were not close, I was impressed with Robin's upbeat attitude through her whole ordeal. She had her bad days and was very honest about how hard it all was, but her faith was like a bright light. You could see it in her eyes even when she was tired or not feeling good.

Even though we were not close, her death hits me in ways that are hard to explain. Maybe it is because our oldest children are very close in age (our oldest sons share a birthday)or because she is only about five years older than I am. I can't help but think, "What if that was me?" and "Why her and not me?" I find myself looking at life a bit differently.

Now, I'll be honest. I really hate when people tell you that you should live as if this was your last day on earth. I mean, really?? If it was my last day on earth, I certianly wouldn't clean my toilet. I wouldn't exercise and I'd eat as much chocolate as I wanted. But if I lived that way every day, my house would be condemned by the board of health and I'd weight 300 lbs with rotten teeth.

Instead, I want to live my life without regrets. I don't want to let busyness or worry or fear keep me from living my life every single day so that when it is my time to meet my Heavenly Father face to face, I don't have to say "if only" or "I should have" or "I was waiting until.." I don't want to procrastinate life away. No matter how many years I have left, I want them to be full years, not wasted.

As one person said, "It isn't the number of years of life you have but the life in your years." Godspeed, Robin- your life and testimony will live on.
~Blessings, Bronte

ALL OF ME

2010-07-31T08:27:00.000-07:00

"Give yourself fully to God. He will use you to accomplish great things on the condition that you believe much more in His love than in your own weakness."
~ Mother Teresa

I was doing my Bible study and the author referenced the story in Mark 6:33-34. In this story, Jesus stopped and taught a large crowd of people. After a while, the disciples wanted to send them away because they didn't have any food to give them. Instead of telling the crowd to go on their way, Jesus tells the disciples to feed them. The disciples are flabbergasted. They can see no practical solution to this problem - there are thousands of people and they can't possibly afford to buy even one piece of bread for all these people. It seems impossible.

Jesus sends them out to gather what people are willing to share. The disciples come back with only a few fishes and loaves of bread - certainly not enough to feed a multitude of people. They look at Jesus like He is slightly crazy - looking at the situation, the disciples do not see any way feeding everyone will happen. They look around at the sitatuation but they do not look up for a miracle.

What hit me was that there were many people there that day, but apparently, some people had already eaten the lunch they brought and only a few were willing to share everything they had. Jesus performed a miracle and fed all those people by taking what was willingly given. I find it interesting that He did not conjure up the food out of nothing. He certainly could have done that and maybe it would have seemed even more spectacular. But He didn't. Instead, He asked the people to give what they had. Then He blessed it and multiplied it.

There is a verse that says that God is looking to and fro over the earth for people who are willing to be whole heartedly devoted to Him. He is looking for people who will give Him all that they have, even if it seems puny and insignificant and not nearly up to the task.

I think so many times we look at what we have to offer, decide it isn't nearly enough and then don't offer it to God at all because it seems ridiculous that He could actually use us in any significant way.

But Jesus did not tell the disciples to collect enough to feed the multitude. He told them to feed the multitude. When the disciples sputtered that that was impossible - they didn't have the money to buy that much bread - Jesus told them to go look to see how much they DID have and bring it to Him.

That is what Jesus asks us to do today - to freely give Him our meager offerings even if they seem pitifully inadequate - and He will bless them and make them enough for the plans He has in mind. After all, the main goal is to bring glory to God. If you were more than enough, you wouldn't need Him, would you?
~ Blessings, Bronte

FEAR

2010-07-26T06:28:00.000-07:00

Ask anyone who deals with dogs on a regular basis and they will tell you the worst kind of aggression to deal with is fear aggression. A fearful dog has two choices - it can run away or it can attack. Many fearful dogs do choose to try to get away, but if they feel they can't - WATCH OUT! Of course, many dogs that are fearful prescribe to the theory that a good offense is better than defense. And the biggest problem is trying to figure out what will set a fearful dog off. Things that most dogs don't blink at can make a fearful dog react. Their perspective is off.

Kipper and I experienced this today. We were doing our short morning walk, minding our own business when we saw this woman on the porch squeaking a toy and calling loudly for "Lucky." Then another woman joined her - not nearly as pleasant sounding - yelling in a gutteral voice, "Lucky, come here!" If I was Lucky I might not have come either!

Then Lucky came into view. He was about 8 inches tall and probably weighed about 7 lbs soaking wet. He was a cute little thing - tan and white, but the ferocious scowl on his face ruined his good looks. He came running up to Kipper, barking, showing his tiny teeth, with all the hair raised on his back, doing his best to show how tough he was. Kipper just looked at him, wagging his tail slow and easy. Kipper would have been happy to make friends and play with Lucky.

But apparently, Lucky didn't know this. He kept charging at Kipper but when we moved forward, Lucky backed up. I kept going, in the hopes of sort of herding little Lucky back to his hapless owners - who this whole time had not moved but just kept yelling. (since that seemed to be working so well). When we got to these ladies' driveway, Lucky started getting more aggressive. The whole time the woman kept saying, "He won't hurt you or your dog," Lucky aggressively dove toward Kipper's face, snapping and growling. My sweet dog, who fortunately is NOT dog aggressive, tried very hard not to look intimidating - giving all the doggy signals of "I'm harmless." It didnt' work. Finally, after a particularly vicious snap came within a millimeter of Kip's nose, he growled and barked at Lucky. The women gasped. I'm sure she thought this was the end of Lucky's luck!

I decided to keep walking. If they couldn't come over and pick up their dog while I had him corraled on their driveway for at least several minutes, I wasn't going to stand there any longer and let little Lucky bite my dog. I got a branch and waved Lucky away. I had no doubt that if I put my hand close enough to his mouth, he'd bite me. Then Kipper would feel honor bound to protect me and we'd have a real mess on our hands (literally).

So, off we went. Lucky continued to follow us, barking and snapping and growling. I kept waving him off with my branch. He'd run away and then charge back. His owners kept uselessly yelling at him. I could still hear them as I rounded the bend and Lucky finally gave up. Lucky truly was lucky in this case. Kipper is very good with other dogs and is not aggressive, even when provoked. If this had been another big dog, Lucky might lost his head, quite literally.

Little Lucky did what a lot of people do - lash out because of fear when there really is nothing to fear at all. Fear that someone won't like you may cause all kinds of ugly behavior.

I once heard Beth Moore describe fear as False Evidence Appearing Real. People come after others aggressively, sometime even leaving marks emotionally and mentally because they are fearful and react. I wonder how many times when someone has been ugly to me, it is really fear driving their actions? I wonder how many times I've been ugly to others because of fear? If we look in the Bible, we can see numerous examples of people's really poor decisions coming from fear - Abraham, Jacob and Jeroboam come to mind.

I suppose this is why the command "fear not" is mentioned more than any other. You may wonder how in the world can overcome fear or stop reacting to it. The answer is you probably can't on your own. But in Psalms 34:4 it says, "I sought the Lord and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears." In our own strength, we can't conquer fear. Heck, sometimes we can't even identify our fears. But God can. He can show us what our fears are and deliver us from them.

I know I don't want to be a Lucky - spending my life on the offensive, snapping and growling at phantom fears that don't really exist. It's comforting to know that I don't have to!
~ Blessings, Bronte

LESSONS FROM THE KINGS- PART II

2010-06-15T06:29:00.000-07:00

I thought since there are actually two books of Kings, it deserved two different posts. Sometimes, when I read the Bible, I wonder why God put in all the stories He did. They certainly don't make us look too good sometimes. I mean, David killing Goliath is very cool, but the thing with Bathsheba - not so much. I guess it is one way to teach a lesson though. Think of that story about the boy who cried wolf? Parents are still sharing that one today, several hundred years after it was first told around a campfire.

There were several more things I noticed as I read through these books. One of those was that it seems much easier to pass on a bad legacy than a good one. Have you ever noticed how people tend to remember the negative much more than the positive. In training my dog Kipper, my mentor told me that for every negative correction you make, you have to do at least 5 to 7 positive ones so it doesn't cause problems like head shyness. While I realize that kids and dogs are NOT the same, the idea in parenting is similar. It never fails that your child will remember that one time you yelled at him instead of the umpteen times you told him he did a good job. It doesn't seem fair does it? I guess my take from all this is to leave a good and godly legacy for our children, it takes purposefulness and effort. It doesn't just happen.

The next thing I noticed was that many of the idols that the Israelites worshipped were much harder task masters than God was. There were at least 16 different gods that the Israelites worshipped during this time. These gods inspired fear and obviously, did not meet any of their requests. Molech (the god of the Moabites) required human sacrifice and not just one king sacrificed his child in the fire for this God. It's interesting that what God set up, these gods made counterfeits. The sacrifices that saved the people when given to God, destroyed their children for false gods. The priests who were set up to serve God in His temple were taken care of. The priests of the false gods were exploited many times as prostitutes. The list goes on and on. Idols may seem like the answer but they just make things worse.

The other thing I noticed is how many times God used an evil man to accomplish His purposes. Of course, the evil man had no idea he was doing God's will, but God did.

Another thing I noticed was God's mercy. Over and over again, the people sinned but God forgave them. He even offered pardon to Ahab, the notoriously evil king, if he would repent. He also rewarded the faithful. He told Josiah that he wouldn't live to see Judah punished. He told Jehu that one of his kin would sit on the throne for four generations because of his faithfulness. He gave king Hezekiah fifteen more years. Over and over again, we see that He was a rewarder of those that followed Him.

The last thing I'm going to mention (although there is so much more in these books and maybe I'll post tomorrow about Elijah/Elisha) is that even the kings that did what was right, it was noted about many of them that they were not wholly devoted to God or that they left the high places instead of destroying them. It hit me that many times I am devoted but not wholly. There are "high places" I want to keep or am too lazy to destroy. God takes note of that though. Ouch!

It's amazing to me that stories that are over a thousand years old still hold lessons for us today. I guess that's why God's Word is still the best seller today!

~ Blessings, Bronte

LESSONS FROM THE KINGS

2010-06-15T06:02:00.000-07:00

Okay, I just got done reading through I & II Kings. They told the story of the kingdom passing from David to Solomon and of Solomon's reign. Then the books get into the many kings of Israel and Judah. My Bible has this chart in the back that I got a kick out of filling out - in fact I was almost late to work a few times because I was looking up what needed to go in the blanks. Whoops!

This record of all the kings that reigned over Israel and Judah explains that after Solomon died, the kingdom was split in two. Rehoboam was the king of Judah (which consisted of the tribes of Judah and Benjiman), and Jeroboam became the king of Israel (the rest of the tribes). In all, Israel had 18 kings and all of them were bad to the bone. Judah had 20 kings (well, actually 19 and 1 queen) and 10 of them were good. As I read through the stories of these ancient kings, some lessons seemed to leap out at me.

Rehoboam was the king who didn't listen to the wise elders but to his young friends. They gave him some bad advice and subsequently, he lost part of the kingdom. A few things stuck out to me on this one. The first one seems fairly obvious - be careful who you listen to. The second one is a bit deeper. In Rehoboam's day, older people were highly revered for their wisdom and experience so it was fairly unusual for him to take his young friends' advice over the elders. However, in our time, that's not really the case. There is sort of a prevailing belief that anyone older than 50 must not know what they are talking about. I think this is not only dumb but arrogant. I mean, if someone has lived twice as long as I have, wouldn't they have a bit more wisdom than I do, particularly if they are walking with God all that time? In Timothy it commands the OLDER women to teach the YOUNGER women. I think we've fallen down in this area in the body of Christ. I don't think we can blame the older women entirely either - most of them don't think the younger set wants to listen to anything they say.

The other thing that struck me in this story was not quite as obvious. The question that popped into my head was - do I give good counsel to others? Sure, I love to give my opinion and share what I think someone should do. But what if that person listens to me and does what I suggest? Is my counsel Biblical? Is it wise? Is it centered in Christ? It was definitely food for thought.

In the story of Jeroboam, God told Jeroboam that he would become the king of Israel. It was a done deal. However, once he became king, Jeroboam was assailed by fears and doubts. He didn't want to let the people go up to Jeruselum to make sacrifices for fear that their allegiance would return to Rehoboam. So instead, he made two golden calfs and set them up in two parts of his kingdom and had the people worship those.

Fear and insecurity were the root of Jeroboam causing the whole kingdom to sin. One thing that God had absolutely NO to was idol worship and here was the king instructing the people do just that. How many times does fear and insecurity lead me to make a bad decision or even to sin? With all my struggles with different fears, this was one lesson that whapped me upside the head - fear is not of God. Yes, He gives us warnings and cautions. I do believe that, but if I am experiencing paralyzing fear then I know that is not from God. Thank goodness, He is willing to help me through my fears so I don't have to stay stuck in them.

"I sought the Lord and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears." Psalms 34:4

~ Blessings, Bronte

I DON'T FEEL LIKE BEING THE BIGGER PERSON

2010-06-04T19:18:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've been on here, but it's been quite an interesting time in my life. I have been shaken in all the areas that are vulnerable - finances, job security, betrayal, my health, my family's health, feeling overwhelmed by busyness - you name it, it seems to have hit me in the last six weeks. Thankfully, many of the areas of testing had happy endings. My Dad didn't have cancer (hallelujah!!!!). I didn't have a blood clot (can I get another amen!). But other things, usually minor annoyances, seem to loom larger than normal because of the added stress in my life at the moment. It seems my tipping point is lower than it was before.

During all of this, I kept thinking, "I need to be strong. I need to be godly in my response to this. I need to be serene in the midst of these storms - it's what a spiritually mature person would do." God has given me peace and comfort, and I have wrestled with the demons of resentment, bitterness and even hatred during this time. I felt like I had come out on the other side somewhat victorious. God had given me victory to forgive and feel compassion toward the person I wanted to hate. However, anytime I felt weak or sad or upset, I also experienced guilt and the question - shouldn't I be a stronger Christian than this? Shouldn't my joy be above circumstances? Shouldn't I have a deeper trust in God and His plans that I can't know and understand right now? Shouldn't I be past this by now?

A few days ago, I was sitting in my oldest son's. My heart was pounding uncomfortably in my chest, skipping beats. I felt lightheaded. Every article I've ever read about a woman in her 30's dropping dead from heart failure flashed through my mind. The anxiety about that caused my heart to bump up another notch. My chest hurt. All I could think was, "Please don't let me pass out at my son's award ceremony and ruin his moment." I tried deep breaths. I tried to think of peaceful rivers. It didn't work. My breath seemed to come with effort. The more I tried to reason with myself that I was fine and it was just stress, the worse I felt.

I did make it home and I didn't keel over (of course, you probably know that since I'm typing this now - three days later). But I went into my room to change. I went in my closet and started cried. I sobbed until I was exhausted. When I came out, my eyes suspiciously blotchy (yes, honey, those darn allergies make my eyes itch too!), I felt much better. I was wrung out and had that headachy feel behind my eyes I get if I cry a lot. But I felt much better.

Immediately the guilt started - if you were a strong Christian, you wouldn't need to cry - you'd find joy in your situation and help someone else in the bargain. It's insiduous, this need to react perfectly as a Christian. The thing is - I'm not perfect. Far from it, in fact. I have these messy things called emotions. Sometimes, it hurts to feel them and experience them. But often the only way over them is to go right through them. God did say when we go through the fire or the floods, He is there. Feelings, while they aren't always true, are still real. It's okay to feel really angry with someone, to acknowledge they hurt you and what they did was wrong. It's not being somehow unChristian to admit that things make you upset.

I had fallen in this trap of thinking the perfect Christian response was to have perfect, all-positive feelings. Life doesn't work that way. God expects us to be human and to have human feelings. God doesn't expect us to be strong and perfect. In fact, Paul says that in our weakness God is made strong. Paul said he gloried in his weakness because it showed off God's strength through him. What a load off my shoulders to really know that I don't have to be strong. God will be strong for me and shoulder my load.

Isaiah 40:28-31, "Do you not know? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired. His understanding is inscrutable. He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power. Though youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly, yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength, they will mount up with wings like eagles, they wil run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary."

~ Blessings, Bronte